Sugar and Spice

Tag: Self-love

  • My Body (keeping it real)

    I’m not sure I look like a ‘typical’ sugar baby but then, what does a typical sugar baby look like?  I’m 5ft 7in and a dress size 12 (UK); I’m not as slim as I used to be, but it is what it is.  

    As you can probably see from my photos, I have thick hair, with a surprizing amount of grey; or silver highlights as I call them. I used to hate my hair growing up, so thick and unruly, but now as I watch other women faffing around with hair extensions and expensive products trying to create volume, I finally appreciate what I’ve got.  

    My eyes are probably my best feature; despite the fact they don’t work very well (I can see fuck all without contact lenses or glasses). I’m not so keen on my masculine (roman) nose, but you can’t have it all. I like my pale complexion and classical looking face; and lean into the ‘English rose’ aesthetic I’ve got going on. I’d be great in one of those Tudor period dramas; in a tightly laced corset, my bosoms heaving, waiting for some rich married man to fuck me and make me his mistress… hmm yes please!  

    Talking of bosoms, I love my breasts; they’re a good handful (36D if you’re interested), and fairly pert. I can still get away without a bra if I need to; although for how much longer I’m not sure… (gravities a bitch). My tummy is soft and rounded, bigger than I’d like, but that’s because I’m lazy and enjoy eating and drinking too much; I have a big slapable ass, strong thighs and long shapely legs. I have stretch marks from being overweight as a teenager, and having a child, but these are faded now, and not as noticeable as they once were. My stretchmarks don’t bother me, I think they’re quite pretty; the cellulite on the back of my thighs on the other hand is not so attractive, but at least I don’t have to look at it.  

    Shall I describe my pussy? I just as well… I can always cut it out later (the description, not my pussy, blimey). Before you ask, no, she doesn’t have a name, I just refer to her as my pussy, or if I’m feeling funny I might call her my money maker, but that sounds a bit crass.  

    You know some girls have neat tucked away pussies that you have to open like a delicate flower, well mine’s not like that; it’s out and proud, like a big old daffodil. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have massive saggy pussy lips or anything, it’s still fairly neat, it’s just a shower, not a grower. I actually think it’s quite pretty, but then I think pussies are, they’re certainly nicer to look at then penises, which just look silly most of the time.  

    My clitoris is easy to find (for most men anyway) and will become erect and stick out when aroused. Despite having had a child, my vagina is in pretty good shape, one advantage of having a baby so young, I guess. It’s still fairly tight (or so I’m told), and men often find it hard to believe I’ve had a child, which is always a nice compliment (shout out to the doctor who sewed me back together afterwards…).  

    If you’re struggling to picture my pussy, here’s a description from one of my sugar daddies, “most pleasant and a bit like a ham roll with an engorged slice of ham peering out from time to time”. Before you say anything, no, I didn’t ask for this, it was just a random message he sent me one day after we’d had sex…  

    Men seem to love my womanly curves, and soft milky skin; my hourglass figure looks classy in figure hugging dresses, and my long legs look good in stockings and suspenders. My body is far from perfect, but it’s the only one I’ve got, and I’m certainly not about to do anything drastic to change it.  

    Growing up I never liked my body or the way I looked, I was bullied quite badly at school, so have had to work hard to love and accept myself (which is still a challenge at times). At the end of the day, I’m not stunning and I’m never going to be, but I’m pretty enough, which is all that matters really. I’ve certainly improved with age, not quite the ugly duckling who turned into a magnificent swan, but the ugly duckling who turned into a pretty enough looking duck (which makes more sense, ducklings don’t turn into swans, that’s impossible).  

    Before you ask, no, I’ve not had any cosmetic surgery (which would be obvious if you ever met me); I don’t do Botox or lip fillers or any shit like that. No-one is putting any needles anywhere near my face, or anywhere else for that matter!  

    I was a proper tomboy growing up; so not very good at all the grooming and pruning that us women are ‘supposed’ to do. I don’t fake tan, nor do I wax or pluck anything, other than this one really annoying hair below my nipple which randomly appeared the other day and keeps coming back, what the fuck…  

    I shave my legs and under arms, and keep my pussy trimmed, but that’s about it; oh, apart from using hair removal cream on my toes, something I’ve been doing since my ex-boyfriend’s daughter asked her dad why his girlfriend had hairy toes… loudly enough for me to hear (aren’t kids great).  

    Sometimes if I haven’t bothered to shave for a while, I pretend I’m one of those women who doesn’t give a fuck, but I’m not really ready to embrace the whole hairy look in public quite yet, and to be honest I don’t think my sugar daddies are either. I’m slightly worried that I’m growing a moustache, but have so far avoided doing anything about it, I’ve a horrible feeling that once I start, I’ll have to keep it up; and I’m not sure I can be bothered at the moment to be honest. I’ll just wait for some innocent child to point it out…   

    As well as attempting to stay smooth and hair free(ish), I usually have painted nails and wear a modest amount of makeup. I don’t get my nails done professionally or anything, I just paint them at home whilst watching tv. Infact, I haven’t even been to a hairdresser for years, I just cut my own hair; I don’t like having people fussing over me! Some of my sugar daddies like me to dress up and have a more glamourous look, whilst others prefer something more understated and natural, so I tailor my look accordingly, or at least attempt to.  

    I don’t scrub up too badly actually, and when I’m all dressed up and out at a fancy restaurant, I love looking and acting like a lady (like a proper lady, not just someone with a vagina). It’s a stark contrast to sitting at home in my PJs, slobbing out on the sofa, watching Netflix, which is often what I’m doing when I’m not working; I’m not very glamourous at home…  

    There are sugar babies out there who are absolutely stunning and look like Victoria Secret models, but I’m not one of them; I’m very much your girl next door. I do own a Victoria Secret handbag, but that’s as close as I’m ever going to get… 

    Who wants to go out with someone unrealistically attractive, who’s too worried about looking perfect to have a good time anyway… 

    Here’s to all us women keeping it real! 

    Emily-Rose XXX 

  • Dating with a sucky attitude: why self-love comes first.

    Martin is the most negative and pessimistic person I’ve ever met, hence why I’ve nicknamed him ‘Eeyore’; although that seems unfair on Eeyore who’s a ray of sunshine in comparison and at least cute (man, I’m a bitch). 

    Anyway, Martin is fairly successful; owning his own business buying and selling luxury cars and is quite well-known and respected in the ‘car world’. He drives a nice car (obviously), wears designer clothes, is well travelled and not unattractive for his age. He’s single and wants to be in a relationship but struggling to find anyone suitable. He can’t be happy whilst he’s single, but can’t find anyone to make him happy because he’s too depressed (about being single), it’s a real catch 22.  

    Martin was married, but left his wife because he thought the grass was greener, which he now realises it isn’t. I think he saw other men with young attractive ‘trophy wives’ and thought he could have the same; only that hasn’t quite worked out; a lesson there for all middle-aged men … 

    Martin works from home most of the time, so doesn’t get the opportunity to meet people or socialise that often, which is unfortunate, but not uncommon; it makes it difficult to find love though… 

    I’ve suggested he find a hobby, join an organisation or club and get himself out there, but he just says he isn’t interested in or good at anything. On the rare occasion he’s made an effort, he hasn’t enjoyed it or liked any of the people, plus there’ve been no attractive single women… so no point.  

    I’ve suggested he get a pet to keep him company if he’s that lonely, but he doesn’t want the hassle. I’ve suggested putting energy into platonic friendships and creating a support network, getting to know people who may be able to introduce him to someone, I’ve suggested keeping a gratitude diary to focus on what he does have rather than what he doesn’t, so he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out. 

    I’ve even suggested that he go to his doctor for help, but he thinks they’ll just prescribe antidepressants and he doesn’t want to pop pills (or be happy apparently)… Basically, no matter what I suggest, he’ll find a reason why it won’t work, and insists that he’ll be sad and lonely forever; which with an attitude like that, is likely to be the case. 

     He occasionally pays women like me for their company, but that depresses him too, and he spends the whole time moaning about how he can’t find love and saying things like ‘you’re only here because I’m paying you’, which is true but not really the point.  

    I’ve tried to explain how he needs to learn to love himself before he can love someone else, but he just says that he doesn’t know how, and that he can’t be happy and love himself until he finds someone; and we just go round in circles. He’s basically waiting for someone else to come along and magically fix everything for him, which isn’t how life works (unfortunately). 

    He’s handed over thousands of pounds to professional matchmakers, but they haven’t had any success, as no-one they suggest is good enough, and he gets frustrated and ends up being rude to them.  

    He’s had counselling too, but that didn’t work either (obviously, because nothing does) and in the end even the counsellor gave up (the will to live probably) and told him that she couldn’t help him. It seems to me that he must just like being depressed, there’s no other explanation for his behaviour; he’s just one of those people who is only content when they have something to complain about and can wallow in self-pity….that or he doesn’t know how else to get attention. 

    For someone who’s desperate to be with someone, he’s surprisingly fussy and judgemental, and will write women off without giving them a chance because they’re not attractive enough, or he doesn’t like what they’re wearing etc. He’s set the bar so high that no-one is going to be good enough, but maybe that’s the point; as long as he pushes everyone away, he can’t get hurt…he can just be miserable (which seems to be where he’s comfortable). It’s frustrating because this is a man who could have it all…. the only thing stopping him is his shitty attitude and pessimistic outlook on life.  

    Although I’m still in touch with him, I rarely see him; which is just as well as it’s mentally draining spending time with him, and enough to make anyone feel depressed. Even messaging to arrange a date is hard work, so I don’t bother.   

    He’s still trawling the sugar daddy sites looking for love, and recently messaged another sugar baby with the opening line “I don’t expect you’ll even bother to read this message but…”; hardly an inspiring introduction to entice or attract a young lady, but one that sums him up perfectly.  

    I don’t want you to think that I’m shitting on someone with mental health issues here, because I know what it’s like to have depression, it’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life. What I can’t cope with is Martin’s victim mentality and learned helplessness; it’s very difficult to help someone like that, as unless they want to change, you’re just wasting your time. 

     Expecting someone to come into your life and magically make everything better is unrealistic and grossly unfair on the other person. Other people can help, support and guide you, but at the end of the day if you want to change your life, no-one else can do that for you; as tough as it is, you’ve just got to put the work in.  

    Remember that the longest and most important relationship you’ll ever have in life is the one you have with yourself, so invest in making that one a good one. 

    Advice for Martin, and anyone else in his situation 

    1. If you want to be in a relationship, be the sort of person that people will want to be in a relationship with; work on yourself and being the best person you can. Have hobbies and interest, be fun and interesting, invest in non-romantic relationships and learn how to be happy in your own skin. Don’t expect someone else to give you there all if you have nothing to offer in return. 
    1. Don’t put your whole life on hold until you’re in a relationship, don’t not do things just because you’re single. Get yourself out there and live your life, who knows when the right person may come along or how long you’ll be waiting. It’ll probably happen when you least expect it, so in the meantime, make the most of your life and don’t waste time pining over something you don’t have. 
    1. Be realistic about what sort of person will be attracted to you. We tend to couple up with people of a similar attractiveness/ successfulness to ourselves. Don’t waste time chasing people who are way out of your league, unless you really enjoy being rejected.  
    1. Accept the looks aren’t everything, so don’t be vain; a lasting successful relationship is not based on physical attraction alone. Be open minded about what you’re looking for as love can be found in unexpected places, and from unexpected people. 
    1. Accept that it’s not someone else’s responsibility to make you happy, or in some way ‘make you whole’, no-one with their shit together is going to be attracted to someone who is deeply unhappy or unsatisfied with their life. Unless you want to be rescued by a narcissist with a ‘hero complex’, learn to live with yourself and be happy on your own. 
    1. Don’t feel under pressure to be in a relationship just because everyone else is, or that’s what society expects (tells) you to do. Some people are more than happy on their own, and there are a lot of advantages to being single; there are worse things to be, I promise. 
    1. Whatever you do, don’t come across as desperate! People can sense desperation and will either a) find it grossly unattractive or b) see it as an opportunity to take advantage of or exploit you; neither of which are great. 

    Good luck! 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    If you liked this blog, check out my blog on physical attraction

    Physical attraction