Sugar and Spice

Tag: Orgasms

  • Sex Toys

    I love my toys, I have a chest full of everything from butt plugs, strap ons and whips, along with a collection of restraints and leather cuffs; I’m a sucker for anything leather (or faux leather I should say). 

    I started experimenting with masturbation aides when I was about 15, using an electric toothbrush to bring myself off after seeing someone masturbating on tv with one. It worked surprisingly well, and I loved the feeling of having something electronic buzzing between my legs.  

    It wasn’t long until I upgraded to the classic rabbit, purple with colourful beads rotating around the shaft. The dildo part didn’t do much for me (I had yet to discover my g-spot), but those flicking ears against my clit sent me into ecstasy.  

    It wasn’t until I got my magic wand that I discovered I could squirt; which was exciting, if not a bit messy. I’m hardcore so have a mains-powered wand; I don’t fuck about when it comes to my orgasms. They’re not made to last though (not the way I use them), I think I’m on my fourth one now; which is annoying as they’re not exactly cheap… 

    I love being edged with my wand, but you have to be careful not to desensitise yourself. If you tease yourself for too long then it’s difficult to come, which can be really frustrating.  

    I don’t use my magic wand that much anymore, as I prefer the smaller, more compact clitoral stimulators these days. I’ll often use one of these with a g-spot vibrator, which is more than enough to do the trick.   

    For some reason I’ve never been able to make myself come with just my fingers, I’ve always required help, which is frustrating if I’m away (on my own) without my toys and feeling horny. Using the shower head is pretty good, but again, not enough to make me come. 

    I don’t know why I can’t make myself orgasm without them…. maybe it’s because I’ve always used them so never experimented and learnt how to pleasure myself properly, or my pussy is desensitised from years of vibrators. Although I’m quite lazy, so if a machine can give me an amazing orgasm with minimal effort, then that’s what I’m going to do.  

    I used to think that no-one could make me come without my toys but have discovered that isn’t true as I’ve several sugar daddies who manage just fine without them; and whilst my orgasms aren’t a priority when I’m working, it’s always a bonus when I have one. 

    I do use toys with some of my sugar daddies; they’ll often suggest I bring my favourites so they can watch me bring myself off, or they’ll ask me to bring something to use on them. A few of my sugar daddies enjoy being fucked up the ass with a strap-on or being pleasured with a prostate vibrator; and cock rings are always useful for older sugar daddies who struggle to maintain an erection.  

    Occasionally a sugar daddy will surprise me by randomly pulling out a vibrator or another toy when we’re together, and whilst I don’t mind, I can’t help but wonder how many other women it’s been used on, and why they didn’t ask me to bring my own… 

    I on the other hand never surprise my sugar daddies with toys in the bedroom; I only bring them out if it’s something we’ve discussed and something I know they’re in to. Not all men want a strange object shoved up their ass, or to see me pleasuring myself with a toy when they’re there with the real thing, a few of them would be quite offended if I pulled out a vibrator in their presence. 

    I understand why some men feel threatened by toys though, I mean it must be a bit daunting to open your girlfriend’s bedside drawer and find a massive 10-inch cock when you’re 6 inches at best. Having solo fun with a toy is not the same as having fun with another person though, they’re totally different things; you can’t connect on an emotional or spiritual level with a piece of plastic (or I can’t anyway).  

    For men who are worried that toys are replacing them in the bedroom, and joke that they’ll soon be nothing more than ‘sperm donors’, that’s ridiculous. These are the same men who feel threatened by female emancipation in general though and yearn for a bygone era when women were dependent on men for everything; men with fragile egos who don’t understand or appreciate female sexuality.   

    Sex dolls are getting pretty advanced now, but I don’t feel threatened as I know that no amount of technology is going to be able to replace what I can offer as a real-life human being. Yes, lots of men would rather fuck a robot or a machine, but that’s their prerogative; and there’s normally a deep-seated psychological reason why. If a sex doll helps them get their needs met, then I don’t see anything wrong with that; plus, it’s not like there’s a shortage of men requiring the real thing…   

    Whilst I started using sex toys at a fairly young age, I stuck to the basics; it wasn’t until I started doing OnlyFans that my toy collection expanded and became more exciting as I could justify spending money on toys to create content. I bought certain toys to create specific videos which were requested by fans. I had so many requests to see me fucking a big black cock for example that I invested in a massive black dildo to film with (I didn’t have access to the real thing at the time so had to make do). I still have the dildo but rarely use it as I don’t want to stretch my pussy (have to look after the merchandise), plus I can access the real thing now which is so much better anyway…     

    I was always trying to come up with creative ways to film with my toys when I was doing OnlyFans, I made some pretty random videos; one of my favourites involving a suction cup dildo and an exercise ball. This was all during lockdown when I was bored and had far too much time on my hands though. 

    I’d love to be a toy tester for a company like Lovehoney though, I think I’d be really good at it; I’ve got loads of their stuff anyway. If anyone from Lovehoney is reading this then hit me up, let’s do a collab… 

    Like most things in life, sex toys are neither good nor bad, they’re just an aide which if used correctly can enhance our experiences in the bedroom. I don’t think anyone feels (or needs to feel) embarrassed about using them, in our culture anyway it’s fairly normal. I mean you can even buy them in supermarkets now; I’m not entirely sure who’s buying a dildo with their weekly shop, but I guess they must sell… 

    If you haven’t experimented with toys, then why not give it a go. Start with something basic and see how you get on; don’t be intimidated by the vast selection available, start simple. If you’re in a relationship and want to spice things up in the bedroom, then why not get your partner involved as well. 

    Whatever you do, have fun. 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    Enjoyed this post….why not check out this one

    Sex toys in public places – when it works and when it doesn’t…

  • Orgasm inequality

    Orgasm inequality is a term I’ve come across (or not haha) a few times recently; another inequality to add to the list… Yay! It’s definitely a thing though, and something I experience regularly in both my personal life and as a sugar baby. 

    If you don’t know what orgasm inequality is, it’s a term used to describe the disparity in sexual satisfaction (or orgasming) during sexual encounters between straight men and women; the ‘orgasm gap’ so to speak. Straight men orgasming far more frequently than straight women during their sexual encounters.    

    Unfortunately, the majority of my sugar daddies don’t make me come, most don’t even get close. My sexual interactions with them are focused on them getting their needs met; which is fine as to be honest I wouldn’t want to come with most of them anyway, I can do that in my own time. My orgasms don’t pay the bills, theirs do… 

    Having said that, it’s nice when I do come across (excuse the pun) a sugar daddy who can fully satisfy me. I have a few regulars at the moment who know exactly what they’re doing and how to make me climax; which is a real bonus.  

    Obviously both men and women enjoy a good orgasm, so why is orgasm inequality a thing? Why aren’t women getting their needs met in the bedroom? 

    I think there are several reasons for this, maybe the most obvious being that women rarely orgasm through penetrative sex alone, most need direct clitoral or g-spot stimulation, or at the very least some decent foreplay before penetrative sex. Therefore, if you’re having a quicky, whilst the man will come, the woman is often left feeling frustrated. 

    Rather annoyingly, when men become sexually aroused, which seems to happen at the drop of a hat (or some panties) they’re driven to get their cock into somewhere (or something) warm and wet; once they’ve done this and shot their load, they’ve little motivation for anything else. As far as they’re concerned, they’ve reached the finish line, and ‘sexy time’ is over; if you haven’t climaxed during this time, you’re out of luck…  

    Whilst some men are conscious about a woman’s need for stimulation and will focus on giving pleasure before getting their end away, others seem to think that a quick fingering before entering with their cock is sufficient, which it really isn’t.  

    I’d love to say that this is because men are selfish arseholes who only care about their own needs, but I don’t believe that’s true (not of all of them anyway); in many cases I think they just don’t know any better. Men can be quite naive when it comes to what woman want and need in the bedroom, and it’s this lack of awareness and education around female sensuality and sexuality that’s often the issue. 

    To be fair on men, us women can be complicated when it comes to our orgasms; hampered by the fact that our erogenous zones are hidden away. Let’s face it, you can’t exactly miss an erect penis, but the clitoris and g-spot are slightly more elusive.  

    It can also take time for a woman’s orgasm to build, and most women need to feel comfortable and in the right place mentally before they can fully let go and experience an orgasm. Add this to the fact that all women like to be touched and achieve orgasm differently, and it’s no wonder men are struggling (and often just give up).  

    Women can feel self-conscious about the fact that their orgasms are not easily achieved, or in some situations not going to happen at all, and therefore resort to ‘faking it’ in order to take the pressure of themselves or their partner. I’ve been guilty of doing this on numerous occasions; I’ve faked orgasms because it’s easier than admitting to not having had one. I’ve also been guilty of letting men think I’ve come in order to protect their egos (I’m really good at faking it); but what are you supposed to say when a guy says ‘wow, you came so many times’ or asks how many times you climaxed… If it’s someone who’s paying me, or it’s a one-off thing then what’s the point in being honest and hurting their feelings; sometimes it’s easier just to lie. 

    Trouble is, by being dishonest, or disingenuous about our orgasms (or lack of), we aren’t helping the situation. Men can hardly remedy a problem they don’t know exists. How are men expected to learn how to satisfy us if we don’t speak up about what we need and let them know that our needs are not being met.   

    The traditional role of women as ‘care givers’, and nurturers has resulted in women being less likely to speak up about what they want in the bedroom though (and elsewhere for that matter) as it feels somehow selfish. We’ve been conditioned into believing that sex is about men ‘needing’ a physical release, and that our needs are somehow less important.  

    Indeed, if we think of sex as the means to reproduce and create new life, it’s essential for the man to orgasm and ejaculate, to release the sperm that will fertilize the egg. At no point does a woman need to orgasm in order to become pregnant. From a reproductive perspective therefore, the female orgasm is irrelevant… a nice to have rather than a necessity. Men’s orgasms are essential for the survival of the species, women’s are not… but that shouldn’t mean they get overlooked; especially when most of us, most of the time are having sex for pleasure rather than to reproduce anyway… 

    Throughout history, women’s needs have been chronically overlooked though, it’s only relatively recently (historically speaking) that female self-autonomy and empowerment have even been a thing. Our traditional patriarchal society has encouraged women to please and be pleasing to men in the bedroom (and out of it), leading to men (straight men anyway) becoming complacent and in some cases quite selfish. 

    I’ve certainly felt the need to please men in the bedroom, felt under pressure to make them come, and endeavored to do so regardless as to whether I’ve been enjoying the experience or not; I’m not sure I can say the same for any of the men I’ve been with though. When I go to bed with a man, I know he’s expecting an orgasm, so if that doesn’t happen, I can’t help but feel I’ve somehow failed at my job. Men can get quite sulky when they don’t get their ‘happy ending’…. 

    A lot of my brief personal encounters (one night’s stands etc) have been very similar to my encounters with my sugar daddies (i.e. they’ve come and I haven’t). My long-term relationships have been different though as I’ve not been afraid to ask for what I want and need; and both my significant others have been more than happy to make me come first when asked (yes, I trained them well). Even then, I didn’t request or expect to come every time we had sex, there were plenty of occasions where they came and I didn’t, because I can enjoy sex without having an orgasm, it’s not the be all and end all for me; and to be honest sometimes I’m not in the mood or just can’t be bothered. 

    We all know that honesty and communication are vital components in a relationship, but it’s especially important in the bedroom. If you’re harbouring resentment towards your partner for not meeting your needs or fulfilling you sexually, you need to ask yourself whether you’ve communicated this and given them the chance to put it right. So many women in long-term relationships are having unsatisfactory sex, I mean how many women are with men who don’t know how to give them pleasure? It’s no wonder women get bored of sex and see it as a chore.  

    As a woman it’s important to speak up about what you need, and remember that it’s ok to receive pleasure, it doesn’t make you selfish; we are not accessories in the bedroom or merely objects in which to come (they can get a sex doll if they want that). It’s up to us to take ownership over our bodies and ensure that we are getting the most from our sexual encounters; if men are being selfish then we need to call them out on it, if men don’t know what they are doing then we need to teach them, it’s no good bitching about it behind their backs, we need to be proactive if we want change.  

    Yes, it sucks that women have to fight for their orgasms, but then we’ve had to fight for everything else… If we’re going to fuck the patriarchy though, we might as well get as much enjoyment from it as possible. 

    To the men reading this, I hope this blog has made you think about your behaviour in the bedroom and inspired you to do better. I know you’re not all selfish lovers, but many of you are and unfortunately need reminding that sex isn’t all about you getting your end away.  

    If you don’t know what you’re doing or what your partner needs, don’t be afraid to ask. If we work together then maybe we can start to bridge the gap.  

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    For tips on how to make a woman come, check out this blog…

    Top tips on how to get a woman to orgasm (or at least this woman) 

  • Sex toys in public places – when it works and when it doesn’t…

    One of my sugar daddies, let’s call him Nigel, took me to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show, streamed live at the cinema. It was a last-minute arrangement as he wasn’t sure whether his wife would be joining him, however she decided not to, so I got the call, and cobbled together my best Magenta inspired outfit (think French tart meets gothic whore), whilst he played it safe and went as Brad.  

    He of course looked fairly respectable, dressed up smart with a bow-tie, glasses and long beige coat, whilst I on the other hand was half-naked and looked anything but…, however I didn’t care as I was unlikely to bump into anyone I knew; and anyway, surely everyone would be dressed up, right? Apparently not, for when we arrived at the cinema it seemed that hardly anyone had bothered, a few hardcore fans had made an effort, but most had not. Worse than this, it was half-term, so there were loads of families there with children… fucking fantastic!  

    Throughout the first half of the show several gin and tonics were produced from a rucksack, along with Maltesers; yes, he’s my ‘feeder’ (see my blog on getting kinky). When we got to the interval Nigel was rather excited, promising me something a bit special in the second half. Expecting something food related, I was slightly startled when 10 minutes into the second half he put his hand between my legs, and I realised that he was holding a small bullet vibrator; small but surprisingly powerful and effective. What he didn’t realise was how noisy it was, and that he’d picked a particularly quiet time to whip it out; as much as I was enjoying the sensation I had no choice but to confiscate it and hide it in my bra. Thankfully I don’t think anyone noticed, but there were kids sat in front of us…. For God’s sake Nigel….Think of the children! 

    After the Rocky Horror experience, I was a bit dubious about using toys in public places, however when another sugar daddy bought an app controlled wearable vibrator, I was only too happy to give it a go (the advantages of having a shocking memory, I’ll try anything twice).  

    Needing somewhere public to test it out, we met for a drink at a nearby pub, full of men enjoying a post-work pint and watching football. We found a little table to one side, and I slipped my hand into my panties to turn on the device. Once paired to his phone, he could adjust the intensity of two vibrating functions; one internal stimulating my g-spot and the other vibrating against my clit. He was very much enjoying watching me squirming and writhing on my seat, trying but failing to ease the sweet torment; he was being cruel, but I was loving it!  

    Unlike the bullet vibrator that Nigel used, this one was quiet enough to use in public without being detected, it was perfect.  

    I was somewhat struggling to concentrate and keep the conversation going as he sat there casually playing around with the settings, and whenever another man walked by, he’d give me a cheeky smile and turn both up to max vibes, making my body tense and my pussy pulse. It wasn’t quite enough to make me cum, which is probably just as well, but let’s just say that when we got back to his place it didn’t take long, and boy did I come!  

    The set also came with a vibrating cock ring which he wore when we got back to his; it was great fun sucking his cock whilst he was wearing it, as it felt like his whole cock was vibrating in my mouth. He didn’t keep it on for long though, as it was quite tight, and he was worried that his cock was going to fall off, which wouldn’t have been quite so fun…  

    I’ve since purchased the set for myself and sometimes use the cock ring with my regular sugar daddy (it’s not so tight on him).  

    It feels good fucking a guy whilst they’re wearing it because you can feel the vibrations on your clit (especially if you’re on top), and you can have a lot of fun edging the other person… and yourself. 

    I’ve obviously had my fair share of sex in public places too, and whilst there’s something exciting about the idea of getting caught, it doesn’t always make for the most pleasurable sex for women, who often need a little longer to come (see my blog on making women orgasm). The thought of having sex in front of other people and being watched is a huge turn on for me though (such an attention seeker), I’d be more than happy to have an audience, the more the merrier…. 

    Maybe one day when I’m rich and famous I’ll get to perform my own sex show, fingers crossed! 

    Hopefully see you there 😉 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    Related posts

    Let’s get kinky…
    Top tips on how to get a woman to orgasm (or at least this woman) 

  • Top tips on how to get a woman to orgasm (or at least this woman) 

    1. Very few women orgasm through penetrative sex alone. If your woman does, then lucky you, feel free to skip this blog. If that’s not the case (which for most of you it won’t be) then accept the fact that it’s going to take a little time and effort on your behalf. It will be worth it though, I promise.  
    1. Ask you woman whether she prefers internal (g-spot) or external (clitoral) stimulation. She may like a combination of both; but may need one in order to be able to actually orgasm.  
    1. Don’t be afraid to use plenty of lube, especially if you’re focusing on the clitoris. Even if she’s already pretty wet (which hopefully she will be), lube will enhance the experience. If you don’t have lube, then make sure to use her natural lube from her pussy or your saliva to glide your fingers over her clit.  
    1. If you’re using your fingers inside her vagina, don’t just hold them straight and push them in and out (classic schoolboy error). Also don’t think that the more fingers you can shove in there the better….  just use one or two fingers to caress the front inner wall of her vagina using a come-hither motion, and hopefully you’ll be able to find her g-spot. It’s often not as far up as men think. 
    1. Don’t be offended if she needs a toy in order to come, this is quite normal and nothing personal. If she does use toys, I’d suggest that you ask her to show you how she uses them, and maybe just watch her the first time. Even with toys, there’ll be a knack. 
    1. Keep communicating with each other. Not necessarily dirty talk, unless she’s into that, but just check in with her and don’t be afraid to ask her whether she wants it harder/faster/ softer etc. Remember all women are different, what has worked in the past with other women, may not work with this one. Being able to communicate with your partner re what you like and what feels good is really important. 
    1. Reassure her/ make it clear that you’re enjoying the act of giving her pleasure. Some women can take a long time to orgasm and may feel self-conscious about this. If they feel like you’re not enjoying it, or they start to feel guilty about how long they’re taking, then they will probably get to you to stop, or worse they’ll fake it, and all your hard work will have been for nothing. 
    1. If your woman has not come during foreplay or sex, then ask her afterwards whether there’s anything you can do for her, or whether she needs to use a toy or something to finish herself off. Just because you’ve come and got what you’ve needed, don’t assume that it’s over. Now that the pressure’s off, she may be able to have her release; alternatively, she may be absolutely fine and perfectly satisfied, but it’s always nice to ask. 
    1. If a woman tells you that she doesn’t come, or isn’t going to come, don’t take this as a challenge, this isn’t about your ego; it just puts pressure on her, which is definitely not going to help the situation. This isn’t a ‘get out of jail free’ card though, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want foreplay or to be pleasured, she’s just managing your expectations and trying to take the pressure off you both. Do your best to give her as much pleasure as you can, and accept that she’s not going to orgasm, then if she does it will be a bonus, for both of you. 
    1. Don’t necessarily expect a woman to come the first time you sleep together. For lots of women, in order to be able to come, they need to be relaxed and feel able to let go. There’s often a level of intimacy and trust that needs to be developed first. Take your time and get to know her, and don’t try to rush the process. She’ll get there when she’s ready.    

    Oh, and if your woman is a squirter like me, don’t forget your wet weather gear! 

    Emily-Rose xxx

  • Orgasms

    Don’t you agree that orgasms are just the best? I certainly love coming and making other people come, and despite having had sex with lots of people, I still think there’s something special and beautiful about sharing an orgasm with another person.  

    I used to think I was awkward when it came to orgasms, only being able to do so with the help of certain toys, however with age and experience, I’ve found that I can come without them; much to my delight and the delight of the men who’ve experienced it. I may take a while to get there, but it’s totally worth it when I do! 

    Obviously, women’s orgasms are different to men’s, we seem to be more complicated in that department. However, I consider myself to be lucky, as I experience orgasms from both clitoral and g-spot stimulation. My clitoral orgasms take longer to build, but when I come it’s a total lack of control, as the muscles in my pussy go into spasm, and I experience a total release. After coming like this, my clitoris is super sensitive and takes a while to recover, my vagina is good to go though, and I love being penetrated after having a clitoral orgasm, it makes for more pleasurable sex. 

    The other type of orgasm is more controversial and not something all women experience; I’m not sure I’d even really call it orgasming, as it feels more like ejaculating (or squirting as it’s referred to). Unlike my purely clitoral orgasms, I can squirt several times and have found that with practice I can exert some control over when I squirt (although not always).   

    A lot of my sugar daddies have never experienced squirting before, and it can take them by surprise. I mean, it took me by surprise the first time I did it; I thought I’d pissed myself… Now I know what it is, I think it’s just wonderful; the only downside being that it can be quite messy! Fine if you’re in a premier inn or hotel (sorry cleaning staff), but not so good when you’ve drenched the sheets (and mattress ahem) on your sugar daddies’ bed.  

    Thankfully most men don’t seem to mind; they know exactly what they’re doing and could stop if they wanted, but they don’t. To be honest I think they just love the fact that they’ve been able to make me come. 

    Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) I don’t come with all of my sugar daddies, only a select few. I don’t come through penetrative sex alone, so men that just want a quick fuck, miss out on that experience. I’m very good at making men think I’ve come, and making it feel like I’m coming, so men often think I’ve come several times, when in reality I’ve been a long way off even coming once. I don’t mind this though; I just finish myself off when I get home, it’s fine.  

    Men can of course have different types of orgasms too… One of my sugar daddies has what he refers to as ‘mental orgasms’, mental as in ‘in the mind’ rather than ‘crazy’. I’m not sure exactly how it works, and neither is he, but he claims that he can come without actually ejaculating. In all other ways it looks like he’s having an intense orgasm, and it feels just like one (apparently), only without the mess. The other night he had three ‘mental’ orgasms whilst I was edging him with my hands and a toy, before I climbed on top of him, and he eventually shot his load in my pussy.  

    The other way men can apparently experience an orgasm is through having their prostate stimulated. Done correctly you can seemingly make men ejaculate without even touching their penis.  

    I first came across prostate milking when I was working on a sex chatline, as one of my regulars was really into it; I’d read articles about prostate milking to him whilst he masturbated. I’ve come close to doing this with one of my sugar daddies, using a toy up his ass. He was really enjoying it but kept stopping me because he felt like he needed to wee (which he didn’t). I think if he’d just relaxed and ignored the strange sensation, he could have had a very interesting and enjoyable experience…. 

    I was rather mean to one of my sugar daddies once and put a cock ring around the base of his cock, and another around his balls. I tortured his cock (in the nicest possible way) for ages, but he was unable to ejaculate; he felt all the sensations of coming, but without actually doing so.  

    By the time I removed the cock rings, his penis was so sensitive that he couldn’t come no matter how much he wanted to. Don’t worry, whilst he went to sleep frustrated, he got his happy ending in the morning, and I believe it was worth the wait. 

    When men are paying for sex, they like to get their money’s worth, meaning that they’ll often try to come as many times as they can. This is where younger men have the advantage, and when I’m glad that most of my sugar daddies are older. Whilst some of my sugar daddies may go in for round two, most of them leave it there, two in one night leaving them more than satisfied. If I’m spending the night with them, they’ll often go again in the morning if they’re up for it, which most men seem to be… Why do men wake up feeling so horny? 

    Most men have preferences about where and how they like to come, and whilst a lot of my sugar daddies like to come inside me, some struggle with this, and need to be finished by hand, or prefer to come in my mouth; I’ve had men come on and in just about every part of my body. One of my sugar daddies, who likes to be wanked off, explodes with such force that no matter how careful I am, I always end up with come in my hair; which is definitely the most annoying place to get it.  

    Of all the options available, the mouth is certainly the least messy; although I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the taste of come, and I’ve yet to find a woman who is (not that I’ve done extensive research or anything). When a guy comes in my mouth, I swallow it down as quickly as I can, not because I’m a come thirsty whore, but because it tastes gross. If the penis is far enough down your throat, you don’t have to taste it at all, which is a bonus providing you don’t choke on it; you have to time it right though. 

    Maybe one day someone will create something to make men’s sperm taste better. I’m surprised men haven’t tried to create something already actually; surely the incentive’s there… 

    Anyway, I wish you all many happy orgasms, and if you haven’t had one for a while, maybe this is a sign to go knock one out…. 

    Emily-Rose xxx