Sugar and Spice

Tag: Mental health

  • How I came to be a Sugar Baby

    I was rather late to the game (see what I did there) being 32 when I became a sugar baby. This is a bit old for many of the men on the site, and I knew that I’d be competing with younger, attractive women in their late teens and early 20s; nevertheless, there is a market for sugar babies in their 30s and older. A lot of sugar daddies preferring someone more mature with a bit of life experience; I guess it also looks less pervy too.  

    My first venture into the sex industry was on a sex chatline, which is when my sexy alter-ego Emily-Rose was created. I was 28 at the time, studying for a degree, trying to balance studying with work and parenthood, and struggling financially. I wanted an easy and flexible way to make money from home, and obviously the first thing you think about in that situation is phone sex, right…. No? Just me then…fine ok. 

    Working on a sex chatline is a job that’s both easy and hard, and interesting and boring at the same time; a real oxymoron of a job. It was an eye-opening experience though and I learnt a lot about the unusual sexual desires and fantasies that men keep hidden for fear of being judged (or arrested); as well as how to embrace my own sexuality and use my imagination to turn men on and get them excited.   

    At the end of the day, it’s just a game; keep the other person on the line as long as possible, to earn as much money as you can… simple. A balancing act, keeping them turned on and interested, without getting them so excited that they come, because the moment they do you’re no longer required, and they hang up; most of the time without even saying thank you, or goodbye… so rude!  

    Working on the chatline I learnt not only how to talk dirty and role-play, but also how to waffle on about random crap, as many of the guys calling just wanted someone to talk to. I’d say around 50% of the men I spoke to were using sex chatlines because they were lonely; they didn’t want phone sex, they just wanted company. For some men their conversations with me were more like therapy, I was just a random person on the end of the phone they could talk to; a safe place to say how they were feeling.  

    Whilst working on the chatline I did just about everything, including lots of things I shouldn’t have; I indulged every fantasy imaginable, and some you really wouldn’t want to imagine… Although as bizarre and niche as some of the requests are, it gets a bit repetitive after a while, and after about five months I decided I couldn’t hack it any longer. I think there’s only so long you can do this job for, and I‘d reached my limits. Hats off to the girls who do it full-time though, they’re not paid enough for what they do! It wears away at your soul, and if you’re not careful will destroy any positive feelings you have towards men; it’s very much a one-way process, you give and they take, and I’m just too selfish for that! 

    The sex chatline was a gateway drug though, I now identified as someone who’d worked in the ‘sex industry’ and had no issue doing so. I felt sexually deviant, and like nothing could shock me. I’d gone over to the dark side; my eyes had been opened, and I couldn’t unsee what I’d seen (or unheard what I’d heard I guess). 

    My next venture into the industry came a few years later when I joined OnlyFans. I’d heard about the site and was attracted by the idea of making some extra money (bit of a theme here). I’d taken a pay-cut to follow my passion and work in a secondary school supporting students with anxiety and other issues, and was worried about making ends meet.  

    I was curious about the site, so set up a page reviving my alter-ego Emily-Rose. I didn’t think anything would come of it, yet gradually over time I managed to build up subscribers and make a bit of money. Nowhere near as much as I wanted, but then I was struggling to get decent photos and couldn’t promote my page anywhere because of my job. To make it work you need to be committed, posting every day, continuously making content; it’s not as easy as you think! 

    Whilst I enjoyed the creativity, I eventually got bored (…again) and started posting less. I don’t have the body of a model, and there’s only so many ways I can photograph myself. I mean, I got some nice pictures of my pussy, but once you’ve seen it, there isn’t much more to see…. 

    Despite the negative discussions around social media and body image, I feel like OnlyFans helped boost my self-esteem; as despite all the stunning women on the site, I still received my fair share of compliments and admirers. I knew I couldn’t compete directly with the surgically enhanced models whose bodies hadn’t been through the ordeal of childbirth, so I embraced this and marketed myself as a ‘yummy mummy’ with a real body; natural and flawed, but still sexy. A lot of the men on the site appreciated the unfiltered realness that I was giving them, and I loved the comments and attention, and the buzz I got every time someone paid for a message or post; or sent me a tip.    

    I was still working as a student support worker when curiosity (and alcohol) got the better of me, and I signed up to my first sugar daddy site. I had my day job (which I loved) and would see men on the weekends and during the holidays; occasionally posting the odd photo or video onto my OnlyFans page. It worked well and everything was fine. until the school found out about my OnlyFans account, when I was forced to out myself by an ex-boyfriend. I was immediately suspended and eventually forced to resign for apparently breaking my contract, which wasn’t true (but that’s another story). Thankfully the school gave me a good reference, so I was able to get a job in another school; but it wasn’t the same. I was miserable and couldn’t get over what I’d lost, and the feeling that I’d let my students down.  

    The police had to get involved due to the threatening nature of my ex’s messages, and I wasn’t in a great place, so starting again was really the last thing I needed. A few months into my new job, my ex-boyfriend, who’d taken so much away from me, sadly took his own life; it was absolutely devastating! I was signed off work as was in no fit state to help anyone, and whilst I tried going back, every time I did, I just started crying; it was all too much. By this time, I’d built up enough business that I didn’t need a day job, so thought ‘fuck it’. I’d lost the only other job I’d really enjoyed, but to be honest, I’d had enough of working for other people for peanuts anyway, so decided to leave my job and go it alone. I initially thought it would just be for a few months, until I got myself back on my feet; yet now years later here I am, working full-time as a sugar baby and very happy to be doing so. 

    Hopefully this gives you a bit of an idea as to ‘my journey’ (blah), and how I ended up doing what I’m doing; in many ways it was just the next step on the path I’d been exploring. Yes, some shit things happened along the way, and maybe if it hadn’t been for my ex I’d still be working in schools and doing this on the side, but that obviously wasn’t meant to be. I still think about the kids I used to work with, but I don’t think I’d want to go back now, not whilst I’m having so much fun. 

    I realise that this blog took a dark turn, so apologies for that, especially if you’ve found it upsetting, or been personally affected by its contents. I thought very carefully about whether to share what happened with my ex, and whether it was respectful to do so; however, it was such a big part of my story and had such a big impact on my journey to becoming a sugar baby, that I felt I should.  

    I can’t begin to express the devastation that losing someone to suicide has, and I don’t think it’s something you ever truly get over. It’s really driven home the importance of being happy, and how fragile life can be; life’s too short to be doing something you don’t enjoy.  

    For a long time, I was very angry at my ex, and blamed him for lots of things, but I’ve been able to forgive him now; he was ill, and didn’t know what he was doing. Desperate people do desperate things, and he was clearly a very desperate man. It was my choice to do OnlyFans, and my choice to tell the school about it when he laid down the ultimatum, so I must take responsibility for my actions.    

    If you are suffering from depression, please don’t suffer in silence, please reach out and get the support you need. There is so much help out there, don’t be afraid to ask for it. 

    Emily-Rose xxx

  • Setting boundaries

    I try to set clear boundaries with my sugar daddies, as it’s important for both parties to know exactly what the arrangement is and where they stand. I say ‘try’, because it’s not something I’m particularly good at, but something I’m working on; along with numerous other things… 

    One thing I make very clear is that I’m not looking for a romantic relationship, or to fall in love; a conversation we usually have before we meet, whilst discussing what we are looking for and negotiating the money side of things. The L word is banned, a line not to be crossed by either party; I don’t want them to fall for me, and I certainly won’t be falling for them. There are a few who get carried away and need reminding; especially after a few drinks. On the odd occasion that the L word has slipped out in the heat of the moment or whispered in bed when they think I’m asleep; I pretend not to have heard (classic conflict avoidance), whilst making a mental note to create some distance and not encourage such behaviour. As for me, this is something I don’t mess up on, I’ve never dropped the L bomb with any of my sugar daddies; not because I’m heartless (although maybe I am), but because I think the L word should be special and actually mean something, not just used willy-nilly. I also don’t want to mislead any of my men or give them false hope, as that would just be cruel. I’m affectionate towards my sugar daddies, and genuinely care about the men I see, but that’s as far as it goes. 

    Being involved with older men is helpful in maintaining boundaries, as due to the age difference, they know they could never be (and probably wouldn’t want to be) in an actual relationship with me; it’s never going to be anything but a no strings sugar daddy/ sugar baby arrangement. Although one of my sugar daddies (in his seventies), says that if he were 20 years younger, he’d have married me and impregnated me several times; a scary thought indeed. 

    One boundary that’s very important is keeping my sugar daddies and my family life separate. Being a single Mum, it’s amazing how many sugar daddies want to meet my daughter or buy her presents; which I find a bit creepy! I make it clear that my daughter is not part of the deal, and I’m not going to start giving her stuff from random men she doesn’t know. As with any rule there are exceptions, and my daughter has met a few of my sugar daddies, and been given a few little things, but not often. 

    As a general rule, I try not to ‘shit on my own doorstep’, metaphorically speaking (though literally too I guess). I don’t like getting involved with men too close to home, as I don’t want to be bumping into sugar daddies when I’m not working, or dealing with angry wives or girlfriends if something goes wrong. So far that’s worked well, and I haven’t had any issues; I only have one sugar daddy who lives within a few miles of me, and I never see him when I’m out. 

    As you can probably imagine, men can become quite demanding and needy if you’re not careful, especially when there’s money involved. They can feel entitled and like they should be able to access you anytime, day or night; which isn’t practical and can feel overwhelming. They forget that they’re not the only person in your life, or the only one you’re talking to; or even the only man you have an arrangement with. If all my sugar daddies messaged me several times a day, I wouldn’t have any kind of life, I’d literally just spend all day on my phone, which would do my head in. At times I’ve had to ask sugar daddies to back off and give me some space. It’s a fine balancing act though between keeping communication open in-between meetings, keeping the spark alive, and keeping them interested; without feeling like you are being harassed and wanting to tell them all to fuck off.  

    Video calls can actually fuck off though, so don’t even bother trying; I’m not sat at home looking sexy on the off chance that someone’s going to video call me… Having said that, those who have, don’t seem to care what I look like; so maybe I overestimate the difference that makeup etc makes, or underestimate men’s ability to see beyond such things. I mean, some of my sugar daddies have seen me looking pretty rough, like crying and blowing snot bubbles rough, yet still want to bang me and pay for the pleasure; though normally after I’ve stopped crying. 

    Whilst most sugar daddies behave and follow the rules, there are always a few who push their luck. Men who have no intention of ever meeting up, who send unsolicited dick pics in the hope that I’ll send nudes in return; it’s annoying as they (dick pics) do nothing for me, and I don’t have the time or energy to be sending stuff for free. Same with videos, I’m not swapping videos, if you want to see me wanking, go to my OnlyFans page and pay like everyone else. I can’t pay my bills with dick pics; if I could… I’d be set for life. 

    I don’t mind my regulars asking for stuff, but I can’t cope with the ‘what are you wearing/doing right now’ requests, which are just tiresome! Like I have nothing better to do, then drop everything and spend ages trying to take a flattering photo of myself washing the dishes or doing the laundry, you really need to see that? For my own sanity, and because it makes me irritable, I don’t rush to send a reply but will respond in my own time, if and when convenient. 

    As with any job, there needs to be a work-life balance, though inevitably due to the nature of the work, the antisocial hours, and the fact that I’m always hustling and lining up jobs, the balance can get a bit out of whack. At times I’ve definitely over-extended myself; too many late nights and different men leaving me physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Overtime I’ve learnt to create a better balance, though inevitably I still burn the candle at both ends, because I’m an idiot; and I like having fun and making money.   

    When things become too much, which they sometimes do, I’ll put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours, or block out a few days to either rest or catch up with friends. My phone is on silent overnight anyway, so I’m not disturbed when I’m sleeping; and whilst there are often several messages waiting for me in the morning, no-one gets a reply until I’ve had my morning cuppa. 

    At the end of the day, I know that if any of my sugar daddies are being too demanding or unreasonable, I can just end the arrangement. I’ve had to do this a few times when men have become too emotionally involved or not respected my boundaries. It’s not my favourite thing to do, and I’m not very good at it; I’m far too nice, and they always want to stay in touch and be friends afterwards. It can be hard when someone has opened up to you and told you how lonely they are, but I have to be strong and remind myself that I can’t look after everyone and give all the time. Ultimately, as harsh as it sounds, if I’m no longer benefitting from a sugar daddy being in my life, then I have to let them go. 

    As a sugar baby you give a lot to other people, which doesn’t always leave a lot left for yourself. It’s true what they say though, that you need to fill your own cup before you fill other peoples. So, on that note, I’m going to sit in the sun and enjoy a nice cup of tea; and leave my phone inside.  

    Look after yourself!

    Emily-Rose xxx