I try to set clear boundaries with my sugar daddies, as it’s important for both parties to know exactly what the arrangement is and where they stand. I say ‘try’, because it’s not something I’m particularly good at, but something I’m working on; along with numerous other things…
One thing I make very clear is that I’m not looking for a romantic relationship, or to fall in love; a conversation we usually have before we meet, whilst discussing what we are looking for and negotiating the money side of things. The L word is banned, a line not to be crossed by either party; I don’t want them to fall for me, and I certainly won’t be falling for them. There are a few who get carried away and need reminding; especially after a few drinks. On the odd occasion that the L word has slipped out in the heat of the moment or whispered in bed when they think I’m asleep; I pretend not to have heard (classic conflict avoidance), whilst making a mental note to create some distance and not encourage such behaviour. As for me, this is something I don’t mess up on, I’ve never dropped the L bomb with any of my sugar daddies; not because I’m heartless (although maybe I am), but because I think the L word should be special and actually mean something, not just used willy-nilly. I also don’t want to mislead any of my men or give them false hope, as that would just be cruel. I’m affectionate towards my sugar daddies, and genuinely care about the men I see, but that’s as far as it goes.
Being involved with older men is helpful in maintaining boundaries, as due to the age difference, they know they could never be (and probably wouldn’t want to be) in an actual relationship with me; it’s never going to be anything but a no strings sugar daddy/ sugar baby arrangement. Although one of my sugar daddies (in his seventies), says that if he were 20 years younger, he’d have married me and impregnated me several times; a scary thought indeed.
One boundary that’s very important is keeping my sugar daddies and my family life separate. Being a single Mum, it’s amazing how many sugar daddies want to meet my daughter or buy her presents; which I find a bit creepy! I make it clear that my daughter is not part of the deal, and I’m not going to start giving her stuff from random men she doesn’t know. As with any rule there are exceptions, and my daughter has met a few of my sugar daddies, and been given a few little things, but not often.
As a general rule, I try not to ‘shit on my own doorstep’, metaphorically speaking (though literally too I guess). I don’t like getting involved with men too close to home, as I don’t want to be bumping into sugar daddies when I’m not working, or dealing with angry wives or girlfriends if something goes wrong. So far that’s worked well, and I haven’t had any issues; I only have one sugar daddy who lives within a few miles of me, and I never see him when I’m out.
As you can probably imagine, men can become quite demanding and needy if you’re not careful, especially when there’s money involved. They can feel entitled and like they should be able to access you anytime, day or night; which isn’t practical and can feel overwhelming. They forget that they’re not the only person in your life, or the only one you’re talking to; or even the only man you have an arrangement with. If all my sugar daddies messaged me several times a day, I wouldn’t have any kind of life, I’d literally just spend all day on my phone, which would do my head in. At times I’ve had to ask sugar daddies to back off and give me some space. It’s a fine balancing act though between keeping communication open in-between meetings, keeping the spark alive, and keeping them interested; without feeling like you are being harassed and wanting to tell them all to fuck off.
Video calls can actually fuck off though, so don’t even bother trying; I’m not sat at home looking sexy on the off chance that someone’s going to video call me… Having said that, those who have, don’t seem to care what I look like; so maybe I overestimate the difference that makeup etc makes, or underestimate men’s ability to see beyond such things. I mean, some of my sugar daddies have seen me looking pretty rough, like crying and blowing snot bubbles rough, yet still want to bang me and pay for the pleasure; though normally after I’ve stopped crying.
Whilst most sugar daddies behave and follow the rules, there are always a few who push their luck. Men who have no intention of ever meeting up, who send unsolicited dick pics in the hope that I’ll send nudes in return; it’s annoying as they (dick pics) do nothing for me, and I don’t have the time or energy to be sending stuff for free. Same with videos, I’m not swapping videos, if you want to see me wanking, go to my OnlyFans page and pay like everyone else. I can’t pay my bills with dick pics; if I could… I’d be set for life.
I don’t mind my regulars asking for stuff, but I can’t cope with the ‘what are you wearing/doing right now’ requests, which are just tiresome! Like I have nothing better to do, then drop everything and spend ages trying to take a flattering photo of myself washing the dishes or doing the laundry, you really need to see that? For my own sanity, and because it makes me irritable, I don’t rush to send a reply but will respond in my own time, if and when convenient.
As with any job, there needs to be a work-life balance, though inevitably due to the nature of the work, the antisocial hours, and the fact that I’m always hustling and lining up jobs, the balance can get a bit out of whack. At times I’ve definitely over-extended myself; too many late nights and different men leaving me physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Overtime I’ve learnt to create a better balance, though inevitably I still burn the candle at both ends, because I’m an idiot; and I like having fun and making money.
When things become too much, which they sometimes do, I’ll put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours, or block out a few days to either rest or catch up with friends. My phone is on silent overnight anyway, so I’m not disturbed when I’m sleeping; and whilst there are often several messages waiting for me in the morning, no-one gets a reply until I’ve had my morning cuppa.
At the end of the day, I know that if any of my sugar daddies are being too demanding or unreasonable, I can just end the arrangement. I’ve had to do this a few times when men have become too emotionally involved or not respected my boundaries. It’s not my favourite thing to do, and I’m not very good at it; I’m far too nice, and they always want to stay in touch and be friends afterwards. It can be hard when someone has opened up to you and told you how lonely they are, but I have to be strong and remind myself that I can’t look after everyone and give all the time. Ultimately, as harsh as it sounds, if I’m no longer benefitting from a sugar daddy being in my life, then I have to let them go.
As a sugar baby you give a lot to other people, which doesn’t always leave a lot left for yourself. It’s true what they say though, that you need to fill your own cup before you fill other peoples. So, on that note, I’m going to sit in the sun and enjoy a nice cup of tea; and leave my phone inside.
Look after yourself!
Emily-Rose xxx
Sugar and Spice 