Sugar and Spice

Tag: sexuality

  • Orgasms

    Don’t you agree that orgasms are just the best? I certainly love coming and making other people come, and despite having had sex with lots of people, I still think there’s something special and beautiful about sharing an orgasm with another person.  

    I used to think I was awkward when it came to orgasms, only being able to do so with the help of certain toys, however with age and experience, I’ve found that I can come without them; much to my delight and the delight of the men who’ve experienced it. I may take a while to get there, but it’s totally worth it when I do! 

    Obviously, women’s orgasms are different to men’s, we seem to be more complicated in that department. However, I consider myself to be lucky, as I experience orgasms from both clitoral and g-spot stimulation. My clitoral orgasms take longer to build, but when I come it’s a total lack of control, as the muscles in my pussy go into spasm, and I experience a total release. After coming like this, my clitoris is super sensitive and takes a while to recover, my vagina is good to go though, and I love being penetrated after having a clitoral orgasm, it makes for more pleasurable sex. 

    The other type of orgasm is more controversial and not something all women experience; I’m not sure I’d even really call it orgasming, as it feels more like ejaculating (or squirting as it’s referred to). Unlike my purely clitoral orgasms, I can squirt several times and have found that with practice I can exert some control over when I squirt (although not always).   

    A lot of my sugar daddies have never experienced squirting before, and it can take them by surprise. I mean, it took me by surprise the first time I did it; I thought I’d pissed myself… Now I know what it is, I think it’s just wonderful; the only downside being that it can be quite messy! Fine if you’re in a premier inn or hotel (sorry cleaning staff), but not so good when you’ve drenched the sheets (and mattress ahem) on your sugar daddies’ bed.  

    Thankfully most men don’t seem to mind; they know exactly what they’re doing and could stop if they wanted, but they don’t. To be honest I think they just love the fact that they’ve been able to make me come. 

    Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) I don’t come with all of my sugar daddies, only a select few. I don’t come through penetrative sex alone, so men that just want a quick fuck, miss out on that experience. I’m very good at making men think I’ve come, and making it feel like I’m coming, so men often think I’ve come several times, when in reality I’ve been a long way off even coming once. I don’t mind this though; I just finish myself off when I get home, it’s fine.  

    Men can of course have different types of orgasms too… One of my sugar daddies has what he refers to as ‘mental orgasms’, mental as in ‘in the mind’ rather than ‘crazy’. I’m not sure exactly how it works, and neither is he, but he claims that he can come without actually ejaculating. In all other ways it looks like he’s having an intense orgasm, and it feels just like one (apparently), only without the mess. The other night he had three ‘mental’ orgasms whilst I was edging him with my hands and a toy, before I climbed on top of him, and he eventually shot his load in my pussy.  

    The other way men can apparently experience an orgasm is through having their prostate stimulated. Done correctly you can seemingly make men ejaculate without even touching their penis.  

    I first came across prostate milking when I was working on a sex chatline, as one of my regulars was really into it; I’d read articles about prostate milking to him whilst he masturbated. I’ve come close to doing this with one of my sugar daddies, using a toy up his ass. He was really enjoying it but kept stopping me because he felt like he needed to wee (which he didn’t). I think if he’d just relaxed and ignored the strange sensation, he could have had a very interesting and enjoyable experience…. 

    I was rather mean to one of my sugar daddies once and put a cock ring around the base of his cock, and another around his balls. I tortured his cock (in the nicest possible way) for ages, but he was unable to ejaculate; he felt all the sensations of coming, but without actually doing so.  

    By the time I removed the cock rings, his penis was so sensitive that he couldn’t come no matter how much he wanted to. Don’t worry, whilst he went to sleep frustrated, he got his happy ending in the morning, and I believe it was worth the wait. 

    When men are paying for sex, they like to get their money’s worth, meaning that they’ll often try to come as many times as they can. This is where younger men have the advantage, and when I’m glad that most of my sugar daddies are older. Whilst some of my sugar daddies may go in for round two, most of them leave it there, two in one night leaving them more than satisfied. If I’m spending the night with them, they’ll often go again in the morning if they’re up for it, which most men seem to be… Why do men wake up feeling so horny? 

    Most men have preferences about where and how they like to come, and whilst a lot of my sugar daddies like to come inside me, some struggle with this, and need to be finished by hand, or prefer to come in my mouth; I’ve had men come on and in just about every part of my body. One of my sugar daddies, who likes to be wanked off, explodes with such force that no matter how careful I am, I always end up with come in my hair; which is definitely the most annoying place to get it.  

    Of all the options available, the mouth is certainly the least messy; although I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the taste of come, and I’ve yet to find a woman who is (not that I’ve done extensive research or anything). When a guy comes in my mouth, I swallow it down as quickly as I can, not because I’m a come thirsty whore, but because it tastes gross. If the penis is far enough down your throat, you don’t have to taste it at all, which is a bonus providing you don’t choke on it; you have to time it right though. 

    Maybe one day someone will create something to make men’s sperm taste better. I’m surprised men haven’t tried to create something already actually; surely the incentive’s there… 

    Anyway, I wish you all many happy orgasms, and if you haven’t had one for a while, maybe this is a sign to go knock one out…. 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

  • Being adaptable: an essential skill for every sugar baby.

    Being a sugar baby, it’s important to be adaptable, as you never quite know who you’re going to meet and who’s going to want to pay for your company. I like to think I’m fairly versatile and able to manage myself in whatever situations I find myself in, a bit of a social chameleon if you like; or maybe just a massive people pleaser, either way it doesn’t matter; what matters is that I’m able to adapt who I am to be whatever is needed in that moment. 

    As you’d imagine, there’s not an awful lot of cultural diversity down the far end of Cornwall, not many make it down that far, but being a sugar baby has given me the chance to spend time with people I wouldn’t have the opportunity to otherwise; and who aren’t in some way related to me… always a bonus! 

     I appreciate spending time with people from different cultural backgrounds and hearing about their experiences, and I’ve been lucky enough to be involved with men from all over the world, all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and religions. There’s still so much I don’t know though, so am always asking questions, and wanting to know more. Thankfully most of my sugar daddies are pretty open and don’t mind my curiosity/ nosiness. In return I’m more than happy to talk about myself and answer their questions; it’s a two-way thing. 

    I’ve come to find that if you’re genuinely interested in understanding another person’s experiences and where they’re coming from, then they’ll take the time to explain. Whether it be about their religion, gender, sexual orientation, political beliefs or whatever, I believe it’s better to ask then make assumptions that are incorrect, or heaven forbid rely on inaccurate or harmful stereotypes. As long as you ask in a respectful manner, and you’re prepared to listen in a non-judgemental way, people don’t seem to mind; and if someone doesn’t want to talk about something, they can always tell you to bugger off (or a polite alternative).   

    Having had a relatively sheltered upbringing, I’m often introduced to new things, and have had many firsts with my sugar daddies, most of which I’m happy to say have been enjoyable.  

    My first time eating oysters wasn’t quite so enjoyable though; for someone who swallows for a living, I really struggled! It was like swallowing mouthfuls of slimy gritty sea water full of sand and bits of shell, it was awful. I just sat there, unable to talk, my mouth full of oyster (and God knows what), gulping down wine in an attempt to wash it down. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more like a farmer’s daughter… 

    There have been several times where I’ve fucked up, like the time I ordered a pork dish when I was with one of my Muslim sugar daddies. Thankfully (as a result of the horrified look on his face) I realised straight away what I’d done and quickly changed my order. It wasn’t a big deal, but sparked an interesting conversation as to why he doesn’t eat pork, which was for a very different reason then I thought…    

    We all get things wrong every now and then, but that’s how we learn, right? And if people can see you’re genuinely trying, they’ll forgive the odd mistake. 

    Like most people, I wear different hats (metaphorically speaking), for work, as a parent etc, I’m different people to different people; and whilst it’s true that some of my sugar daddies get to see more of my authentic self, it’s also true that different sugar daddies draw out different sides of my personality. Some men want a slut, whilst others want a respectable lady, some men like to take me out to eat at fancy restaurants, whilst others want to chill in front of the tele; you quickly learn which parts of yourself to bring to the table, and which to leave at home.  

    At the end of the day, as a sugar baby I’m providing a tailor-made service to each one of my sugar daddies, and part of that is being the woman they want me to be. The better I am at giving them what they need, the happier they are, the more they’ll want to see me, and the more money I’ll make, it’s that simple!  

    However, if what they want is something I don’t feel comfortable providing, or they want me to be someone who is totally incompatible with my authentic self and my values, then I don’t take them on as a client; I may bend over backwards for my sugar daddies, but I’m not prepared to bend so far as to break. 

    I think it was Charles Darwin who said something like ‘it is not the strongest or the most intelligent of the species that survives, but the one most adaptable to change’; which really resonates with me. Having said that, it’s a balancing act, as whilst we all need to adjust and adapt to those around us, we mustn’t lose sight of who we are, where we come from and what we value. 

    Till next time, keep it real! 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

  • A Sugar Baby perspective on porn

    Now, I don’t have an issue with porn itself, I often masturbate whilst watching porn (it makes me come quicker), and it’s allowed me to explore some of my sexual fantasies and learn more about what turns me on, and what doesn’t. I’ve been able to experience scenarios (all be it vicariously) that I’ve not have the chance and may never have the chance to experience in real life; I have no shame around the fact that I enjoy watching porn.  

    It can be frustrating watching porn as a woman though, as it’s so obviously targeted towards men, with all the annoying pop-ups about bored housewives waiting to talk to you etc. I don’t need to talk to a bored housewife or horny MILF, I am one… I just want to watch my porn and get myself off.  

    There’s definitely a gap in the market for more female friendly porn, but the porn industry (like so many others) is male dominated, basically just horny men making porn for other horny men to watch; I don’t think there are many women behind the scenes. I think porn made by women, with other women in mind would be very different from male focused porn, and I’d certainly welcome some variety; porn with a bit more of a story line or narrative, maybe a bit more romantic, a bit more empowering and realistic, a little less predictable and cliché. 

    Being someone who works in the sex industry and has sex for money, men often think that I’m going to act like a porn star; which can add a lot of pressure, as I’m not always able to live up to what they see online (I mean, who is…). Men will often actively seek out women like me to recreate what they’ve seen in porn; which is just annoying. Honestly, the number of times that men have tried to fist me because they’ve seen it online, and want to try it. It’s not happening mate…. my pussy doesn’t stretch like that; it’s uncomfortable and it hurts… 

    As for the language used by a lot of the younger men I talk to, it doesn’t take a genius to work out where they’ve picked it up; the disrespectful way they talk to women like me, as if we’re barely human. I’m sure young men watch porn and think that’s how they need to behave; that’s what good sex looks like, that’s how you treat women and that’s how real men fuck (textbook toxic masculinity). I keep referring to younger men, because it does seem to be an age thing, older men (in my experience anyway) tend to be more respectful and less likely to use words like bitch, whore or cumslut; which a lot of young guys will call me, given the chance (which often they aren’t).   

    I don’t consider the act of watching people having sex, or engaging in other sexual activities as either good or bad, I think it’s fairly neutral; it’s the type of sex and the way women are portrayed that can be problematic. I mean, the majority of porn isn’t what you’d call your ‘everyday’ ‘vanilla’ sex, because let’s face it, that’s not very interesting to watch; however, it’s what lots of us are having because it does the trick, and we don’t have the time, energy or imagination to make it ‘exciting’ every time. Sex can at times be boring, or transactional; something you feel duty bound to do. Whilst at other times can be a very intimate and emotional experience, or just playful and silly; it can be so many things, yet what we see represented in porn is limited and often quite extreme.  

    Anal sex for example is made to look unrealistically easy; the men in these videos just bending the woman over and shoving their massive cock up there, like it’s nothing. I’ve had guys just ram it up my ass without any warning whatsoever, and let me tell you now, it can really hurt if you’re not expecting it; and can cause some serious damage. 

    Lots of younger men now consider anal as almost standard though, because it’s so prevalent in porn. However when I’ve discussed it with my friends, most of them haven’t done it, and have no wish to either; in fact, some of them find the idea quite disturbing. This may just be my friends of course, but it demonstrates that not all women are prepared to take it up the ass, it’s a very personal choice, and something that definitely needs to be discussed beforehand.   

    Watching clips of explicit sexual acts without any context (as we do when we watch porn) can be misleading; yet they rarely show what goes on before and after sex, the preparation and conversations that are being had behind the scenes etc. I myself watch some pretty hardcore BDSM porn at times, but often videos where they interview the woman beforehand to discuss what she likes and what her boundaries are, and again afterwards, talking about what she enjoyed etc. Yes, I normally skip through those bits, but at least they’re there and demonstrate consent and the fact that there are boundaries in place, because it’s not always obvious… it also shows that the women involved are real people, with a voice and a say over what is happening to their bodies. 

    One of the biggest issues with porn is obviously underage people accessing it, because however hard we try to prevent it, the reality is that it’s everywhere, and if they really want to find it, they will.  

    The problem isn’t necessarily that they’re watching adults having sex, it’s the nature of the sex that’s the issue… If porn was ‘normal’ middle-aged people, getting ready for bed, having a bit of foreplay, followed by five minutes of missionary, a quick cuddle, and lights out, they’d find it quite boring, and probably wouldn’t bother; however, this isn’t what they’re being exposed to. What they are seeing is extreme; and once they’ve seen it, they aren’t always able to process what they’ve witnessed, or put it into context (due to a lack of any real-life experience).  

    Then of course, there are children who are not looking for it, younger children who aren’t aware of what porn is, who are subjected to it without wanting to be, or come across it accidentally; which is a whole other thing…  

    Whether on purpose or accidental though, the fact is that more and more young people are being exposed to porn before they’re sexually active. Their first impression of sex and what it means to be in a sexual relationship is what they’re viewing online, which is a scary thought. 

    If I were a young person, who’d never had a relationship, did not have a trusted adult to talk to about sex, and all I knew was what I saw online, I could easily believe that: 

    • every man alive is fucking or wants to fuck their step-mum/step-sister/step-daughter etc. I don’t know what the obsession with incest is at the moment, but it’s always front and centre of the site I use, despite the fact that I have no interest in these videos. 
    • every woman is up for being fucked up the ass, no warning needed, any holes a goal, just shove it in there, she won’t mind. 
    • all women are secretly bi, and up for a threesome with another girl. 
    • women don’t have hair on their pussy, or anywhere else on their body for that matter.   
    • everyone is either a dom or a sub, someone is always in control. 
    • the bigger the better, women love men with massive dicks, the bigger your cock, the more she’ll come. 
    • women enjoy having said massive cock rammed down their throat as hard as possible. 
    • it’s acceptable to choke women during sex, no consent required; just go for it, she’ll love it. 

    This is how our young people are being educated (or self-educating themselves), which is not what porn was designed for. Yes, we have sex education in schools, but I don’t think teachers really know how to discuss these issues with young people, and most parents would rather not go there; but by not talking about these things, we are not taking responsibility for what we are creating and exposing young people to, which isn’t fair on them.   

    Porn, just like prostitution, will always be a thing, it’s not going anywhere, so we just as well talk about it… as I’ve already said, I don’t think porn itself is a bad thing, but like everything, can be damaging in the wrong hands. At the most basic level, it’s just people having sex, which is a perfectly natural and normal thing. 

    I’d personally like to see more diversity when it comes to porn though, as I don’t feel particularly represented, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.  

    As someone who’s posted sex videos online, I’d like to see more respect for people creating this type of content, as they are doing a job just like everyone else.   

    I’d also like to see adults talking more about their sex lives, and having more open and honest conversations about what they are getting up to in the bedroom. Let’s try and make sex less of a taboo subject, normalise ‘real’ sex, and call out hard-core porn for what it so often is; unrealistic and unobtainable, and not something we should strive to live up to or feel under pressure to recreate. We don’t all need to be fucking like porn stars, sometimes it’s best to leave these things to the experts.  

    Emily-Rose xxx