Sugar and Spice

Tag: love

  • Dating with a sucky attitude: why self-love comes first.

    Martin is the most negative and pessimistic person I’ve ever met, hence why I’ve nicknamed him ‘Eeyore’; although that seems unfair on Eeyore who’s a ray of sunshine in comparison and at least cute (man, I’m a bitch). 

    Anyway, Martin is fairly successful; owning his own business buying and selling luxury cars and is quite well-known and respected in the ‘car world’. He drives a nice car (obviously), wears designer clothes, is well travelled and not unattractive for his age. He’s single and wants to be in a relationship but struggling to find anyone suitable. He can’t be happy whilst he’s single, but can’t find anyone to make him happy because he’s too depressed (about being single), it’s a real catch 22.  

    Martin was married, but left his wife because he thought the grass was greener, which he now realises it isn’t. I think he saw other men with young attractive ‘trophy wives’ and thought he could have the same; only that hasn’t quite worked out; a lesson there for all middle-aged men … 

    Martin works from home most of the time, so doesn’t get the opportunity to meet people or socialise that often, which is unfortunate, but not uncommon; it makes it difficult to find love though… 

    I’ve suggested he find a hobby, join an organisation or club and get himself out there, but he just says he isn’t interested in or good at anything. On the rare occasion he’s made an effort, he hasn’t enjoyed it or liked any of the people, plus there’ve been no attractive single women… so no point.  

    I’ve suggested he get a pet to keep him company if he’s that lonely, but he doesn’t want the hassle. I’ve suggested putting energy into platonic friendships and creating a support network, getting to know people who may be able to introduce him to someone, I’ve suggested keeping a gratitude diary to focus on what he does have rather than what he doesn’t, so he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out. 

    I’ve even suggested that he go to his doctor for help, but he thinks they’ll just prescribe antidepressants and he doesn’t want to pop pills (or be happy apparently)… Basically, no matter what I suggest, he’ll find a reason why it won’t work, and insists that he’ll be sad and lonely forever; which with an attitude like that, is likely to be the case. 

     He occasionally pays women like me for their company, but that depresses him too, and he spends the whole time moaning about how he can’t find love and saying things like ‘you’re only here because I’m paying you’, which is true but not really the point.  

    I’ve tried to explain how he needs to learn to love himself before he can love someone else, but he just says that he doesn’t know how, and that he can’t be happy and love himself until he finds someone; and we just go round in circles. He’s basically waiting for someone else to come along and magically fix everything for him, which isn’t how life works (unfortunately). 

    He’s handed over thousands of pounds to professional matchmakers, but they haven’t had any success, as no-one they suggest is good enough, and he gets frustrated and ends up being rude to them.  

    He’s had counselling too, but that didn’t work either (obviously, because nothing does) and in the end even the counsellor gave up (the will to live probably) and told him that she couldn’t help him. It seems to me that he must just like being depressed, there’s no other explanation for his behaviour; he’s just one of those people who is only content when they have something to complain about and can wallow in self-pity….that or he doesn’t know how else to get attention. 

    For someone who’s desperate to be with someone, he’s surprisingly fussy and judgemental, and will write women off without giving them a chance because they’re not attractive enough, or he doesn’t like what they’re wearing etc. He’s set the bar so high that no-one is going to be good enough, but maybe that’s the point; as long as he pushes everyone away, he can’t get hurt…he can just be miserable (which seems to be where he’s comfortable). It’s frustrating because this is a man who could have it all…. the only thing stopping him is his shitty attitude and pessimistic outlook on life.  

    Although I’m still in touch with him, I rarely see him; which is just as well as it’s mentally draining spending time with him, and enough to make anyone feel depressed. Even messaging to arrange a date is hard work, so I don’t bother.   

    He’s still trawling the sugar daddy sites looking for love, and recently messaged another sugar baby with the opening line “I don’t expect you’ll even bother to read this message but…”; hardly an inspiring introduction to entice or attract a young lady, but one that sums him up perfectly.  

    I don’t want you to think that I’m shitting on someone with mental health issues here, because I know what it’s like to have depression, it’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life. What I can’t cope with is Martin’s victim mentality and learned helplessness; it’s very difficult to help someone like that, as unless they want to change, you’re just wasting your time. 

     Expecting someone to come into your life and magically make everything better is unrealistic and grossly unfair on the other person. Other people can help, support and guide you, but at the end of the day if you want to change your life, no-one else can do that for you; as tough as it is, you’ve just got to put the work in.  

    Remember that the longest and most important relationship you’ll ever have in life is the one you have with yourself, so invest in making that one a good one. 

    Advice for Martin, and anyone else in his situation 

    1. If you want to be in a relationship, be the sort of person that people will want to be in a relationship with; work on yourself and being the best person you can. Have hobbies and interest, be fun and interesting, invest in non-romantic relationships and learn how to be happy in your own skin. Don’t expect someone else to give you there all if you have nothing to offer in return. 
    1. Don’t put your whole life on hold until you’re in a relationship, don’t not do things just because you’re single. Get yourself out there and live your life, who knows when the right person may come along or how long you’ll be waiting. It’ll probably happen when you least expect it, so in the meantime, make the most of your life and don’t waste time pining over something you don’t have. 
    1. Be realistic about what sort of person will be attracted to you. We tend to couple up with people of a similar attractiveness/ successfulness to ourselves. Don’t waste time chasing people who are way out of your league, unless you really enjoy being rejected.  
    1. Accept the looks aren’t everything, so don’t be vain; a lasting successful relationship is not based on physical attraction alone. Be open minded about what you’re looking for as love can be found in unexpected places, and from unexpected people. 
    1. Accept that it’s not someone else’s responsibility to make you happy, or in some way ‘make you whole’, no-one with their shit together is going to be attracted to someone who is deeply unhappy or unsatisfied with their life. Unless you want to be rescued by a narcissist with a ‘hero complex’, learn to live with yourself and be happy on your own. 
    1. Don’t feel under pressure to be in a relationship just because everyone else is, or that’s what society expects (tells) you to do. Some people are more than happy on their own, and there are a lot of advantages to being single; there are worse things to be, I promise. 
    1. Whatever you do, don’t come across as desperate! People can sense desperation and will either a) find it grossly unattractive or b) see it as an opportunity to take advantage of or exploit you; neither of which are great. 

    Good luck! 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    If you liked this blog, check out my blog on physical attraction

    Physical attraction

  • Sex toys in public places – when it works and when it doesn’t…

    One of my sugar daddies, let’s call him Nigel, took me to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show, streamed live at the cinema. It was a last-minute arrangement as he wasn’t sure whether his wife would be joining him, however she decided not to, so I got the call, and cobbled together my best Magenta inspired outfit (think French tart meets gothic whore), whilst he played it safe and went as Brad.  

    He of course looked fairly respectable, dressed up smart with a bow-tie, glasses and long beige coat, whilst I on the other hand was half-naked and looked anything but…, however I didn’t care as I was unlikely to bump into anyone I knew; and anyway, surely everyone would be dressed up, right? Apparently not, for when we arrived at the cinema it seemed that hardly anyone had bothered, a few hardcore fans had made an effort, but most had not. Worse than this, it was half-term, so there were loads of families there with children… fucking fantastic!  

    Throughout the first half of the show several gin and tonics were produced from a rucksack, along with Maltesers; yes, he’s my ‘feeder’ (see my blog on getting kinky). When we got to the interval Nigel was rather excited, promising me something a bit special in the second half. Expecting something food related, I was slightly startled when 10 minutes into the second half he put his hand between my legs, and I realised that he was holding a small bullet vibrator; small but surprisingly powerful and effective. What he didn’t realise was how noisy it was, and that he’d picked a particularly quiet time to whip it out; as much as I was enjoying the sensation I had no choice but to confiscate it and hide it in my bra. Thankfully I don’t think anyone noticed, but there were kids sat in front of us…. For God’s sake Nigel….Think of the children! 

    After the Rocky Horror experience, I was a bit dubious about using toys in public places, however when another sugar daddy bought an app controlled wearable vibrator, I was only too happy to give it a go (the advantages of having a shocking memory, I’ll try anything twice).  

    Needing somewhere public to test it out, we met for a drink at a nearby pub, full of men enjoying a post-work pint and watching football. We found a little table to one side, and I slipped my hand into my panties to turn on the device. Once paired to his phone, he could adjust the intensity of two vibrating functions; one internal stimulating my g-spot and the other vibrating against my clit. He was very much enjoying watching me squirming and writhing on my seat, trying but failing to ease the sweet torment; he was being cruel, but I was loving it!  

    Unlike the bullet vibrator that Nigel used, this one was quiet enough to use in public without being detected, it was perfect.  

    I was somewhat struggling to concentrate and keep the conversation going as he sat there casually playing around with the settings, and whenever another man walked by, he’d give me a cheeky smile and turn both up to max vibes, making my body tense and my pussy pulse. It wasn’t quite enough to make me cum, which is probably just as well, but let’s just say that when we got back to his place it didn’t take long, and boy did I come!  

    The set also came with a vibrating cock ring which he wore when we got back to his; it was great fun sucking his cock whilst he was wearing it, as it felt like his whole cock was vibrating in my mouth. He didn’t keep it on for long though, as it was quite tight, and he was worried that his cock was going to fall off, which wouldn’t have been quite so fun…  

    I’ve since purchased the set for myself and sometimes use the cock ring with my regular sugar daddy (it’s not so tight on him).  

    It feels good fucking a guy whilst they’re wearing it because you can feel the vibrations on your clit (especially if you’re on top), and you can have a lot of fun edging the other person… and yourself. 

    I’ve obviously had my fair share of sex in public places too, and whilst there’s something exciting about the idea of getting caught, it doesn’t always make for the most pleasurable sex for women, who often need a little longer to come (see my blog on making women orgasm). The thought of having sex in front of other people and being watched is a huge turn on for me though (such an attention seeker), I’d be more than happy to have an audience, the more the merrier…. 

    Maybe one day when I’m rich and famous I’ll get to perform my own sex show, fingers crossed! 

    Hopefully see you there 😉 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    Related posts

    Let’s get kinky…
    Top tips on how to get a woman to orgasm (or at least this woman) 

  • Birthday Blog

    Slightly different blog today, as this isn’t an extract from my (yet to be published) book, but a life update/ some fresh ramblings. In case you hadn’t guessed from the title, today is actually my birthday, today I am officially 36 years old; yay, well done me!  

    I’m not planning on doing anything productive today (other than writing this), no… today is reserved for contemplation and self-reflection; thinking about what I’ve achieved, what I’ve yet to achieve, and wondering where the hell the last 12 months have gone. I might even treat myself to a little cry and an afternoon nap, just because it’s my special day and I can. 

    They’ll be no partying or celebrating here, tonight I’ll be in my PJs by 6pm (assuming I get dressed at all), and in bed by 9pm with a book and a mug of hot chocolate; fuck it, I might even put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours. This may sound a bit tragic, but it’s my idea of heaven; and if you can’t do what you want on your birthday, then when can you…. 

    Thankfully it’s just me and my daughter here today, so no-one has to witness my birthday induced anxiety. My daughter is celebrating her anniversary with her online boyfriend, which totally trumps her Mum having survived another year; so, she’ll be spending most of her evening on her laptop in her room anyway.  

    Don’t worry, I have just come back from a few nights in Dublin with my regular sugar daddy where we celebrated in style, and on Thursday I’m heading up to Birmingham for an afternoon of shopping with another sugar daddy, so my birthday is not going unobserved. I may not feel the need to celebrate, but apparently other people do… 

    Am I where I thought I’d be at the age of 36; no, of course not. I’m single, living on a tiny boat (I moved onto a narrowboat), without any real career prospects. I’m still figuring out who I am and what I want to do with my life (all be it whilst having a great time in the process). I seriously thought I’d have my life sorted by the age of 30 though, but that didn’t happen (not even close) so 40 is my new 30. I’ve got four years to get my shit together; maybe I’m a late bloomer… let’s hope so! 

    My main goal is to publish my book, however I’m yet to find a literary agent; I’ve had two agents requesting the full manuscript though, so hopefully it’s just a matter of time. Yes, I know I could self-publish, but that costs money and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, and I’d probably fuck it up; so, I wait, hoping that someone reads my book and thinks it’s worth a shot. In the meantime, book number two is being written, as I need something to do other than check my inbox every 5 minutes. 

    Obviously, I have my sugar daddies to keep me busy and pay my bills whilst I’m waiting, for which I’m eternally grateful; and I must say that I’m absolutely smashing it in terms of work/life balance at the moment.  

    What is my 37th year on this planet going to have in store for me, fuck knows…. Ideally a six-figure publishing deal, a best-selling book, and Netflix harassing me for movie rights… I’d also quite like to fall in love, ideally with someone who owns a nice house with a big comfy bed; we’ll rescue cats and possibly have a dog. I think that’s all, surely that’s not too much to ask… 

    I’m well aware that growing old is a privilege, not that I’m particularly old, but you know what I mean. I’m also lucky that all my bits work (most of the time anyway) and I’m in relatively good shape, although I do have to watch what I eat and exercise now, which sucks; you can’t have it all though…  

    Anyway, can’t sit here writing all day, I have an existential crisis to organise. 

    I’ll be back soon, when normal service will be resumed. 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    *In case you’re interested in what I’m reading at the moment, I’m reading ‘In Pursuit of Happiness by Stacey Duguid’. It’s not a bad book, but not as good as mine; just saying… 

  • The ‘girlfriend’ experience: having a long-term arrangement.

    Jamie was the second man I met from the site and married when we met; but he and his wife were no longer physically intimate. The marriage was lacking emotional connection, conversation between the two being limited and transactional; what are we having for tea, have you put the bins out, etc; you get the idea. She was no longer interested in him sexually, or any other way for that matter; and he was feeling pretty shit.  

    Obviously, I’ve only heard his side of the story, and she might disagree, but the whys and the wherefores are almost irrelevant. The fact of the matter was that he felt disconnected and rejected, so did what people naturally do in that situation and sought connection and acceptance from elsewhere. 

    Jamie isn’t exactly ‘well endowered’ and his penis is noticeably bent (like properly bent in the middle) when he gets an erection; apparently one of the reasons, according to his wife, why their sex-life was non-existent. She didn’t think much of his penis, or what he did with it, regularly comparing him to her exes, who were all much bigger and better than him… of course. She made such an issue of it that Jamie considered undergoing surgery to straighten it, which would have resulted in losing some length, so thankfully he decided against it.  

    Jamie was self-conscious about his penis when we met, but with a little reassurance he was fine, and we consummated the ‘arrangement’ on that first night together no problem. In fact, we have a very successful sex-life, and it’s been great to see Jamie’s confidence grow during our time together. We’ve had sex in a variety of positions (several times) and his bent penis has never been an issue.  

    Don’t worry, I don’t intend to describe every penis I’ve ever fucked (I don’t have time), I only mention Jamie’s because very few men (if any) have straight penises, most seem to veer off in one direction or another, but unless you’ve got some sort of pretzel situation going on, you’ll probably find a way to make it work! Apparently, women don’t have straight vaginas anyway, so maybe they were just a bad fit, or she had a vagina like a curly wurly or something…   

    When we first got involved it was all a bit vanilla, but as the months went on and we got to know each other better, he became open to trying other things; things he’d been curious about but never had the chance to explore. He wanted me to take control and be dominant, so we got the toy box out and started experimenting with whips, handcuffs, cock-rings and vibrators. At the age of 66, Jamie tried anal for the first time and allowed me to return the favour a few months later (with a strap-on obviously).  It’s been great fun helping Jamie explore his sexuality and learn how to express himself in the bedroom; and I’m really proud of how far he’s come (insert your own joke here).   

    So, the sex works, but that’s only a small part (ha ha) of our arrangement. Jamie didn’t just want sex, he wanted someone to spend time with; an attractive female companion to inject some fun and excitement into his life… and I was the perfect person to fill his void (ahem) and provide him with the stimulating company he was craving. 

    We have lots in common, and both love the theatre and live music; I must cost him a fortune in theatre tickets, but he doesn’t mind, apparently I’m worth it (I mean obviously). We love going to London for the weekend and doing the whole West-End thing, and we’re both foodies, so enjoy eating and drinking out a lot (both in frequency and sheer volume). 

    We’re equally content at home chilling on the sofa with a cuppa and The Times crossword or watching some random shit on tv though. Our guilty pleasure is ‘married at first sight’, if you’ve never seen it, it’s alarmingly addictive. I applied for the show one night when I was drunk, unsurprisingly they didn’t get back to me, can’t imagine why…  

    We average around six nights a month together, more if we’re going away somewhere, and message or talk on the phone every day. We’ve both been through some tough times over the last few years, but we’ve supported each other through them. Jamie might be my sugar daddy, but he’s also a friend and practically part of the family at this point. It’s very much what you would call the ‘girlfriend’ experience, which is different to my other arrangements which are more casual, and less time consuming (thank God!). 

    Obviously, Jamie knows that I see other men, and that what we have is an arrangement and not a relationship; which he finds difficult at times. Things aren’t always good, and we’ve had our fair share of arguments and falling outs over the years. In the heat of the moment, we’ve both threatened to end the arrangement and walk away, however we always make up, as I think we both (for different reasons maybe) realise that what we have is too good to throw away.   

    Whilst I couldn’t cope with more than one Jamie in my life and I’m grateful that my other sugar daddies are less demanding; I also realise how incredibly lucky I am to have Jamie around and really appreciate all the amazing things we get to do together.  

    He’s already booked a get-away for our 4th anniversary, so it doesn’t look like he’s planning to trade me in anytime soon.  

    Thank you for everything you do for me Jamie. 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    A word of advice: if you want your partner to be better in bed, telling them how shit they are compared to your exes is not the way to go! Comparing people in bed and making them feel shit will not give them the confidence to up their game or try something new. If your partner isn’t giving you what you want or need, don’t be a twat about it.  Instead, be honest about what you need and what turns you on; and what you enjoy or would like to try. So many of the men I see have endured years of unsatisfactory, boring sex. Honestly guys, life’s too short to be having bad sex… unless like me, you’re being paid for it.   

    Disclaimer: If you’re into something really niche, maybe coming home with a giant cot and adult diapers after 25 years of missionary might be a bit much, so test the water with something smaller first…maybe just a packet of wet wipes or something. 

  • Discovering sex and what it means to be sexually desired; what happens when you’re too young to cope…

    I remember the first time a guy showed an interest in me. I must have been around 13 or 14; and being on the heavier side was fairly ‘well developed’. As a teenage girl, having boobs was everything, so I was making the most of my new-found ‘assets’ by wearing a push-up bra and low-cut top; how I was allowed to leave the house like that I’ll never know. Anyway, my sexualised ‘jailbait’ body had gained the attention of a young man who was very obviously checking me out; which was weird because no-one ever looked at me, until that moment I’d been somewhat invisible, yet here he was staring in my direction and clearly liking what he was seeing. I remember feeling wanted and desired; something I’d not experienced before.  

    I come from what you might call a ‘traditional’ or ‘old fashioned’ family. My Dad, being a farmer, showed an interest in my brothers who could potentially take over the farm one day; but as a girl, I was less interesting. My job was to do what I was told, play the ‘little woman’ like my mother, and not cause a scene; women looked after the home and their men, they certainly weren’t meant to have opinions, aspirations or independent thoughts, heaven forbid! 

    Emotional displays weren’t tolerated, and we all walked on eggshells for fear of upsetting my father; issues were swept under the rug and to the outside world we looked like the perfect family, but behind closed doors we were a mess. If you’ve experienced a similar upbringing then you’ll know it’s impossible to thrive in an environment like this; it’s oppressive and unhealthy, and I really struggled!  

    I don’t remember a lot about my childhood, it’s a bit of a blur, like something that happened to someone else. I know I was bullied and deeply unhappy as a child, and painfully quiet and shy, but apart from that, I’m not sure who I was before I hit puberty. I guess I was uninteresting and insignificant, or that’s certainly how I felt. However, with my sexy curvaceous body things were different, I was getting attention and was suddenly interesting (to men at least anyway); I started to think that maybe I did have something to offer after all.  

    For a girl who had been made to feel like she wasn’t good enough by the main masculine figure in her life, you can’t imagine how good it felt to be noticed and desired by men. Of course, what I really wanted was the love and affection of my father, but let’s not get all Freudian here; if I couldn’t be validated and win the approval of my dad, then at least I could be pleasing to other men. 

    I’d been brought up to believe that men were superior to women; their needs more important. Men were in charge and held all the cards, and that was just the way it was. In my teens I started to realise that this wasn’t quite the case, that not all women feared or felt intimidated by men; there were strong independent women out there who commanded respect and considered themselves equal. I felt excited and inspired by these women and very much wanted to be like them, I just didn’t know how…. So, when I discovered that I could be wanted physically by men, that I could use my body to get their attention and a place at the table (metaphorically speaking), I thought that was the answer. I’d found their weakness, and a way in….  

    Of course it was a complete disaster, I was too young and fucked up to understand how to embrace my sexuality in a healthy empowering way, which meant that in my early teens I would give myself to any man who so much as glanced in my direction; so fragile my ego and low my self-esteem at the time. I so desperately wanted to please men and feel loved, that even though I knew deep down that none of these men cared and were only after one thing; I let them use me anyway. I would inevitably feel rubbish the next day and regret what I’d done, yet would do it all again at the next opportunity. As a young teenager I simultaneously hated men (especially my father) yet craved male attention; it was a very confusing time. The high I got from messing around with men gave me a temporary break from the depression that hung over me, a fleeting false high, followed by a debilitating crushing low. I let men use me whilst hating myself for allowing them to do so. It was a vicious cycle though; the more I let men use me, the worse I felt about myself and thus the more I needed male attention to make myself feel better; because without it I felt like a failure. It’s safe to say that I was a complete mess, and not surprisingly gained a bit of a reputation for being a bit of a slut.  

    I had a lot of counselling in my teens for depression and low self-esteem but never discussed my sex life with any of my therapists. Mainly because I knew I wasn’t supposed to have one and didn’t want to get anyone into trouble; but also because I felt ashamed of my behaviour, and didn’t want anyone to know about it, especially my parents. I think they knew anyway, but as with anything of importance in our family it was never discussed. Maybe if I’d been able to talk to someone, things would have been different, and I’d have broken the cycle sooner, who knows. 

    I had more sex in my teens then I’d care to admit, and most of it was rather shit to be honest; it wasn’t until my first proper boyfriend when I was 16, that I discovered that sex could actually be a pleasant and enjoyable experience. My boyfriends were always much older than me, which contributed greatly to my positive sexual experiences in my mid-teens, as at least one of us knew what we were doing. By the time I met the father of my child, I had a much better idea of who I was sexually, and what I enjoyed. Together we tried different things, made sex fun, and my confidence in the bedroom grew. More importantly though, he taught me how to value myself, and that I wasn’t just an object to be used by men. He taught me what it meant to love and be loved, for which I am eternally grateful. 

    Thankfully we aren’t teenagers forever (thank God), and now as an independent woman in my 30s I hardly recognize the girl I was back then. That fucked up teenager seems like a lifetime ago, a completely different person. I remember hating and punishing myself for my behaviour, but it wasn’t my fault, I was only a child. If I could go back now, I’d give my younger self a big hug and tell her that she doesn’t need approval from men, that she is worthy of love and deserves better. 

    I’m happy to say that I have a better relationship with my family now, and don’t hate men anymore (took a lot of therapy, but I think we got there eventually). Having said all that, a lot of the thoughts and feelings that I internalized as a child and a teenager are still there (they never completely leave you), I just wrap it up as feminism now and internally scream ‘down with the patriarchy’ whilst riding cock (joking). Men can still enjoy my body, but it’s on my terms now and they pay for the privilege, along with everything else of course. 

    Sometimes when things are bad and I’m feeling depressed or lonely, I’ll revert back to old destructive patterns of behaviour and get drunk and fuck some random guy; but most of the time this behaviour is under control. I’m not the person I used to be; I value myself, and don’t need constant validation from men, or anyone else for that matter. I mean, I still get my tits out and use my sexuality to get what I want sometimes (old habits die hard), but I know I’m so much more than that. I’m an intelligent, ambitious and resourceful young woman who’s funny and good company; having great tits and a juicy arse is just a bonus. 

    Emily-Rose xxx

  • 10 things every Sugar Baby needs to know about being with older men…

    1) They get up to pee during the night, sometimes several times; so make sure they’re sleeping on the side of the bed nearest the loo.  

    2) You have to read the entire menu to them when you go out and they’ve forgotten their glasses. 

    3) They come with an entire drugs cabinet and a range of age-related health issues that you’ve never heard of.  

    4) It takes them forever to do up their shoelaces, they may require a 10-minute warning before leaving the house. 

    5) They will struggle with the small fiddly controls on your sex toys (seriously Lovehoney, you need to do an old people friendly range with big buttons and simple controls).  

    6) They often have dietary requirements, and a list of things they can’t eat anymore, usually due to cholesterol or high blood pressure. 

    7) They will reference things you’ve never heard of, and you’ll repeatedly have to remind them that whatever it was, it was before your time. 

    8) If you’re out in public together, people will assume he’s your dad (or grandad), then look at you with disgust when you sit on their lap. Alternatively, you may look like their carer (same response when you sit on their lap though). 

    9) They’ll try to take you to a restaurant, only to find out when you get there that it closed several years ago and is now a charity shop. 

    10) When they talk about how successful and wealthy their gorgeous children are (who just so happen to be the same age as you) you’ll look at your own life and want to cry. That one might just be a ‘me’ thing though…. 

    Emily-Rose xxx

  • Age and sex

    I know they say that age is just a number, and of course it is, but it’s a number that makes a difference. For me personally, I’ve always preferred and been attracted to older, more mature men, textbook searching for a father figure. etc..   

    Most of the men I meet are funny about their age, and the majority of men on sugar daddy sites lie about it. They’ll justify this by saying that they don’t look, feel or act their age, and that it’s just a number (in which case why lie then… hmm). One sugar daddy said he was compelled to lie because the women on these sites are unfairly ageist; whilst he himself would only see women at least 20 years his junior (oh the irony). In fact, I was only just young enough for him, he would have preferred it if I’d been in my 20s, something he mentioned several times (like it was something I could magically change). I would have preferred it if he hadn’t been such a twat, but there we go, you can’t have it all…  

    Obviously, I’m not immune to such vanities, and did think about taking a few years off, but decided against it, as I didn’t see the point. When you’ve had a child at 18, it’s difficult to lie about your age as you have to remember to adjust the age of your child, so you don’t end up accidentally implying that you had a child at the age of 12 or something. At the end of the day, I am what I am, pretending to be a couple of years younger won’t change anything. Plus, I’d rather people think I look good for 35, then bad for 29….  

    The majority of my sugar daddies are in their 60’s, though mentally still in their 20s or 30s; only the aches and pains, and alarming amount of prescription drugs they take remind them otherwise. Lying naked in bed together I’ll tell them that they’re only as old as the woman they feel, and there’s certainly something in that. Spending time with younger people definitely helps keep you young; and for lots of these men, being with me gives them a chance to relive their youth. Don’t get me wrong, there are younger men on the site, I just prefer older men; they’re more reliable and appreciative! 

    I have a few sugar daddies over 70 (my oldest being 76), who still manage to get it up (with a little help), and enjoy having sex. Turns out men are horny at all ages, no surprises there! I will say however, based on my experiences to date; that men start to go off when they hit 70 (no offence to any older men reading this). Maybe it’s a personal thing, but I’ve not enjoyed sex with men over 70 as much as sex with men in their 60s. Until 70 they’re fine, but after this point it starts to feel like hard work; the fitness level isn’t there, and the body is showing serious signs of wear and tear. Having said this, one of my best lays is 68; he knows exactly what he’s doing, and has a lovely big cock. If I’m still seeing him when he turns 70, then maybe I’ll have to revise my theory; no pressure Richard…. Maybe it comes back in their 80’s? I haven’t had sex with an octogenarian yet, so I can’t say, but it’s on my ‘to do’ list, just to say that I’ve done it (or done them more like).  

    If you think my ageist theory sounds harsh, bear in mind that men write women off at a much younger age… I was reading an article the other day which suggested that women like men around their own age or slightly older, whereas men like women in their 20s, regardless of their own age. Most men in their 60s are intelligent enough to realize that attractive 20 something year olds are unlikely to be interested in them, however not all (we’ve all seen creepy old men hitting on young women in clubs and bars…. they’re not interested mate…. fuck off). Only wealthy successful older men are attractive to younger women, it’s amazing how attractive money and success can make you. Never mind the size of your ego men, it’s the size of your wallet that really counts.  

    In general, I think that men in their 60s make excellent lovers and are much more attentive than their younger counterparts; maybe because it takes them longer to become aroused, or because they don’t want it to be over too quickly, I’m not sure. Whichever way, I like the fact that they take their time, and really appreciate my body; giving me pleasure with their fingers or their tongue before entering with their cock and getting what they want. I need this attention if I’m to come, and they are greatly rewarded for the time they spend ‘down there’. Most of my best orgasms and sexual experiences have been with older men.  

    On the negative side, it’s impossible to have sex with older men without occasionally thinking about what would happen if one of them had a heart attack or even worse died on me. Some of my men are carrying quite a bit of weight, so for a start I’d be seriously crushed, both physically and emotionally. Their death could make for some very awkward conversations with the emergency services, hotel staff etc, and difficult questions from their families. If it happened to me, I don’t think I’d be able to have sex ever again, I’d be traumatised. I’m first aid trained though, which is something; I could at least attempt CPR. Maybe I should add that fact to my profile, with my target demographic it could be a real selling point…  

    I must admit that I’m scared of getting old! I’ve seen the way men treat older women, how invisible women become once no longer considered young and attractive. I’ve studied evolutionary psychology, so know it’s not necessarily their fault, it’s just human nature. If our primary motivation (all be it a subconscious one) is to reproduce and pass on our genes, then it makes no sense for men to be interested in and therefore ‘waste time’ on post-menopausal women. Men look for youth and attractiveness (signs of fertility) in the same way that women seek out men with power and resources (so we’re not left in the shit when they get us up the duff); it’s hard to fight against thousands of years of evolution. Most of the men I see in their 60s say that they just don’t fancy women their own age, which is really sad! Men could do well to remember that older women have a lot to offer, not everything evolves around physical attraction. 

    Whichever way, what goes around comes around, and one day I’ll be old and infertile, and invisible to men. Until that point, I intend to milk my youth (nearly said body, but that sounded wrong) for all it’s worth. I don’t want to waste what precious time I have left. I will need an exit strategy obviously, but that’s a future me problem; like the men I fuck, maybe I’m also in denial about how old I really am.  

    Emily-Rose xxx

  • Setting boundaries

    I try to set clear boundaries with my sugar daddies, as it’s important for both parties to know exactly what the arrangement is and where they stand. I say ‘try’, because it’s not something I’m particularly good at, but something I’m working on; along with numerous other things… 

    One thing I make very clear is that I’m not looking for a romantic relationship, or to fall in love; a conversation we usually have before we meet, whilst discussing what we are looking for and negotiating the money side of things. The L word is banned, a line not to be crossed by either party; I don’t want them to fall for me, and I certainly won’t be falling for them. There are a few who get carried away and need reminding; especially after a few drinks. On the odd occasion that the L word has slipped out in the heat of the moment or whispered in bed when they think I’m asleep; I pretend not to have heard (classic conflict avoidance), whilst making a mental note to create some distance and not encourage such behaviour. As for me, this is something I don’t mess up on, I’ve never dropped the L bomb with any of my sugar daddies; not because I’m heartless (although maybe I am), but because I think the L word should be special and actually mean something, not just used willy-nilly. I also don’t want to mislead any of my men or give them false hope, as that would just be cruel. I’m affectionate towards my sugar daddies, and genuinely care about the men I see, but that’s as far as it goes. 

    Being involved with older men is helpful in maintaining boundaries, as due to the age difference, they know they could never be (and probably wouldn’t want to be) in an actual relationship with me; it’s never going to be anything but a no strings sugar daddy/ sugar baby arrangement. Although one of my sugar daddies (in his seventies), says that if he were 20 years younger, he’d have married me and impregnated me several times; a scary thought indeed. 

    One boundary that’s very important is keeping my sugar daddies and my family life separate. Being a single Mum, it’s amazing how many sugar daddies want to meet my daughter or buy her presents; which I find a bit creepy! I make it clear that my daughter is not part of the deal, and I’m not going to start giving her stuff from random men she doesn’t know. As with any rule there are exceptions, and my daughter has met a few of my sugar daddies, and been given a few little things, but not often. 

    As a general rule, I try not to ‘shit on my own doorstep’, metaphorically speaking (though literally too I guess). I don’t like getting involved with men too close to home, as I don’t want to be bumping into sugar daddies when I’m not working, or dealing with angry wives or girlfriends if something goes wrong. So far that’s worked well, and I haven’t had any issues; I only have one sugar daddy who lives within a few miles of me, and I never see him when I’m out. 

    As you can probably imagine, men can become quite demanding and needy if you’re not careful, especially when there’s money involved. They can feel entitled and like they should be able to access you anytime, day or night; which isn’t practical and can feel overwhelming. They forget that they’re not the only person in your life, or the only one you’re talking to; or even the only man you have an arrangement with. If all my sugar daddies messaged me several times a day, I wouldn’t have any kind of life, I’d literally just spend all day on my phone, which would do my head in. At times I’ve had to ask sugar daddies to back off and give me some space. It’s a fine balancing act though between keeping communication open in-between meetings, keeping the spark alive, and keeping them interested; without feeling like you are being harassed and wanting to tell them all to fuck off.  

    Video calls can actually fuck off though, so don’t even bother trying; I’m not sat at home looking sexy on the off chance that someone’s going to video call me… Having said that, those who have, don’t seem to care what I look like; so maybe I overestimate the difference that makeup etc makes, or underestimate men’s ability to see beyond such things. I mean, some of my sugar daddies have seen me looking pretty rough, like crying and blowing snot bubbles rough, yet still want to bang me and pay for the pleasure; though normally after I’ve stopped crying. 

    Whilst most sugar daddies behave and follow the rules, there are always a few who push their luck. Men who have no intention of ever meeting up, who send unsolicited dick pics in the hope that I’ll send nudes in return; it’s annoying as they (dick pics) do nothing for me, and I don’t have the time or energy to be sending stuff for free. Same with videos, I’m not swapping videos, if you want to see me wanking, go to my OnlyFans page and pay like everyone else. I can’t pay my bills with dick pics; if I could… I’d be set for life. 

    I don’t mind my regulars asking for stuff, but I can’t cope with the ‘what are you wearing/doing right now’ requests, which are just tiresome! Like I have nothing better to do, then drop everything and spend ages trying to take a flattering photo of myself washing the dishes or doing the laundry, you really need to see that? For my own sanity, and because it makes me irritable, I don’t rush to send a reply but will respond in my own time, if and when convenient. 

    As with any job, there needs to be a work-life balance, though inevitably due to the nature of the work, the antisocial hours, and the fact that I’m always hustling and lining up jobs, the balance can get a bit out of whack. At times I’ve definitely over-extended myself; too many late nights and different men leaving me physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Overtime I’ve learnt to create a better balance, though inevitably I still burn the candle at both ends, because I’m an idiot; and I like having fun and making money.   

    When things become too much, which they sometimes do, I’ll put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours, or block out a few days to either rest or catch up with friends. My phone is on silent overnight anyway, so I’m not disturbed when I’m sleeping; and whilst there are often several messages waiting for me in the morning, no-one gets a reply until I’ve had my morning cuppa. 

    At the end of the day, I know that if any of my sugar daddies are being too demanding or unreasonable, I can just end the arrangement. I’ve had to do this a few times when men have become too emotionally involved or not respected my boundaries. It’s not my favourite thing to do, and I’m not very good at it; I’m far too nice, and they always want to stay in touch and be friends afterwards. It can be hard when someone has opened up to you and told you how lonely they are, but I have to be strong and remind myself that I can’t look after everyone and give all the time. Ultimately, as harsh as it sounds, if I’m no longer benefitting from a sugar daddy being in my life, then I have to let them go. 

    As a sugar baby you give a lot to other people, which doesn’t always leave a lot left for yourself. It’s true what they say though, that you need to fill your own cup before you fill other peoples. So, on that note, I’m going to sit in the sun and enjoy a nice cup of tea; and leave my phone inside.  

    Look after yourself!

    Emily-Rose xxx

  • Physical attraction

    One of my sugar daddies looks like Sir David Attenborough, from a certain (and very specific) angle. I didn’t notice this until I was sat on his face the other day, and I looked down and saw Sir David looking up from between my thighs (yes, that’s the angle). For some reason this amused me greatly, however I didn’t say anything at the time, as I didn’t want to distract him. Unfortunately, whilst he looks like Sir David, he doesn’t have his sexy voice, or his fame and fortune; but then you can’t have it all.  

    Am I always physically attracted to my sugar daddies; no of course not. For me personally, attractiveness has never been the most important thing though; after all, how do we even define attractiveness… I know there’s lots of science around symmetrical facial features and other physical traits that indicate genetic fitness etc, but at the end of the day, what you find attractive is subjective, and varies so much from person to person, it’s impossible to define.

    My own theory on attractiveness is that when you first lay eyes on someone, you immediately know how attractive you find them; however, this changes over time as you get to know them better and learn more about their personality.

    The plainest looking person can transform into a vision of beauty, whilst a conventionally attractive person can lose all their charm and start to look quite ugly if they’re not a nice person. Personality (for me anyway) has a huge impact on how attractive someone is, so don’t worry if you’re not considered ‘conventionally attractive’, it’s not the be all and end all. Thankfully, most of the sugar daddies I’ve been involved with have become more attractive over time. Testament to their personalities maybe, or because I’m actively looking for things to find attractive about them in order to make my job easier, who knows; they do say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder…  

    Talking of eyes, it’s true that they are the window to the soul, and I have a real thing for soulful eyes. Lots of my older sugar daddies have that twinkle that men of a certain age seem to acquire, that little glimmer that lets you know they’ve still got it. I love the laughter lines and wrinkles, and the way they crease when they smile; each line telling a story of joy, sorrow, happiness and heartbreak. One of my sugar daddies has the most amazing ice blue eyes, I could get lost in them for hours. 

    Smell is also important when it comes to attraction, and you can’t beat a man who smells nice. I know there’s research into how our natural body odours and pheromones attract those with complimentary immune systems, to create healthy young etc (good old evolution), but don’t rely on your sweaty armpits to do all the work. Invest in some high-quality aftershave or cologne; you can thank me later.   

    In my humble opinion, the most attractive quality a man can have (after a thick wallet and girthy cock obviously) is confidence. I think in general, women are attracted to confident men as it makes them feel safe and secure. I don’t necessarily mean the loud, extroverted confidence (I’m not talking about arrogance here), but the quiet, calm, inner confidence and assertiveness that lots of attractive and successful men possess.

    Some men think they need to be attractive in order to be confident, however I think it can work the other way round. If you act confidently (even if you’re faking it) you will come across as more attractive and desirable, which will make you feel more confident, and thus look more attractive etc, it’s win/win.

    Being funny is obviously another highly attractive quality, and it’s quite true that a man can laugh a woman into bed (or certainly this woman anyway), however being funny is slightly harder to fake, so maybe give that one a miss if that’s not who you are. There’s nothing worse than a man trying to be funny to impress a woman and totally missing the mark; it just looks a bit desperate.

    Having a sexy accent is another winner; again, not really something you can fake, but great if you’ve got one. I’ve just started talking to a sugar daddy in Ireland who likes to send me voice notes. His voice is so sexy, that just hearing him talk makes my panties wet, I don’t even care what he looks like, that’s why eyelids were invented; I’ll take his Irish cream any day. 

    As a sugar baby I like to be inclusive and don’t normally rule out men based on the way they look, unless I think they’re so unattractive that I couldn’t possibly go there (the bar is fairly low though). Obviously, I have a ‘type’, and there are physical traits that I find particularly attractive, but it’s been interesting getting involved with and having sex with men who I wouldn’t normally look twice at, as sometimes they can really surprise you; it definitely pays not to judge a book by its cover.

    I actually find that less attractive men are often better in bed; I’m not sure whether it’s because they can’t rely on their looks, or because they feel like they have something to prove or make up for, but either way, they’re often more skilled and less selfish than their more attractive counterparts. I’m sure the same could be said for women… 

    Luckily, I’ve always had a bit of a thing for older men, which certainly helps in this line of work, as there are lots of older men looking for sugar babies, and they are normally the ones with free time and disposable income. I know that most of my friends couldn’t imagine having sex with the men that I sleep with, not for any amount of money; but for me it’s easy. Worst case scenario, you just close your eyes and imagine you’re with someone else; or alternatively, think of the money if that turns you on (which for me it does). Although I try to stay present when I’m with my sugar daddies, I’ve been guilty of doing this a few times, especially when they go down on me, although that’s normally because they don’t know what they’re doing and I get bored… 

    As for me, well the men I’m involved with must think I’m attractive, otherwise they wouldn’t be seeing me; as let’s face it, it’s not like there’s a shortage of attractive women out there to choose from. I believe that a lot of my attractiveness comes from my personality, the way I talk, and the way I carry myself; I have confidence in myself as a sexually desirable woman, and I think that comes across. I’m aware that my personality does a lot of the heavy lifting though; in the competitive world of being a sugar baby, I’m not attractive enough to be dull and boring, that’s for sure. I’m attractive enough though, and that’s all that matters really. 

    Till next time, stay beautiful!

    Emily-Rose xxx

  • The perks of being a Sugar Baby

    There are so many great things about being a sugar baby, I don’t really know where to start; sometimes I have to pinch myself, just to check I’m not dreaming. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always easy and enjoyable, because no job is, but having done other things, I can safely say that given the choice between being stuck in an office for 8 hours a day, or sat in the sun drinking cocktails with a random guy, I know which one I’d rather be doing…  

    Having always been a bit tight for cash and not having had the luxury of disposable income to spend on the finer things in life, I really appreciate everything that I get to experience with my sugar daddies. I’ve stayed in beautiful hotels in stunning locations, and enjoyed delicious meals in expensive restaurants, I’ve tried lobster for the first time (totally over-rated), and have developed a taste for oysters and champagne; I’m like a real grown up now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still partial to a pot noodle at home, but I’m a real foodie when I’m out. 

    Lots of my sugar daddies like to treat me to nice things and buy me gifts; from clothes, underwear and jewellery, to more practical things for the house. Christmas and birthdays are great, it’s like being a child again, I love it; one of my sugar daddies even organised an Easter Egg hunt for me one year….  how cute is that!  

    Quite a few of my sugar daddies have my address, so will buy things online to be delivered to my house, which is always exciting, who doesn’t like getting parcels in the post, certainly beats bills. I usually know if someone has bought me something, however that’s not always the case, because sometimes they like to surprise me. My neighbour also got a surprise the other day when one of my sugar daddies bought me a gift, and accidentally sent it to the wrong address. I was very surprised to receive two parcels, one from my neighbour and a second from my postie; even more when I opened them to find two identical sex toys; that was a close one… 

    When visiting sugar daddies, I often get sent home with random things; sometimes evidence that needs taking away, a half-finished bottle of wine, an extra dessert etc, or courgettes from the allotment that need eating up, or a jar of homemade jam. One of my sugar daddies used to send me home with a bag full of random little things he’d picked up throughout the week, along with an envelope of something I really liked (£££). It was actually really sweet, and I always looked forward to seeing what delights would be in my little party bag. It reminded me of visiting my Nan, she could never send anyone home empty handed, I think it must be an old person thing. 

    One of my favourite gifts is a little baby pink cue chalk; which sounds silly I know… The actual gift was a beautiful pool cue, but when we headed down to my local to christen it (Cubert in case you’re wondering), he handed me the chalk which he’d spotted on the pool table of his local pub. He thought of me and knew I’d love it, so much so that he nicked it for me. This is a guy in his 60s who’s never so much as parked on a double yellow line, resorting to an act of petty crime to make me happy… and they say romance is dead… 

    Gifts are all very nice, but experiences mean much more to me then material possessions, and I’ve been lucky enough to have had some pretty amazing experiences with my sugar daddies. Loving live music and live performances, being taken to the theatre is by far the biggest perk. I’ve been to my first ever music festival (all be it a small one in Cornwall), and seen everything from classical piano recitals to stand-up comedy; as well as a variety of plays and musicals. My calendar is full of things to look forward to, not just theatre trips, but live rugby (another guilty pleasure of mine) and cultural city breaks. Whenever I feel down or things feel tough (as they do for us all from time to time), I just look at my calendar and the next thing I have to look forward to, and think about how lucky I am to be able to experience these things. 

    It’s not just the money, gifts and experiences though, as between them my sugar daddies have a wealth of knowledge, expertise and life experiences. I have a great relationship with a number of my men, and can talk to them about just about anything. As the saying goes, it’s not always what you know, it’s who you know, and I’m lucky enough to know some interesting and potentially useful people. If I have an issue, I will often go to one of my sugar daddies for advice or support. With age comes experience, and many of the men I see have overcome great challenges and adversity to get to where they are now; not all of them have had it easy.  

    It’s not just me who benefits from the generosity of my sugar daddies, as my daughter, without being overly aware of it, benefits greatly too. With the money I earn from my sugar daddies I can afford to do things with my daughter that I wouldn’t be able to do otherwise. Little things like being able to buy her new clothes without worrying about the cost, going out for something to eat or ordering take-away without feeling guilty. I’ve also taken her to the theatre several times now, which she absolutely loves (just like her Mum). Having money makes such a difference as a parent, and I can now give my daughter things (and experiences) that I could not give her before. Whilst I keep my two lives separate, my sugar daddies know how much my daughter means to me, and would help us/her out if needed. Obviously, there’s a pay off, and I do sacrifice spending time with her to be with my sugar daddies, but that’s something all working parents have to do (balance work and family); and one of the many guilts that you experience as a parent. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter and I are equally happy sat on the beach with a picnic, or exploring the woods and creating our own adventures, there’s more to life than money, but it definitely helps, and means that we can enjoy life to the fullest.   

    Obviously, it’s not all sunshine and roses, but overall being a sugar baby is pretty awesome! I’m so grateful for everything that my sugar daddies have done for me, and totally appreciate how lucky I am; thanks guys!

    Emily-Rose xxx