I met Gary on a beautiful warm October afternoon at a national trust property with picturesque gardens extending down to the river Helford. He was new to the whole sugar daddy thing, so we were meeting to discuss what he was looking for and whether it was something I could provide. I knew very little about Gary, so was curious to find out what had brought him to the site.
It was here, overlooking the river, that Gary explained how earlier that year he’d sadly and unexpectedly lost his wife. She’d become ill very suddenly, got a nasty infection and died. I don’t know how old she was, but Gary was only 58, so she can’t have been that old.
They’d been together since they were young, working hard to provide for their children; now was their time to relax and enjoy each other’s company, to retire and do all the things they’d wanted but never had time to do.
It’s difficult to know what to say when someone divulges something like this, what can you say? No words can take away the pain of such an enormous loss, so I just listened; being with him in that moment, holding space for his grief.
As we continued to explore the grounds, we spoke about lots of things, not just what he wanted and what he was looking for, but about life in general and how unpredictable and unfair it can be. As he’d been so vulnerable with me, I opened up and told him a little about my past, and how I’d ended up as a sugar baby; which isn’t something I normally do on a first meeting.
After our rather emotional walk we drove to a nearby pub for a drink. Gary had enjoyed our afternoon together and was keen to arrange a ‘proper’ meeting where we could get to know each other on a more intimate level. He was feeling guilty about wanting to see me and for having these feelings of lust and desire though, and was worried about what other people would think if they discovered that he was being intimate with another woman; especially his children who’d become very protective over him since losing their Mum.
He was frustrated having lost a huge part of his life, and although his friends and family had rallied around him, none of them had been able to provide the physical intimacy or closeness he was missing. Of course, Gary wanted to have sex again, but it was more than that, as it so often is; it’s lying in bed naked next to someone, feeling the warmth of their body against yours, holding hands, stroking someone’s hair, all the little intimate touches and gestures that you share with a lover. He wasn’t looking for his next great love, just someone to bring back some normality into his life.
Whilst sipping our drinks we discussed his sex-life with his wife, and how it had dried up (literally) when she went through the menopause; even before that though, it had all been very vanilla and boring. She didn’t like giving or receiving oral, and the few times she’d gone down on him it had been painful and unpleasant.
Gary loved his wife though and wouldn’t even have considered looking elsewhere for sex (unlike many married men in that situation). They didn’t talk about it and Gary never complained; the lack of sex was a small price to pay for what was otherwise a happy marriage. However here was a man who’d been given a second chance, and Gary was keen to explore new things in the bedroom and find out what he’d been missing.
He was curious and asked lots of questions, he wanted to understand what I liked and where he should start if he wanted to try something new. We talked about toys, bondage, role play etc; all the exciting things he’d yet to discover and which I was only too happy to explore with him.
I was impressed with Gary’s philosophy regarding what had happened to him. He wasn’t angry or bitter like lots of people would be in his situation; nor was he rolling over and giving up, despite the fact that his whole life had been turned upside down. No doubt he’d been through all the various stages of grief, but he’d come out the other side knowing that life is short and determined to make the most of it.
Do I think we will have challenges going forwards, yes of course. Gary’s not had sex for a few years, and the last time he did was with his wife; so, no doubt the first time will bring up some difficult emotions, but we can talk through them. I’m happy (as with all my men) to take it at his speed; and have reassured him that he’ll never be under pressure to do anything he’s not comfortable with.
It’s a sensitive situation, and I’m all too aware of the need to respect what’s happened; to allow him time and space to talk about his wife if he wants, whilst also providing a safe place to discover who he is without her, and what he wants as a widowed man.
I think Gary’s probably one of the nicest sugar daddies I’ve ever met; just a really kind and genuine man. He’s certainly too good to spend the rest of his life on his own and deserves a second chance at love. It’s not something he’s ready for yet though, it’s too soon to even consider getting involved with someone on a romantic level. Seeing me is an intermediate step, a chance to rediscover his sexual side, and build his confidence.
Hopefully by the time he’s ready to fly the nest (so to speak) he’ll have explored everything he wants and will be the confident sex God I know he can be; ready to make some lucky lady very happy!
For anyone who thinks my job is just having sex with men for money, hopefully you can see that it’s not, it’s so much more then that; and I love the fact that I get to help people in ways that others can’t.
Till next time.
Emily-Rose xxx
Sugar and Spice 