So yesterday I had an article published about me in The Sun. I didn’t know exactly what they were going to write, or what angle they’d take. Obviously, their agenda is to sell stories and make money, therefore, as with any interview, some comments were taken out of context and sensationalised, which is to be expected.
What I wasn’t expecting was their relationship expert, Giovanna, butting in with their thoughts and opinions on being a sugar baby, which I didn’t agree with.
I was hoping the article would focus on how empowering my job can be but instead decided to stick to the more traditional narrative of sugar babies as victims (as provided by Giovanna), doing a job which is going to have a negative effect on their self-esteem and mental health; which to be honest I just find boring.
Obviously, I don’t know anything about Giovanna, but from their comments, I don’t think they’ve ever been a sugar baby as they have a limited understanding as to what it involves.
Let’s address her first comment: “It can appear glamorous and empowering. But when money and power sit at the heart of an arrangement, respect and equality are often compromised.”
Yes, of course, money is a key component, that’s called capitalism, that’s how our society works. I provide a service that people are willing to pay for, a service for which there is a demand; this is how I choose to earn money and pay my bills. Unfortunately, money is at the heart of EVERYTHING, that’s just life, that doesn’t necessarily mean there can’t also be respect and equality though.
Obviously, I wouldn’t be sleeping with these men if they weren’t paying me (well not all of them anyway) just like I wouldn’t be working behind the checkout in Tesco or teaching in a school if I wasn’t been paid to do so, not many people are prepared to work for free.
As for ‘power’, I’m not sure what she’s getting at there. Does she think that because these men pay me then they have power over me? If so, then wouldn’t that be the same for anyone who’s being paid for anything, i.e. everyone who has a job and works for a living…
I would personally argue that I feel more empowered now as a self-employed sugar baby then in my past ‘conventional’ jobs where I had to be in a certain place at a certain time, dress and act a certain way, do what my boss said regardless of whether I agreed with them, because they were in charge and I didn’t want to lose my job….
As a sugar baby I don’t have a boss though, so can see whoever I want, whenever I want. I fit my work around my life, and don’t see anyone who’s being a dick. Yes, I might let them take control in the bedroom, but that’s because it turns me on and I enjoy it…
None of my sugar daddies feel like they have power or control over me outside of the bedroom though. They all know I see multiple men so not relying on any of them financially; and could choose to end our arrangement at any point. That’s one of the (many) reasons why I don’t tie myself down to one man, like you might do if you were say… in a conventional relationship perhaps.
As for being glamorous, my job is often not glamorous. Yes, I went to Barcelona and stayed in a five-star hotel which was lovely; we didn’t “shop till we dropped” though, as I don’t like shopping. He did buy me some clothes and jewellery, but it was an hour or two max; and they weren’t expensive things.
What they don’t mention is that most of the time I’m staying in premier inns or travel lodges, or with my sugar daddies in their homes. Later this week for example I’m seeing a sugar daddy in Devon who lives in a dilapidated old farmhouse with his dogs. I don’t think the place has been properly cleaned (let alone decorated) for many decades, and it stinks of dog piss. He’ll take me to the local pub for some food, then back home to watch a bit of TV (Clarkson’s Farm, obviously), before going up to bed; it’s anything but glamourous. He’s a very lonely man and always pleased to see me though, I’m basically his social worker.
As long as my sugar daddies are decent people who can pay to see me then I don’t care how much money they have. Whether it’s a cheap hotel, an old campervan or tiny flat, it doesn’t matter.
Giovanna also comments that: “Situations can turn controlling, manipulative or even unsafe. And there are longer-term consequences, too.”
“Whilst the financial gain is tangible, the emotional and psychological toll is harder to measure.”
“Over time, constantly being both spoiled and disrespected can distort self-worth. Money can provide comfort, but it cannot replace genuine affection, trust, or the stability of a healthy relationship.”
OK, a lot to unpack here. Yes, of course, these situations can become controlling, manipulative or unsafe, but the same can be said for any relationship, and also applies to the men who pay for sex; they can be controlled, manipulated and put in unsafe situations too. In many ways they’re often more vulnerable than the women they’re seeing. I can think of a few married sugar daddies whose lives I could easily destroy by outing them if I so wanted (but of course wouldn’t).
Since everyone knows what I do, and I’m not answerable to anyone; no-one has that power over me though. I’ve had more issues with ex-boyfriends then I’ve ever had with sugar daddies… just saying.
I guess the long-term toll is yet to be seen, I do agree that my job can be physically and emotionally demanding at times, as are many jobs.
Being a student support worker was mentally, physically and often very emotionally demanding (and terribly paid). As for being an end-of-life carer or mental health nurse, that must be incredibly mentally and emotionally demanding…
My job is nowhere near as hard as that, and I don’t work half as hard as these people; plus, I’m being compensated very well, so doing alright. Yes, as I often say, my job isn’t for everyone; but if you can compartmentalise and keep yourself safe (mentally, physically and emotionally) then it’s ok. Not saying that it’s the sort of job you could do forever, but again, that’s the same with other jobs.
As for being spoilt, well, that’s a rare occurrence. Yes, I have some sugar daddies who treat me to nice things, but most do not. The majority of the time, I go to the premier inn or wherever, do my job, get my money, and go home. I provide a service and get paid for the service I provide, just like everyone else; and as far as I’m aware, no-one being paid to do their job feels like they’re being spoilt.
Not all my sugar daddies have that much money, most are just normal hardworking guys who occasionally treat themselves to a night of company; if I get wined and dined, that’s a bonus. My regular sugar daddy took me to McDonalds the other day; I don’t get MaccyDs often so that was a real treat.
And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my self-worth, in fact I think it’s quite healthy. I know how much my services are worth but equally understand that that doesn’t reflect on me as a person. If she’s saying that being spoilt would lead to an overinflated sense of self-worth whilst being disrespected would lead to an underinflated sense of self-worth, then wouldn’t the two balance each other out… she really needs to decide which one it is.
As for being disrespected, I don’t understand this comment. Is Giovanna saying that providing sex for money is disrespectful towards women? Or that I’m disrespecting myself because I have multiple sexual partners? Or because I’m having sex with men I’m not in a relationship with? They don’t know the men who pay for my services, so it would be unfair (and incredibly lazy and judgemental) to tar them all with the same brush and say that they’re all disrespectful.
As far as I’m concerned, I provide a service for money just like millions of other people out there. My arrangements are between two consenting adults who have both chosen to be there and have entered the arrangement of their own freewill, knowing exactly what is expected of them. I don’t have the time or energy for a relationship right now and many of the sugar daddies I see are in the same situation. We’re quite content having a casual no-strings arrangement which they’re happy to pay for.
You wouldn’t tell a man who was having lots of casual sex that he was being disrespected, so don’t make out that I’m being disrespected for doing something I want and choose to do. I enjoy having sex and being intimate with different people, I know it’s not how women are ‘supposed to behave’, but it is what it is.
There are lots of men on sugaring sites who are rude and disrespectful, but equally there are many who are incredibly kind and respectful. This idea that all sugar daddies are disgusting men who don’t respect women because they pay for sex is totally untrue. These are just normal men, that you (without even knowing) are probably interacting with every day.
If you want to be disrespected and made to feel like a piece of meat then try going on Tinder or to a night club, the young men there are far more disrespectful than any of the men I’ve ever worked with.
And you know what, if a man contacts me on a sugaring site in a disrespectful way, then I just ignore him, if I’m out with a guy who’s being a cunt then I walk away. Noone is forcing me to work with any of these men, and I’m very selective about who I work with (I CAN afford to be fussy).
Whatever you do in life, people will treat you the way you expect to be treated; and I expect to be treated with respect, therefore have no time for people who are rude or disrespectful.
As for her final comment that money cannot replace a genuine relationship etc, well pardon me for being single… Unfortunately, you can’t just pick up a boyfriend with your weekly shop, and maybe I don’t want one right now anyway. There have been guys over the last few years who have asked me out, but I’m not prepared to just settle for the sake of it. This idea that we need to be in a romantic relationship in order to have stability and feel loved is total bollocks. I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter, and friends and family who love and support me.
This so called ‘expert’ also fails to understand that having done this job for over 4 years, I’ve become very close to many of my sugar daddies, they aren’t just strangers I work with, they’re trusted friends with whom I share genuine affection. It’s not a conventional relationship that fits into a neat little box, but that doesn’t mean there’s not trust and affection there. I would even go so far as to say that the relationships I have with my sugar daddies have been some of the healthiest I’ve had; with clear boundaries, good communication, honesty and vulnerability on both sides. I’m no expert, but that sounds pretty healthy to me…
Unfortunately, I didn’t get to proof-read the article before it was published. They asked me so many questions and were very selective about what they included in the article. They wanted to make my life sound glamorous and lavish, which it occasionally is, but mostly isn’t.
I’m just a normal down-to-earth girl, I don’t get my hair and nails done or wear designer clothes; when I’m not working, I’m just chilling on my boat in my scruffy clothes and last night’s makeup, tapping away at my laptop.
Whilst the men I see are mostly just normal polite, kind and often very lonely men, I’m more of a companion or a therapist to most of them; it’s not all about sex.
Exposure is exposure though, so I’m not complaining. I just wish they’d mentioned the name of the blog (like I asked them too), and maybe not misspelt my name halfway through the article, but there we go.
Anyway, fuck The Sun, this is where the real story is… you guys know that.
As always, I appreciate you being here.
Emily-Rose xxx
Just to clear up a few other points:
- I have never been a teacher, I was only ever a student support worker
- 65 men is the total number of men I’ve slept with for money over the last 4 years, it’s not how many I have on the books at the moment (and it’s 67 now anyway)
- Whilst I do earn around £3k a month, this is pre-tax, so the actual amount I get to keep is much less
Sugar and Spice 