Sugar and Spice

Tag: Physical abuse

  • A risky business…

    It would be irresponsible of me to write about being a sugar baby without writing about some of the ‘not so good’ parts of the job. I’d hate to be accused of glamourising this type of work, because believe me, it’s often anything but… 

    Unfortunately, by its very nature, being a sugar baby is a risky job, but for some reason I am (and always have been) a bit of a risk taker; it’s just the way I am… impulsive and occasionally irresponsible.  

    Whilst I arrange to meet my sugar daddies in a public place, there are times when I’ve only a matter of minutes (or seconds) to decide whether they’re safe or not before I jump into their car, follow them back to their house, or go into a hotel room with them.  

    Whilst I like to think I’m a good judge of character and could defend myself, in reality most of my sugar daddies could overpower me if they wanted to. I’m incredibly lucky that I haven’t been hurt (without consent anyway), been forced into doing anything I haven’t wanted to do or been in a position where I’ve felt physically unsafe; however, I appreciate that I put myself in situations where this could happen.  

    As you know (if you read my blogs) I’ve done things that I wouldn’t want to do again, seen people I haven’t enjoyed spending time with, and been in some unpleasant situations; but thankfully nothing I haven’t been able to handle. There have been times when I’ve had to walk away from men who have been rude and unpleasant though, which whilst difficult, is not something I’m afraid to do. Like any job involving other people, you’re always going to come across the odd asshole (no pun intended). 

    Obviously having sex for a living comes with numerous health risks. Urinary tract infections for example are an occupational hazard when having sex with multiple partners, especially when anal is involved (men aren’t always careful about what they’re sticking where).  

    Sexually transmitted infections are also a huge risk, and whilst I’d like to say I always use protection, that would be a lie. Yes, I know I’m stupid to put my sexual health at risk, but trying to get some men to wear condoms is a real challenge, especially older men who have trouble maintaining an erection. Given the choice I’ll use protection, but I don’t force the issue.  

    I keep tabs on who I’m sleeping with and try to keep it within a closed network; however, being the sexpot I am, I do occasionally slip up (see my blog ‘disaster strikes’).  

    I’m honest with the men I’m involved with, they know I’m having sex with other men and that not all my sugar daddies use protection; if they decide not to, they know the risks. Thankfully it’s a rare occurrence; three STIs in nearly four years isn’t bad going, but probably still three too many! 

    Most of the time I’ll fuck a sugar daddy before taking or checking payment, as I don’t like demanding payment upfront or counting money in front of people (feels yucky). Whilst I’ve never not been paid, I’m always quite relieved when I open the envelope and find it’s full of money and not empty; that would really suck! I don’t know what I’d do if a guy didn’t pay though, I don’t think there’s really anything I could do about it… 

    A lot of my sugar daddies take me out and spend time with me in public, which can be problematic. I’ve been shouted at for being a whore, had people asking whether I’m a prostitute and how much I charge, and been in a situation where my sugar daddy was accused of being a whoremonger.   

    Unfortunately, if I’m out with a much older man it’s obvious what’s going on, and people will pass judgement, that’s just human nature. In general, men seem to be more ok with it then women; who can be quite judgemental and untrusting, like you’re morally corrupt and going to steal their man or something. That or they get jealous and want to put you down; women can be so bitchy. Men on the other hand just see you as a piece of meat, or an easy lay; which isn’t great either, but in many ways easier to deal with. 

    There are still unfortunately people who see women who work in this industry as an expendable commodity though; and believe that because of what we do we don’t deserve respect and should expect (or even tolerate) a certain amount of physical or verbal abuse as just ‘part of the job’. However, whilst it’s true that as a sex worker I’m putting myself in a vulnerable position, just as the men who engage with me are, it doesn’t mean I’m asking to be abused or disrespected, because I assure you, I’m not. 

    If I was abused or assaulted by a client, do I feel like I could go to someone for help without fear of judgement… no, probably not. Which is shit, because if I was doing a more ‘socially acceptable’ job it would be different; as a sex worker I don’t think I’d get the same level of empathy or support though… 

    Unfortunately, sex work has a bad reputation and is greatly misunderstood, most people don’t like to talk about it because it’s seen as dirty or dishonest in some way. Hopefully you can appreciate that sex work isn’t necessarily a ‘dirty’ or ‘shameful’ thing though, it can be done in a dignified and respectful way.  

    Although it is perfectly legal, sex workers are not safeguarded or protected, it’s very much an ‘at your own risk’ sort of job. We’re not given the same support as those who work in other industries, because society doesn’t like to admit that this sort of thing goes on or openly discuss ways to make it safer (as that would be like saying it’s ok). Not only does this put sex workers at risk, but it also puts the men who engage with sex workers at risk too. I’ve heard numerous horror stories from men who have been conned or blackmailed by sex workers but felt powerless to do anything about it; but that’s for another day.  

    To conclude, whilst I obviously enjoy my job (most of the time), I wouldn’t necessarily encourage all women to rush out and become a sugar baby. It’s not a job that would suit everyone, it takes a certain type of person to do this kind of work; which if I’m being totally honest with you, is probably not the kind of person you want to be.  

    For me though the rewards far outweigh the risks, and I can’t imagine doing anything else right now. 

    Till next time, stay safe or stay lucky. 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    Disaster strikes

  • The Sadist and the Masochist 

    My meetings with Ed are met with a slight nervousness, as I know I’m going to be punished, no matter how good I am. He was clear from our first meeting that he needed me to be completely submissive and wasted no time in showing me who was boss.  

    The first time I experienced the sting of his belt against my naked flesh, it took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. It hurt, it really hurt, but he didn’t care. I cried out as he lashed me several times, pausing between each one, watching my body tense and twitch in anticipation. I have a safe word, but it’s to be used sparingly, and I’ve only ever used it once.  

    In-between the thrashings, he is tender and loving, gently caressing my body and giving me pleasure; telling me how beautiful I am, and how much he adores me. He makes me cum several times, my pussy shamefully wet after such cruel treatment; revealing that on some level it turns me on, a fact that troubles me slightly. When he makes love to me, he is passionate, taking his time to fully enjoy my body before allowing himself to cum inside me.  

    We meet at a travel lodge, a useful location due to the early check-in time. He is very clear that he needs 6 hours with me, and I’m punished if I’m late. I’m regularly slapped in the face for answering back or speaking when I shouldn’t. It’s never too hard, but it always takes me by surprise. 

    Before we meet, he sends instructions, dictating what I should wear, how to do my makeup, what to do with my hair, and what colour to paint my nails. To get this wrong would result in further punishment. I’m not supposed to wear knickers when we meet, I forgot about this once, and he got really upset; needless to say, I didn’t forget again.    

    After our first session in the bedroom, we head out for something to eat. He walks with purpose and leads me by the hand, so everyone knows that I belong to him; I dutifully follow and keep my head down as instructed. At the restaurant he orders for me, I don’t even bother looking at the menu; he will choose what I eat, and I will be grateful for what I receive. In a weird way I enjoy not having to make decisions, it’s oddly relaxing.  

    I guess Ed must be in his mid to late 60s, though I don’t know exactly how old he is; he won’t say. He’s had a tough life, which shows on his face, especially when he frowns; yet his eyes are a beautiful bright blue and full of life. Despite having had cancer in the past, his body is sturdy and strong. He dresses like a gentleman and wears a trilby hat when we’re out in public; which with his grey beard gives him a rather distinguished look.  

    In between the alternating punishing and lovemaking, we talk about life and who we are as people. Ed is struggling under a mountain of responsibility; his job is stressful and involves travelling to less developed countries. He sees so much poverty, war and suffering, and whilst he’s doing what he can to help the situation, it’s a never-ending ordeal which he finds exasperating.  

    At home he cares for his sick wife, who becomes less able with each passing month. He describes the pain of watching the woman he loves deteriorating in front of his eyes and talks about the terrible suffering in places like Syria and Ukraine, which trouble him greatly. He gallantly shoulders it all, but I can see how it wears him down and eats away at his soul.  

    In moments of vulnerability, he will weep in my arms at the thought of all the injustice in the world; normally just after he’s come, the action of coming not only being a physical relief, but an emotional one too. At times like these I just hold him, gently stroke his hair, and reassure him that I’m there and he’s safe; the man who was beating me moments before, is now a weeping child in my arms.  

    As sad as these moments are, they are at the same time very special, and incredibly moving; my heart feels for him, and I want nothing more than to ease his suffering and take away the pain. Sometimes we cry together, not needing to talk, just being together in our sadness. 

    I often wonder why Ed is the way he is and why he treats me the way he does; and have come to the conclusion that he needs a place to be dominant and feel in control, as in his normal everyday life he feels somewhat powerless. He cannot control his wife’s health, or what is happening in the world around him. He has so many people relying on him and making demands; looking to him for answers that he just doesn’t have. The lack of control in these situations makes him angry and frustrated; but as he wraps his hands around my neck, controlling my breath, my very life force, he knows that in that moment he has total control.  

    In punishing me he can temporarily rebalanced the suffering in the world, metaphorically speaking that is. He arrives feeling exasperated and tired, but leaves feeling strong and replenished; grateful to me for temporarily easing his pain and suffering. 

    You probably think I’m crazy to put myself through this, money or no money. Indeed, in my ‘normal’ life I wouldn’t condone this behaviour or endure such treatment from a partner; I don’t have time for men who are abusive towards women. Ed is not a bad person though, he’s actually very kind and thoughtful, and I don’t for one minute believe that Ed has ever (or would ever) treat his wife or anyone else the way he treats me, unless that was the arrangement.  

    I know how deeply he loves his wife, and how gentle and patient he is with her. He only does this to me because I allow him to, and that’s a really important distinction to make. I have given him permission to do these things to me, I can stop whenever I want; and walk away without any repercussions.  

    Whilst on the surface it may seem like he has all the power, I feel very much like I’m the one in control of the situation. Whilst he goes away from our meetings feeling strong and empowered, in a weird (and maybe messed up way) I feel the same. I may be marked and sore, but I have not let him break me. I have remained strong, taken his anger and frustration, witnessed his tears, and made him feel safe and secure. I walk out with my head held high, and my spirits lifted by the fact that I’ve made someone feel better; and in my own little way made a difference. 

    *P.S: I don’t want anyone for one moment to think that the above is comparable to physical abuse within a relationship (something I’ve not experienced). I don’t condone physical abuse and would never be in a relationship with someone who treated me like this. This is not healthy behaviour or compatible with a truly loving relationship.  

    In real life abusive situations there isn’t a safe word, or necessarily the option to walk away without consequences, I am providing a service and being paid for it though. If you recognise any of the above behaviour in your own relationship then I advise you to seek help, you do not need to suffer in silence. I choose for 6 hours a month to be treated like this…. you don’t need to. 

    Emily-Rose xxx