Sugar and Spice

Tag: Jealousy

  • Tony – The perfectionist who wanted it all

    So, Tony was perfect on paper… late 50s, single, looked after himself, lived in a big house, had a nice car, and loved to cook; what more could you ask for. He was generous, and looking for a regular fortnightly arrangement, promising to pay well, and treat me like a lady. As I said, sounded perfect; but like anything that sounds too good to be true, it probably is… and this was.   

    Looking back, the warning signs were there from the start, when during our first meeting (a quick coffee) he was over the top and heavy handed with the compliments. It was creepy, but I put it down to nerves; it can be rather daunting meeting a sugar baby for the first time.  

    It wasn’t this though, as when I visited his house a few days later, he ushered me in, sat me on a chair and stared at me like I was a sculpture or piece of art; I wasn’t allowed to say anything, just sit there whilst he ‘admired’ me. I didn’t like it, in fact it made me feel quite uncomfortable; but I like to please, so sat there quietly cringing whilst he gushed over me!  

    Throughout the evening, he continued to tell me how beautiful I was, and how he was going to adore me, treat me like a princess, and give me the finest of everything; it was all too much. He was trying too hard, and it didn’t feel genuine; plus, it was triggering my imposter syndrome big time.  

    I hate being treated like an object anyway; I’m not that pretty and I’m definitely not the sort of girl who needs (or wants) to be put on a pedestal or treated like a princess. However it made him happy, so I sucked it up and let him get on with it; after all, I was being paid to be there so couldn’t really complain…  

    As I got to know Tony better, I began to realise how incredibly vain he was, and how for him appearances were everything; it wasn’t just his appearance that mattered now though, it was mine too. He wore expensive clothes, worked hard on his body (which I didn’t find attractive), and was particular about what he ate and drank; only the best was good enough for him. Now that I was his sugar baby, he wanted me to live by the same standards, to wear nice clothes (which he’d buy); and to eat well, drink less alcohol and work out every day to be in peak physical condition. I think he saw me as a ‘project’, he saw potential and thought he could transform me into his ‘perfect woman’.  

    Tony was obsessed with going to the gym and working out, which is fine if that’s your thing (good for you), but I’m not really a gym kind of girl; gin yes, gym… not so much. Tony wanted me to be like him and couldn’t understand my resistance, despite me explaining that I didn’t have the time, money or inclination to go to the gym. He was determined to help me get into shape though, so designed a workout plan that I could do at home. I said I’d give it a go, hoping that would shut him up and get him off my back, but it didn’t.  

    Despite his constant nagging, I wasn’t motivated or disciplined enough to work out every day and was honest with him about it. He was disappointed, and unable to accept that I was comfortable and happy the way I was. Yes, I’m lazy and a bit overweight, and I enjoy eating and drinking too much, but we can’t all be athletes, some of us need to eat Dominoes and binge-watch shit on Netflix…     

    I was starting to feel suffocated by his dominance, constant need for physical closeness, and obsession with perfection. He was also beginning to make it clear that he didn’t like what I was doing and wanted me to stop working as a sugar baby. I think maybe he thought he was saving me, but in reality, he just wanted control; he was jealous and didn’t want to share me with anyone else.  

    In the end it got to the point where I didn’t look forward to spending time with him, so decided I had no choice but to end our arrangement; we’d lasted less than 3 months together. 

    Despite ending it in the nicest way possible (it’s not you it’s me etc), he didn’t take it well, and I had several unpleasant messages from him, many commenting on how I was destroying my life and any prospects of a normal relationship in the future. He also thought it would be fun to threaten to tell my place of work about my sugar baby activities, a thinly vailed attempt at blackmail, which I really didn’t appreciate.  

    It amuses me how guys who pay for the services I offer as a sugar baby then feel compelled to comment on how ‘disgusting’ or ‘disrespectful’ my work is, and why I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. I’ve come to realise that this says more about them then me though, and the shame they feel about paying someone to spend time and have sex with them. They feel dirty, embarrassed or ashamed by their behaviour, and alleviate those feelings by projecting them onto me and making me the issue.  

    Of course, I don’t think my job is in any way disgusting or shameful, I enjoy and am very proud of what I do. I genuinely believe that I provide a valuable and much needed service, which lots of men (including him) find useful.  

    He tried reaching out a few months after it ended, wanting to reconnect and try again. He’d been seeing other sugar babies, but they didn’t have what I had…  

    I’m not sure why he’s continued to engage in a lifestyle that he finds so disgusting and ruinous for the young women involved, but that’s something he has to justify to himself. I just hope he’s not taking out his frustrations on the women he’s seeing.  

    I was very polite and told him that I’d moved on and wasn’t interested, I wasn’t prepared to open myself up to that kind of judgement and control again. I’m not going to allow anyone to make me feel shit about myself for who I am and what I do. I’ve worked too hard on my confidence and self-esteem to let someone who hasn’t got their shit together yet bring me down; I don’t need anyone projecting their insecurities or self-loathing onto me in order to make themselves feel better.  

    This was pretty early on in my career when I was inexperienced and naive, and less selective about who I worked with. If I met a sugar daddy like this now, I’d send him packing; I don’t have time for men who try to make me feel ashamed of what I’m doing. 

    As to whether my job will destroy my chances of finding a relationship in the future, that is yet to be seen. However, I’ve met a few guys recently who don’t seem to have an issue with what I do….so who knows. 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

  • Jealous and possessive sugar daddies

    If you’ve ever experienced jealousy or felt possessive over someone then you’ll understand what an all-consuming experience it can be; I should know, I’ve been there.  

    Of course, jealousy and possessiveness are often symptoms of insecurity and low self-esteem. For me certainly, my past issues around jealousy and possessiveness stemmed from not feeling good enough and a fear of being abandoned, which I’ve been working on… ‘you can’t love someone else until you love yourself’, etc.  

    Sugar daddies feeling jealous towards other men or becoming possessive over me is something I’ve had to deal with as a sugar baby, which I guess is to be expected. I mean, it can’t be easy seeing someone who’s involved with and having sex with other people; it’s bound to have a negative impact on some of the men I’m seeing. 

    Some sugar daddies can be quite possessive when we’re together in public, especially if I’m attracting attention from other men. Unfortunately though, when I’m all glammed up, other men will hit on me, especially if they don’t realise what the situation is and think they have a chance. That or they realise exactly what’s going on and think I’m open to negotiation… yes, I’ve had men offer me money to abandon a sugar daddy mid-date to be with them… obviously I’ve said no. 

    One of my sugar daddies (who was a bit of a knob) got around this by physically escorting me to and from the toilet every time I needed a pee. Apparently, he was protecting me (like I need protecting…) from unwanted comments, but in reality just wanted to show everyone in the pub that I was with him, a subtle (or not so subtle) ‘back off’ to other men. I guess I should’ve counted myself lucky he didn’t get his cock out and piss on me like a dog… 

    Talking of marking territory; another sugar daddy told me he’d like to inflict so much pain onto me as to mark me, like branding a steer with a hot iron, so that I (and everyone else) would know that I belonged to him.  

    Obviously, he’d never be in a position to do anything like that, nor would anyone else for that matter. I may occasionally wear a collar, but I’m not going to be branded like an animal.  

    I’ve had to end things with several sugar daddies who’ve become jealous or possessive to the extent that it’s had a detrimental impact on me or our arrangement. I’m not a possession to be owned, nor do I want to be. I have my limits and tolerate a lot, but if their behaviour becomes an issue then I have no choice but to end things, not just for my sake but for theirs. I have a duty of care over the men I’m involved with and can’t justify seeing someone if our arrangement is having a negative effect on their mental health or wellbeing; they may not want it to end, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. 

    Sugar daddies who don’t like sharing often prefer an exclusive arrangement, forbidding their sugar babies from dating or sleeping with other men. For some men it’s a deal breaker, and I’ve forfeited my fair share of business because I’ve been unable (or unwilling I suppose) to offer exclusivity. Although having said that, I’m sure lots of sugar babies are ‘exclusive’ with several men, but I’m too honest for that.  

    I’m not against having an exclusive arrangement per se, in many ways it’s very sensible, it just doesn’t make sense financially; I’ve yet to find one sugar daddy who can offer me enough to convince me to give up my other men. Although knowing me, I’d probably get bored and fuck someone else anyway; no point making promises I can’t keep. 

    Hypocritically, many of the sugar daddies who dislike the fact I see other men, have no issue fucking as many other women as they like. Unfortunately, there still seem to be double standards regarding the sexual behaviour of men and women; it being somewhat socially acceptable (even expected) for men to put it about, but somehow shameful or unfeminine for women to do the same.  

    I blame evolution for this, the idea that men being driven to pass on their genes needed to fuck as many women as possible, whilst making sure that women weren’t screwing other men behind their back. Unfortunately, there wasn’t such a thing as paternity tests back then and men couldn’t afford to waste energy and resources bringing up kids that weren’t theirs, hence why they became possessive over ‘their women’ and fought off other men who got too close (i.e. became possessive slut shaming arseholes).  

    In the animal kingdom they like to keep it simple; males fighting over mating rights, with only the strongest (i.e. the one with the best genes) getting to reproduce with multiple females, whilst the defeated males just sit in the corner cry wanking (I guess). Kind of makes sense… and everyone knows where they stand.  

    I’m glad we don’t go in for all that though… I mean, we wouldn’t get men to fight it out in some hunger games style situation, we’re too civilised for that. It would be some sort of democratic voting system; the cuntservices party versus the ‘let’s get you in labour’ party (sorry, sometimes this stuff just writes itself).  

    Whilst I wouldn’t kick Keir Starmer out of bed, I don’t think the world needs any more mini Boris Johnsons running around; as for the Americans, they’d be well and truly fucked… 

    Whilst evolutionarily speaking, jealousy and possessiveness over women may have been beneficial in the past, it has no place in our modern society. Men do not own women, nor do they need to protect them from the advances of other men; we’re more than capable of saying no (or yes if we want). Women should have the right to sleep around and play the field in the same way men do; no woman needs slut shaming into being a ‘one-man’ woman, especially by men who’d fuck anything with a pulse.    

    I’m happy to say that I don’t get jealous or feel possessive over any of my sugar daddies. I fully accept that they have wives and families, lives of their own, and are free to pursue other people.  

    I do get annoyed when other sugar babies come sniffing around my sugar daddies, especially if they’re easy to please and pay well, but that’s only because they’re in short supply and it’s a competitive market!  

    I still occasionally feel jealous; those feelings haven’t totally gone away but are triggered by different things now; such as women who look good without trying, families who are close, and loved up happy couples. I’m only human, and in moments of weakness and loneliness these things get to me; and I have to remind myself of how lucky I am, how much I have achieved and how much I have to be grateful for.  

    Emily-Rose xxx