- Very few women orgasm through penetrative sex alone. If your woman does, then lucky you, feel free to skip this blog. If that’s not the case (which for most of you it won’t be) then accept the fact that it’s going to take a little time and effort on your behalf. It will be worth it though, I promise.
- Ask you woman whether she prefers internal (g-spot) or external (clitoral) stimulation. She may like a combination of both; but may need one in order to be able to actually orgasm.
- Don’t be afraid to use plenty of lube, especially if you’re focusing on the clitoris. Even if she’s already pretty wet (which hopefully she will be), lube will enhance the experience. If you don’t have lube, then make sure to use her natural lube from her pussy or your saliva to glide your fingers over her clit.
- If you’re using your fingers inside her vagina, don’t just hold them straight and push them in and out (classic schoolboy error). Also don’t think that the more fingers you can shove in there the better…. just use one or two fingers to caress the front inner wall of her vagina using a come-hither motion, and hopefully you’ll be able to find her g-spot. It’s often not as far up as men think.
- Don’t be offended if she needs a toy in order to come, this is quite normal and nothing personal. If she does use toys, I’d suggest that you ask her to show you how she uses them, and maybe just watch her the first time. Even with toys, there’ll be a knack.
- Keep communicating with each other. Not necessarily dirty talk, unless she’s into that, but just check in with her and don’t be afraid to ask her whether she wants it harder/faster/ softer etc. Remember all women are different, what has worked in the past with other women, may not work with this one. Being able to communicate with your partner re what you like and what feels good is really important.
- Reassure her/ make it clear that you’re enjoying the act of giving her pleasure. Some women can take a long time to orgasm and may feel self-conscious about this. If they feel like you’re not enjoying it, or they start to feel guilty about how long they’re taking, then they will probably get to you to stop, or worse they’ll fake it, and all your hard work will have been for nothing.
- If your woman has not come during foreplay or sex, then ask her afterwards whether there’s anything you can do for her, or whether she needs to use a toy or something to finish herself off. Just because you’ve come and got what you’ve needed, don’t assume that it’s over. Now that the pressure’s off, she may be able to have her release; alternatively, she may be absolutely fine and perfectly satisfied, but it’s always nice to ask.
- If a woman tells you that she doesn’t come, or isn’t going to come, don’t take this as a challenge, this isn’t about your ego; it just puts pressure on her, which is definitely not going to help the situation. This isn’t a ‘get out of jail free’ card though, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want foreplay or to be pleasured, she’s just managing your expectations and trying to take the pressure off you both. Do your best to give her as much pleasure as you can, and accept that she’s not going to orgasm, then if she does it will be a bonus, for both of you.
- Don’t necessarily expect a woman to come the first time you sleep together. For lots of women, in order to be able to come, they need to be relaxed and feel able to let go. There’s often a level of intimacy and trust that needs to be developed first. Take your time and get to know her, and don’t try to rush the process. She’ll get there when she’s ready.
Oh, and if your woman is a squirter like me, don’t forget your wet weather gear!
Emily-Rose xxx
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