Whenever I meet someone and tell them I’m a sugar baby, they naturally have questions; which often include…
What is a sugar baby?
Typically, a sugar baby is a woman who spends time with men (usually older men) for financial support, money, mentorship or gifts. The arrangements vary but are always ‘mutually beneficial’; and whilst some sugar babies have just one sugar daddy, others like me are greedy and have several.
Physical intimacy is often involved, but not always, sometimes it’s just company and companionship that men are after (or so I’m told anyway). I happen to be physically intimate with all the men I’m involved with, but that doesn’t always mean sex, sometimes it’s holding hands and kissing; although most of my men like to fuck me if they can (because why wouldn’t they?).
As a sugar baby I consider myself to be a sex worker, as I have sex with men for money; however it’s so much more than just spreading my legs and letting men fuck me, I’m also a friend, a confidant, a therapist and whatever else they want to pay me to be…
How did you get into this type of work?
A combination of curiosity and red wine, with a little horniness and boredom thrown in. I’d heard about sugar babies and thought it would be a good way to meet interesting people and make a bit of money. I’d been in relationships with older men and enjoyed their company, I’m also someone who enjoys or ‘needs’ a lot of sex and appreciates male attention, and not adverse to a one-night stand. So, I made a profile to see what would happen, and the rest as they say is history.
Is being a sugar baby legal?
Yes, being paid for sex is legal in the UK, running a brothel or soliciting on street corners is not. Whilst being a sex worker may not be considered the most respectable profession, or a ‘real job’ by many, it’s perfectly legal and above board.
Where do you find your sugar daddies?
I have profiles on three online sites where sugar daddies and sugar babies connect. There are lots of sites if you just look; however, whilst some are transparent about what they are, others are less so… so you have to do your homework. You soon figure out which sites work best and how to weed out the serious sugar daddies from the time wasters (of which there are many).
How much do you charge?
People like to ask this question and are often surprised by the answer. It’s maybe not as much as you think, but I’m fairly confident that what I’m charging is the going rate for what I offer and where I am (geographically speaking).
My current rates are £250 for an afternoon or evening session, and £300/£350 for overnight. I’m sure I could charge more if I were in London, or 10 years younger and a stone lighter, but I’m happy with what I charge, and like to think I’m good value for money; I certainly haven’t had any complaints…
Do you pay tax?
This is often the follow up to how much do you charge, but is normally phrased as ‘yeah, but you don’t pay tax on that, do you’, like I’m somehow above (or below) such things; which really annoys me. I’m sure lots of women doing this sort of thing don’t, but as this is my only source of income, and my only job, yeah, I declare my earnings and pay tax just like everyone else. I’m classed as self-employed, so complete a tax return and begrudgingly pay a shitload of my hard-earned money to HMRC.
As someone who may one day want to borrow money or take out a mortgage, it’s in my interest to declare my income and play by the rules; plus, I wouldn’t last two minutes in prison.
Do your family know what you do, and what do they think about it?
Yes, my immediate family know, and the reactions have been mixed. I managed not to tell them for a few years, however once I went ‘full-time’ as a sugar baby it became harder to keep it a secret. I decided that I’d rather they hate me for being a sex worker then think I was an unemployed, lazy, good-for-nothing bum (I’m vain like that).
My Mum was upset, even more so when I told her that I was writing a book about it, and said that it made her feel sick (we’re very different people). My Dad doesn’t really understand what the hell it is I do (despite me telling him), or what my book is about; as for blogging, he’s no idea what that is; which is probably just as well, as I’m sure he wouldn’t approve either. Don’t worry, I’m used to disappointing my parents, and was fully prepared for them to disown me, so the fact that they haven’t (yet) is a real bonus.
My teenage daughter is accepting of what I do, it doesn’t bother her that her Mum’s a sex worker; I guess for her it’s kind of normal now. I spare her the gory details, as no-one wants to hear about their parent’s sex life, but I’m honest with her, and open to answering any questions she may have. She loves the fact that I’m writing a book and representing an over-looked demographic; we’re all about diversity and inclusion and being who we want to be; it’s kind of our thing.
Do you worry about your safety?
Occasionally, but probably not as much as I should. I’ve never felt threatened or scared whilst working, but I’m one of those people who refuses to be ruled by fear and someone who’s prone to being reckless on occasions anyway. Maybe that makes me hedonistic and irresponsible, but oh well, no-ones perfect.
Most of the men I work with are normal, decent people, who wouldn’t hurt me (not without my consent anyway). I’m selective about who I see though, and so far, have done a pretty good job of avoiding the less desirable characters on these sites; Trust me, I say “no” far more then I say “yes”.
Have you had any bad experiences?
I’m a firm believer that experiences are what you make of them, whether they’re ‘bad’ or not depends on how you choose to frame them. I’ve had plenty of less enjoyable experiences, but none that I would consider ‘bad’. Something going wrong is a ‘learning experience’, a disastrous date is just a funny story for another day etc. When things aren’t so good, or not going so well, I’m just grateful that it gives me something to write about; you can’t have the highs without the lows.
Not all the guys I see are going to be ‘my cup of tea’, and I accept that; I spend time with men who annoy me, frustrate me, bore me etc, but ultimately, I’m choosing to work with them and could choose not to if I wanted.
How do you have sex with men you don’t fancy?
Quite easily actually. The fact that I’m being paid helps tremendously though, as it makes me feel sexy and desirable. I try to find something that I like about the other person, even just something small that I can focus on; it helps keep me present, and everyone has at least one redeeming feature or characteristic. If all else fails, I just close my eyes and think of the money or imagine I’m fucking someone else.
Ugly men are often surprisingly good in bed though…
What about romantic relationships? How does that work with your job?
The answer to that is it doesn’t, or not for me anyway; I’ve never juggled the two. Other sugar babies do it, I know of sugar babies who are married or in open relationships, but I’m not sure that’s my style. I don’t think I’d want to be in a relationship whilst having sex with other men; I certainly wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a guy who was fucking other women…
When I first started doing sugar baby work, I wasn’t interested in being in a relationship, so it wasn’t an issue. Nearly four years later, I sometimes think it would be nice to have someone special in my life, but I can’t see that happening whilst things are as they are. Sometimes we make sacrifices for our jobs (careers), I guess this is mine.
If you have any questions, just write them in the comments, and maybe I’ll do a FAQ part 2.
Emily-Rose xxx
For the full story as to how I became a sugar baby, check out this blog.
Sugar and Spice 