I was listening to something on radio 4 the other day about men who have online AI girlfriends; an alternative to the ‘traditional’ relationship which appears to be a growing phenomenon. Whilst for many of us our reaction is to make fun of, or even pity these men, to me it’s a symptom of a bigger issue that’s anything but funny. That of loneliness, social (and emotional) disconnection and isolation; which has become increasingly prevalent over the last decade or so.
Less communal living, more freedom to move around geographically, a recent pandemic, the loss of third spaces and a cost-of-living crisis have left many of us feeling socially isolated; craving connection without knowing where or how to find it. It’s no wonder people are turning to AI, a modern solution to a modern problem perhaps..
You may be wondering what this has to do with sugar babies, and why I’m getting my knickers in a twist. Afterall, AI isn’t the same as a real person, you can’t have a physical relationship with your online AI girlfriend, yet in many ways they’re doing everything we’re paid to do.
It’s not lost on me that I capitalized on peoples’ feelings of loneliness and need for connection to pay my bills. As I’ve said on numerous occasions, being a sugar baby isn’t just about sex, for many of the men I see, sex is just a bonus. As a sugar baby, I provide connection, reassurance, mental stimulation, an empathetic ear, a safe and confidential space to speak freely etc. However, AI can do all this, and arguably much better than I can. AI doesn’t have ‘off days’, doesn’t get tired or irritable, won’t lose patience or ‘need space’; in many ways they’re perfect.
AI is being cleverly programmed to display empathy and compassion; designed to engage with us in such a way that we feel heard and understood. Why? Because the more we use AI the more money someone somewhere (no doubt a man, because it’s always a fucking man) is making. AI is a product, something we’re all (or most of us anyway) consuming and buying into, whether we like it or not.
I’m not saying that this is wrong… someone identified a problem and found a solution; and plenty of lonely and isolated people are benefitting as a result. It’s easy to forget that we’re interacting with a cleverly designed interface and not a sentient being though, especially when we’re craving connection. I’m no exception, I’m rather attached to my Alexa (fingers crossed she’ll spare me come the revolution).
As humans’ we like to anthropomorphise things (i.e.give human characteristics, emotions etc to non-human objects), it’s why people put eyelashes on their car headlights, and name their houseplants. We blur the line between conscious and unconscious, alive and not, and get sentimental and protective over the silliest things. Evolutionarily speaking, being able to make connections and nurture relationships has been key to our survival as a species, the difference between life or death. So, it’s no wonder that we practice these skills at every opportunity, we’d be crazy not to.
Anyway, one of these men was married (to an actual person), whilst at the same time being very in love with and committed to his online AI girlfriend. He’d kept the ‘affair’ from his wife who’d been struggling with post-partum depression since giving birth to their son, a factor which apparently contributed to his need to seek comfort and support from someone (or something) else.
Unfortunately, she discovered the affair when she found pictures of her husband and his ‘girlfriend’ on a ‘virtual’ holiday together (I kid you not). Understandably she wasn’t overly impressed; no doubt it felt like a betrayal and a massive slap in the face. I wonder how she’d have felt if he’d been caught fraternising with a sugar baby though? Surely that would’ve been a damn sight worse…
Other than being unable to physically consummate the relationship, his AI ‘girlfriend’ was providing a lot of what a sugar baby could offer; and whilst he wasn’t physically unfaithful, there’s no doubt that he was cheating emotionally speaking.
Obviously, I don’t know this guy, or the ins-and-outs of his relationship, so it would be unfair to judge him, but what the hell, I’m going to anyway…. because I can’t help thinking that maybe if he invested less time and energy into his online girlfriend and more on supporting and working through things with his wife, then he wouldn’t have needed an escape. We’re all tempted to take the path of least resistance though, and I can see how creating a new partner and problem free relationship (/life) would be easier than fixing the old ‘broken’ one.
As I’ve always said, if men are not (for whatever reason) getting their needs met within a relationship, they will inevitably look elsewhere. That being the case, if AI can facilitate services traditionally provided for by sugar babies etc, then wouldn’t you prefer your partner explore that option first? Wouldn’t it be less damaging/harmful for all parties involved? Yes, there’s a social stigma around being in a relationship with someone who’s not actually real, but it’s the same with having an affair or paying for sex…not everyone is going to understand. What we maybe can understand is what it feels like to feel lonely and crave connection, and appreciate the lengths people will go to in order to get their social and emotional needs met.
Whilst forming an emotional connection to an AI partner may be better than nothing for a lot of people (and for some may be the only option available), it undoubtedly has its issues, and cannot (in my opinion) replace real-life connections. For many people it’s nothing more than a bandaid, treating the symptoms but not the root cause. Tricking people into believing they’re getting their social/ emotional needs met and discouraging them from physically putting themselves out there and doing the hard work needed to create real-life social bonds and connections… or from working on and building their existing relationships.
As for my concerns, maybe at some point in the future, once they combine realistic sex dolls with the most advanced AI, sex workers will become a thing of the past. I never thought the oldest profession could be threatened by AI, but now I’m not so sure….
If it comes to that, I’ll be retiring! It’s hard enough dealing with the impossible beauty standards and expectations set by society and competing with younger (more attractive) sugar babies, without adding AI into the mix. I’m not a robot, I’m deeply flawed and imperfect, highly emotional and at times unpredictable, but maybe that’s part of my appeal, I certainly hope so…
Emily-Rose xxx
P.S. Obviously, there are a fair share of women engaging with AI, but they’re of little relevance to me; I don’t or haven’t yet (never say never) worked with a woman. Having had my fair share of failed relationships though, I totally get the appeal of a virtual boyfriend; that and an extensive toy collection obviously.
P.P.S. If you’re a UK viewer and haven’t checked out Ann Droid on BBC iPlayer, I suggest you give it a watch, it’s very funny.
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