Is it possible to be in a relationship and be a sugar baby?

The short answer is undoubtedly yes, lots of women like me, who work as sugar babies or escorts are either in relationships or dating; they’ve found a way to manage both and appear to ‘have it all’. Obviously, you have to find the right person, not everyone wants to be romantically involved with someone who fucks other people for a living. However, I know of women who are married with children and do this kind of work; so clearly it is possible. 

For me though it’s not been that easy, I was single when I started working as a sugar baby (over 4 years ago) and have remained so ever since. I’ve not been looking for a relationship, having decided that whilst I’m working as a sugar baby, I’m better off being on my own; I don’t want the hassle or heartache of a relationship.  

Even if I did meet my ideal man, the idea of juggling a relationship with my job seemed somehow impossible. I’m surprisingly conventional when it comes to certain things; and have no desire to be in an open relationship. I don’t like the thought of my other half fucking other people (I’d be jealous), so why should I expect someone to be ok with me doing just that? Wouldn’t that make me a hypocrite?  

So, I resigned myself to the fact that I’d be on my own for the foreseeable future, that’s just how it had to be. I’m not complaining though as I’ve enjoyed being single; it’s forced me to be brave and do things I never thought I’d be capable of doing on my own. I’m proud of the fact that I’m a strong independent woman who’s in control of her own destiny and able to support herself financially etc, it’s a good feeling!  

After my last relationship I wanted time alone to rebuild my life and discover who I was without my ex. I needed time to heal my broken heart and repair the damage caused by being in an unhealthy relationship; and although at times I thought I’d break, I got through it and am a better person for it. 

I relocated from Cornwall (something I’d been wanting to do for years), buying and moving onto a houseboat in Bristol (a city where I knew no-one) in order to start over, just me and my daughter. I’ve spent the last 12 months keeping my head down, concentrating on my work and writing; and although at times I’ve been lonely, I’ve held on to the belief that I’m better off alone. 

However, there’s always been a part of me that’s wanted to settle down again; I’ve missed being part of a team and having someone who’s got your back (and vice versa). Although my marriage ultimately failed, I still have fond memories of that time of my life; which in many ways were when I was at my happiest and most secure. Maybe I’m looking back through rose-tinted spectacles, but I enjoyed having someone to make plans with; sharing my life with someone who wasn’t just my partner but my best friend. 

I think that’s partly why my next relationship (with my ex) was such a disaster, because I was desperately trying to recreate what I’d lost with someone who was completely unsuitable, and ultimately didn’t want the same thing (shame it took us 8 years to realize that but oh well).  

After that shit show of a relationship and the ensuing heartbreak, it was no wonder I swore off relationships and found a less conventional way to get my needs met; which until now has worked remarkedly well, but am I really happy or have I just been protecting myself from heartache and rejection?  

Despite telling myself that I don’t want or need a relationship, I’ve been guilty of downloading dating apps on occasions when I’ve been feeling sad and lonely, just to see who’s out there. I get a few matches, endure tiresome and repetitive conversations with guys I’m not interested in anyway, realize there’s no one out there for me and delete them again, but still… I’m obviously looking for something. Hell, I even went speed dating earlier this year, because I thought it would be fun and interesting (turned out it was neither). 

I always give up, because no matter who I’m talking to, the moment I mention my job they see me differently. Someone who’s alright for a quick shag, but not someone you’d want to take home to your parents, and since I’m not looking for casual sex (not when I’m being paid for it anyway) it’s all a bit pointless and a waste of time. Unfortunately, I’m not seen as relationship material; it’s the whole Madonna/whore complex, you’re one or the other… you can’t be both. 

However, as is so often the case, the moment you decide you don’t want something and stop looking, it turns up unexpectedly, out of the blue… You spot a cute guy staring at you from across the bar and for some reason you can’t stop staring back. You make an excuse to go over and start a conversation, and for the first time in four and a half years you think that just maybe you’ve found someone worth pursuing.  

I still don’t believe that anyone needs a romantic relationship in order to be ‘complete’. I’m certainly not looking for someone to complete me, because I want to be the whole deal, the full package; able to survive and thrive on my own. If I’m in a relationship, I want to be with someone because I want to be with them, and because they add something to my life, not because I need them and can’t manage without them; and I want the person I’m with to feel the same about me. 

I’m feeling optimistic about the future of my love life, and the prospect of finding love though. I’m not saying that my job won’t cause issues, or that I won’t have to make compromises. But for the first time in a long time, I’m thinking that maybe it is possible to have it all. 

Emily-Rose xxx