Most relevant for married men, or those in high powered positions whose reputation would be negatively affected by their involvement with a sugar baby or sex worker.
Be wary of sugar babies who ask too many direct questions about your personal life, they may be looking for a way to blackmail you. They don’t need to know who you work for or where you live, and they certainly don’t need to know any details about your wife or children. Don’t be afraid to change the subject if it’s something you feel uncomfortable talking about or tell them straight that it’s none of their business (in a polite way, of course).
If using a fake name on a sugar daddy site, be careful when chatting on other apps such as WhatsApp or Telegram, as your profile may give away your real name; many sugar daddies have been caught out by this.
If you’re meeting a sugar baby straight from work (or in your lunch hour), don’t wear or bring anything with a work logo on it. The last thing you want is a sugar baby turning up at your place of work asking awkward questions or demanding to see you.
If you’re using a hotel, arrive first and check in before she gets there. Even if you’ve booked the room under a fake name (which men occasionally do), some hotels require ID when you check in. You don’t want to be whipping out your driver’s license in front of a sugar baby you’ve just met.
Do not meet in a place where you’re likely to bump into someone you know; the further away from home the better. As tempting or convenient as it may be to meet in the pub down the road, it’s not worth the risk, especially if you’re married. Lots of married sugar daddies are sensible and only use sugar babies when they’re away from home or traveling for work; they don’t shit on their own doorstep.
If you don’t want a sugar baby to know your real name, pay in cash, otherwise your name will appear on their bank statement. Just check she’s ok with cash first, and make sure you have it on you when she arrives.
Be aware that people can reverse search your images, so don’t use pictures on the sugar daddy site that you use elsewhere. Lots of sugar daddies like to use professional head shots that they’ve had taken for work or their linked-in profile, which can easily be traced. Don’t be afraid to blur your photo or restrict access, some profiles don’t have pictures at all but state that they’re available on request. I’ll normally respond to a sugar daddy who hasn’t provided a profile pic providing they have a well written bio, so it’s not essential; if you haven’t bothered with either though then forget about it.
Don’t write anything incriminating in your messages, some things are better discussed in person, especially if it’s sensitive or personal in nature; and definitely don’t send nudes or dick pics where you can be identified, you never know where those are going to end up.
Remember that if something is too good to be true, it usually is. Don’t let your ego blind you to what’s really going on. It’s a sugar baby’s job to make you feel special and good about yourself, it’s a job though, something she’s being paid to do…
Most of these are obvious and just common sense, but worth mentioning as I know how excited men get, and don’t always think rationally (or at all for that matter) when sex is involved.
Whilst I like to believe that most sugar babies (and people in general) are honest decent people, there are those who aren’t. So don’t be afraid to ask questions, shop around and not settle for the first sugar baby who catches your eye.
Despite the horror stories, there are lots of genuine sugar babies out there who are discreet and trustworthy, you just need to find them.
Emily-Rose xxx
To see why you may need this advice, check out this blog
Martin is the most negative and pessimistic person I’ve ever met, hence why I’ve nicknamed him ‘Eeyore’; although that seems unfair on Eeyore who’s a ray of sunshine in comparison and at least cute (man, I’m a bitch).
Anyway, Martin is fairly successful; owning his own business buying and selling luxury cars and is quite well-known and respected in the ‘car world’. He drives a nice car (obviously), wears designer clothes, is well travelled and not unattractive for his age. He’s single and wants to be in a relationship but struggling to find anyone suitable. He can’t be happy whilst he’s single, but can’t find anyone to make him happy because he’s too depressed (about being single), it’s a real catch 22.
Martin was married, but left his wife because he thought the grass was greener, which he now realises it isn’t. I think he saw other men with young attractive ‘trophy wives’ and thought he could have the same; only that hasn’t quite worked out; a lesson there for all middle-aged men …
Martin works from home most of the time, so doesn’t get the opportunity to meet people or socialise that often, which is unfortunate, but not uncommon; it makes it difficult to find love though…
I’ve suggested he find a hobby, join an organisation or club and get himself out there, but he just says he isn’t interested in or good at anything. On the rare occasion he’s made an effort, he hasn’t enjoyed it or liked any of the people, plus there’ve been no attractive single women… so no point.
I’ve suggested he get a pet to keep him company if he’s that lonely, but he doesn’t want the hassle. I’ve suggested putting energy into platonic friendships and creating a support network, getting to know people who may be able to introduce him to someone, I’ve suggested keeping a gratitude diary to focus on what he does have rather than what he doesn’t, so he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out.
I’ve even suggested that he go to his doctor for help, but he thinks they’ll just prescribe antidepressants and he doesn’t want to pop pills (or be happy apparently)… Basically, no matter what I suggest, he’ll find a reason why it won’t work, and insists that he’ll be sad and lonely forever; which with an attitude like that, is likely to be the case.
He occasionally pays women like me for their company, but that depresses him too, and he spends the whole time moaning about how he can’t find love and saying things like ‘you’re only here because I’m paying you’, which is true but not really the point.
I’ve tried to explain how he needs to learn to love himself before he can love someone else, but he just says that he doesn’t know how, and that he can’t be happy and love himself until he finds someone; and we just go round in circles. He’s basically waiting for someone else to come along and magically fix everything for him, which isn’t how life works (unfortunately).
He’s handed over thousands of pounds to professional matchmakers, but they haven’t had any success, as no-one they suggest is good enough, and he gets frustrated and ends up being rude to them.
He’s had counselling too, but that didn’t work either (obviously, because nothing does) and in the end even the counsellor gave up (the will to live probably) and told him that she couldn’t help him. It seems to me that he must just like being depressed, there’s no other explanation for his behaviour; he’s just one of those people who is only content when they have something to complain about and can wallow in self-pity….that or he doesn’t know how else to get attention.
For someone who’s desperate to be with someone, he’s surprisingly fussy and judgemental, and will write women off without giving them a chance because they’re not attractive enough, or he doesn’t like what they’re wearing etc. He’s set the bar so high that no-one is going to be good enough, but maybe that’s the point; as long as he pushes everyone away, he can’t get hurt…he can just be miserable (which seems to be where he’s comfortable). It’s frustrating because this is a man who could have it all…. the only thing stopping him is his shitty attitude and pessimistic outlook on life.
Although I’m still in touch with him, I rarely see him; which is just as well as it’s mentally draining spending time with him, and enough to make anyone feel depressed. Even messaging to arrange a date is hard work, so I don’t bother.
He’s still trawling the sugar daddy sites looking for love, and recently messaged another sugar baby with the opening line “I don’t expect you’ll even bother to read this message but…”; hardly an inspiring introduction to entice or attract a young lady, but one that sums him up perfectly.
I don’t want you to think that I’m shitting on someone with mental health issues here, because I know what it’s like to have depression, it’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life. What I can’t cope with is Martin’s victim mentality and learned helplessness; it’s very difficult to help someone like that, as unless they want to change, you’re just wasting your time.
Expecting someone to come into your life and magically make everything better is unrealistic and grossly unfair on the other person. Other people can help, support and guide you, but at the end of the day if you want to change your life, no-one else can do that for you; as tough as it is, you’ve just got to put the work in.
Remember that the longest and most important relationship you’ll ever have in life is the one you have with yourself, so invest in making that one a good one.
Advice for Martin, and anyone else in his situation
If you want to be in a relationship, be the sort of person that people will want to be in a relationship with; work on yourself and being the best person you can. Have hobbies and interest, be fun and interesting, invest in non-romantic relationships and learn how to be happy in your own skin. Don’t expect someone else to give you there all if you have nothing to offer in return.
Don’t put your whole life on hold until you’re in a relationship, don’t not do things just because you’re single. Get yourself out there and live your life, who knows when the right person may come along or how long you’ll be waiting. It’ll probably happen when you least expect it, so in the meantime, make the most of your life and don’t waste time pining over something you don’t have.
Be realistic about what sort of person will be attracted to you. We tend to couple up with people of a similar attractiveness/ successfulness to ourselves. Don’t waste time chasing people who are way out of your league, unless you really enjoy being rejected.
Accept the looks aren’t everything, so don’t be vain; a lasting successful relationship is not based on physical attraction alone. Be open minded about what you’re looking for as love can be found in unexpected places, and from unexpected people.
Accept that it’s not someone else’s responsibility to make you happy, or in some way ‘make you whole’, no-one with their shit together is going to be attracted to someone who is deeply unhappy or unsatisfied with their life. Unless you want to be rescued by a narcissist with a ‘hero complex’, learn to live with yourself and be happy on your own.
Don’t feel under pressure to be in a relationship just because everyone else is, or that’s what society expects (tells) you to do. Some people are more than happy on their own, and there are a lot of advantages to being single; there are worse things to be, I promise.
Whatever you do, don’t come across as desperate! People can sense desperation and will either a) find it grossly unattractive or b) see it as an opportunity to take advantage of or exploit you; neither of which are great.
Good luck!
Emily-Rose xxx
If you liked this blog, check out my blog on physical attraction
1) Research the restaurant and dress appropriately: you may be a hooker, but you don’t have to look like one. If in doubt, ask your sugar daddy whether he has any preferences. I have some that prefer me to dress conservatively in public, whilst others the complete opposite…
2) Don’t order anything that’s going to be messy or difficult to eat. I love langoustines, but don’t really want to be fiddling around with my food, so usually stick to something that arrives ready to eat. If you don’t like your food looking at you then maybe avoid the fish, you never know when it’s going to come complete with a head…. I’ve never been served chicken with its head still attached (just saying).
3) Avoid eating anything too heavy or filling, especially if you’re going to be getting naked and having sex afterwards; feeling full and bloated is not going to help get you in the mood, so try and keep it light.
4) Pace your drinking with your sugar daddy. You can drink less, or drink slower, but not more or faster! They may be trying to get you drunk, but you don’t want to be plastered; being paralytic is not a good look.
5) Don’t flirt with or eye up other men! Yes, you may be sat opposite some fat, balding 70-year-old, and the waiter is your dream guy, but he isn’t the one paying for your company. Your sugar daddy should be the only one you have eyes for.
6) Don’t wear shoes you can’t walk in ( general advice really); you’ll just look like an idiot. Plus, you never know when you might need to make a quick exit.
7) If you’re somewhere really fancy and you’re not sure what to do or how to behave, watch those around you and mimic them. In certain places you are expected to act a certain way; don’t embarrass yourself by getting it wrong. Read the room and act accordingly.
8) Always have some interesting topics of conversation or amusing stories at the ready. If you don’t know what to say, ask your sugar daddy questions about their successes in life or about something that you know they’re proud of. People love talking about themselves, and having a captive audience. If you’re lucky and ask the right questions, you won’t need to say much at all.
9. Don’t be tempted to look at the bill when it arrives. Yes, you may want to see how much your sugar daddy is spending on you, and how much your meal has cost; but it’s not classy to ask and you don’t need to know. You’re sugar daddy will take care of it; and it doesn’t matter how much it is because you’re worth every penny!
10. Finally, don’t forget to show your sugar daddy that you appreciate being taken out and treated to the finer things in life; a little gratitude does a long way. Most sugar daddies get a lot of pleasure from knowing that they are making you happy, so let them know when they’re doing a good job.
Sugar and Spice 