Sugar and Spice

Tag: Feminism

  • Jealous and possessive sugar daddies

    If you’ve ever experienced jealousy or felt possessive over someone then you’ll understand what an all-consuming experience it can be; I should know, I’ve been there.  

    Of course, jealousy and possessiveness are often symptoms of insecurity and low self-esteem. For me certainly, my past issues around jealousy and possessiveness stemmed from not feeling good enough and a fear of being abandoned, which I’ve been working on… ‘you can’t love someone else until you love yourself’, etc.  

    Sugar daddies feeling jealous towards other men or becoming possessive over me is something I’ve had to deal with as a sugar baby, which I guess is to be expected. I mean, it can’t be easy seeing someone who’s involved with and having sex with other people; it’s bound to have a negative impact on some of the men I’m seeing. 

    Some sugar daddies can be quite possessive when we’re together in public, especially if I’m attracting attention from other men. Unfortunately though, when I’m all glammed up, other men will hit on me, especially if they don’t realise what the situation is and think they have a chance. That or they realise exactly what’s going on and think I’m open to negotiation… yes, I’ve had men offer me money to abandon a sugar daddy mid-date to be with them… obviously I’ve said no. 

    One of my sugar daddies (who was a bit of a knob) got around this by physically escorting me to and from the toilet every time I needed a pee. Apparently, he was protecting me (like I need protecting…) from unwanted comments, but in reality just wanted to show everyone in the pub that I was with him, a subtle (or not so subtle) ‘back off’ to other men. I guess I should’ve counted myself lucky he didn’t get his cock out and piss on me like a dog… 

    Talking of marking territory; another sugar daddy told me he’d like to inflict so much pain onto me as to mark me, like branding a steer with a hot iron, so that I (and everyone else) would know that I belonged to him.  

    Obviously, he’d never be in a position to do anything like that, nor would anyone else for that matter. I may occasionally wear a collar, but I’m not going to be branded like an animal.  

    I’ve had to end things with several sugar daddies who’ve become jealous or possessive to the extent that it’s had a detrimental impact on me or our arrangement. I’m not a possession to be owned, nor do I want to be. I have my limits and tolerate a lot, but if their behaviour becomes an issue then I have no choice but to end things, not just for my sake but for theirs. I have a duty of care over the men I’m involved with and can’t justify seeing someone if our arrangement is having a negative effect on their mental health or wellbeing; they may not want it to end, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. 

    Sugar daddies who don’t like sharing often prefer an exclusive arrangement, forbidding their sugar babies from dating or sleeping with other men. For some men it’s a deal breaker, and I’ve forfeited my fair share of business because I’ve been unable (or unwilling I suppose) to offer exclusivity. Although having said that, I’m sure lots of sugar babies are ‘exclusive’ with several men, but I’m too honest for that.  

    I’m not against having an exclusive arrangement per se, in many ways it’s very sensible, it just doesn’t make sense financially; I’ve yet to find one sugar daddy who can offer me enough to convince me to give up my other men. Although knowing me, I’d probably get bored and fuck someone else anyway; no point making promises I can’t keep. 

    Hypocritically, many of the sugar daddies who dislike the fact I see other men, have no issue fucking as many other women as they like. Unfortunately, there still seem to be double standards regarding the sexual behaviour of men and women; it being somewhat socially acceptable (even expected) for men to put it about, but somehow shameful or unfeminine for women to do the same.  

    I blame evolution for this, the idea that men being driven to pass on their genes needed to fuck as many women as possible, whilst making sure that women weren’t screwing other men behind their back. Unfortunately, there wasn’t such a thing as paternity tests back then and men couldn’t afford to waste energy and resources bringing up kids that weren’t theirs, hence why they became possessive over ‘their women’ and fought off other men who got too close (i.e. became possessive slut shaming arseholes).  

    In the animal kingdom they like to keep it simple; males fighting over mating rights, with only the strongest (i.e. the one with the best genes) getting to reproduce with multiple females, whilst the defeated males just sit in the corner cry wanking (I guess). Kind of makes sense… and everyone knows where they stand.  

    I’m glad we don’t go in for all that though… I mean, we wouldn’t get men to fight it out in some hunger games style situation, we’re too civilised for that. It would be some sort of democratic voting system; the cuntservices party versus the ‘let’s get you in labour’ party (sorry, sometimes this stuff just writes itself).  

    Whilst I wouldn’t kick Keir Starmer out of bed, I don’t think the world needs any more mini Boris Johnsons running around; as for the Americans, they’d be well and truly fucked… 

    Whilst evolutionarily speaking, jealousy and possessiveness over women may have been beneficial in the past, it has no place in our modern society. Men do not own women, nor do they need to protect them from the advances of other men; we’re more than capable of saying no (or yes if we want). Women should have the right to sleep around and play the field in the same way men do; no woman needs slut shaming into being a ‘one-man’ woman, especially by men who’d fuck anything with a pulse.    

    I’m happy to say that I don’t get jealous or feel possessive over any of my sugar daddies. I fully accept that they have wives and families, lives of their own, and are free to pursue other people.  

    I do get annoyed when other sugar babies come sniffing around my sugar daddies, especially if they’re easy to please and pay well, but that’s only because they’re in short supply and it’s a competitive market!  

    I still occasionally feel jealous; those feelings haven’t totally gone away but are triggered by different things now; such as women who look good without trying, families who are close, and loved up happy couples. I’m only human, and in moments of weakness and loneliness these things get to me; and I have to remind myself of how lucky I am, how much I have achieved and how much I have to be grateful for.  

    Emily-Rose xxx 

  • Are men being used or taken advantage of by women like me who charge for sex?  

    I know that women are sometimes accused of using their sexuality to manipulate men to get what they want; I myself have certainly been accused of using my feminine charms to get my way, and don’t mind admitting that I will flirt with men and get my tits out if it makes life easier, because why not… I don’t agree that by being sexual, flirtatious or available, I’m taking advantage of men though; I think that’s just a convenient narrative to resolve men of responsibility.  

    The whole idea that men are driven by their cocks and can’t help succumbing to an attractive woman is bollocks, and ultimately just a way to excuse and justify bad behaviour and lack of self-control. I’ve heard the same logic used by women to excuse unfaithful partners though, it’s always the other woman’s fault for leading her man astray, far easier to make her the villain then address the real issues in the relationship. 

    Have you ever heard a women blame her pussy for her behaviour? No of course not, most women are able to take responsibility for their actions. Unless sex is non-consensual, it takes two to tango; and in my experience, it’s normally the men asking the women to dance…  

    As a woman I may be making the most of what nature has given me (my natural resources so to speak) and I’m not afraid to play the game in order to get what I want, but I don’t feel like I’m using or taking advantage of men in a harmful or manipulative way in order to make money. I’m upfront and honest about what I do, and what the arrangement is. My job is to provide what my sugar daddies need (which varies from guy to guy) for an agreed upon price, I could just as easily be providing house cleaning services, or doing their accounts; it just so happens that I’d rather be having sex then cleaning or studying bank statements… wouldn’t most people? 

    I provide a service for men seeking the kind of service I provide. If I was out randomly luring in wealthy men, trying to convince them to sleep with me, that would be different. Even then, they could just say no; a strange concept I know, but I believe it’s possible.  

    I could of course, if I wanted to, take advantage of the generous nature of some of my sugar daddies; but I don’t. I’ve never asked my sugar daddies for anything extra, above or beyond what has been agreed. I don’t expect something for nothing and like to think that I’m fair and business-like in the way I conduct myself.  

    Having been doing this for a while, and having spoken to hundreds of sugar daddies, there are unfortunately a lot of vulnerable men using sugaring sites. Men who aren’t that successful, and don’t have much money, but have been driven to join through loneliness, isolation, or sheer necessity; and men who are unable to pick up women and access sex the ‘normal way’ because they lack the confidence, opportunity or skills to approach women in person. I’ve been involved with several guys who are clearly on the spectrum, and whilst I know they’re safe with me, I can see how susceptible they’d be to being manipulated or taken advantage of if approached by the wrong person. 

    A lack of transparency on sugaring sites can further exasperate the situation. Often, these sites presenting as a more traditional online dating site, in order to appear more ‘respectable’ or socially acceptable, meaning that innocent men who’ve lost their way, and are looking for a genuine relationship, will get more then they bargain for, or caught up in something they don’t know how to handle.  

    I’ve certainly spoken to and met up with men who’ve been looking for an actual relationship, and not really wanted an arrangement with a financial element, which is frustrating because it’s a waste of my time, and of theirs.  

    There are lots of lonely men on these sites who would benefit from professional help and support, but don’t know how or where to find it, so find us instead. Loneliness and social isolation are a real issue though and a factor which makes people incredibly vulnerable. Just as a starving person will take scraps of food to survive, a person starved of love and affection will also take whatever they can, because it’s better than nothing; and women looking for an easy target will play on this. It’s not even just women, there are plenty of fake profiles on sugaring sites, men pretending to be young attractive women in order to take advantage of vulnerable men and scam them out of money.     

    I’ve lost count of the number of horror stories I’ve heard from my sugar daddies; nearly all the men I’ve been involved with have had at least one bad experience with a sugar baby. Many have been conned out of, or blackmailed for money, but felt unable to do anything about it.  

    If society was more open to the fact that this sort of thing went on, and we could discuss these things without getting so squeamish about it, then things would be a lot safer. If sex work became a recognised profession, then it could be legislated, and safeguarding put in place for both the men and women involved, who I hate to tell you this, are going to be doing it anyway, whether it’s safe or not. The whole issue as to whether establishments like brothels should be legalised is an interesting debate, and not something I know enough about to know the answer to. It’s maybe something to consider though, as there’s certainly an argument in favour for this being the case.   

    Anyway, I digress; to summarise my thoughts on this, I don’t think women like me charging men for sex are in any way taking advantage of them. We are just providing a service, for which there is, and always will be a demand. I appreciate that as animals, we are all to some extent motivated by sex, that’s how we as a species have survived after all. I guess you could argue that sugar babies are taking advantage of and capitalising on human nature and carnal desire, but only for those who want to engage with us, we are not forcing anyone to have sex with us. There are vulnerable men seeking out sugar babies, and women within the profession who take advantage of men and get away with it, but you can’t judge every woman in this profession based on the behaviour of a few.  

    Hopefully you’ve found this blog interesting, and it’s made you question some of your own ideas and beliefs on this subject. Either way, it’s good to remember that nothing in life is ever black and white, there are only shades of grey.  

    Emily-Rose xxx 

  • Sex workers: Victims or sexually empowered women?

    Assumptions are often made about sex workers like me; such as that we are victims, we are being exploited by men, we don’t really enjoy what we’re doing, and only having sex for money through necessity. 

    I appreciate that this is the case for lots of women, I’m not going to start spouting some idealist bullshit about how everyone is free to make their own choices in life, because as lovely as that sounds, it simply isn’t true. Vulnerable women are often forced into the sex trade or prostitution because they have no other option, men will take advantage of women by offering money they can’t afford to turn down, or by threatening or coercing them in some way; men are capable of doing some pretty awful things in order to make money or get their end away. Women struggling with addiction may turn to sex work because it’s the only way to get the money they need; and there’s no doubt that homelessness, lack of employment or access to education, and poor health (both physical and mental) all contribute to the decision (or need) for women to sell sex for money.  

    It’s wrong to assume that all women who engage in sex work are in some way victims or being taken advantage of though, as there are plenty of women who do this type of work because they want to, and they enjoy it. For me anyway it’s very much a choice, and I don’t believe that I am being exploited or taken advantage of by any of the men who pay for my services. I have chosen to put myself out there as a sugar baby, and advertise on sites that allow me to set out exactly what I’m looking for and what I have to offer. I’m in full control over who I engage with and who I choose to see, if I don’t like the look of someone then I’ll ignore their messages, if they’re being a twat then I can block or report them; I certainly don’t feel under pressure to get involved with anyone, or do anything I don’t want to. 

    I genuinely enjoy being a sugar baby; I mean obviously not all the time, no job is perfect, but 99% of the time I’m having fun and enjoy what I’m doing. I have done other things, had other jobs, and have a good degree, so could do something else if I want or need to, but I choose to work as a sugar baby because quite frankly I like the lifestyle, the freedom and the money. I love being around men and having sex, and enjoy being looked after and having (/being) a good time, so for me it’s the perfect job. I have no qualms about embracing and capitalizing on my feminine sexuality and my body to make a living, I don’t find it demeaning in any way, if anything I find it empowering. Men will always pay women for sex, they’ve been doing so since the beginning of time; the only question is whether they’re paying me or someone else… and I’m more than happy to take their money. 

    Of course, there are always going to be men who take the piss, but it’s up to me to say no and put them in their place; something I have no problem doing. Afterall, I know how much I’m worth and how much men will pay for my company; so if some guy messages me wanting a quickie in the back of his car for £60 (as happened the other day), I have no problem telling him exactly where he can shove his money. I know that I’m lucky to be in a situation where I can tell men to fuck off, but equally a lot of women doing this type of work are in the same situation; they choose who they work with, and in many ways hold all the cards. There are plenty of successful women out there who do this job because they don’t have the time or energy (or desire) for a traditional relationship, and find that these arrangements give them everything they need. Women who work as GPs, lawyers, teachers, who do sugar baby work on the side for the thrill of it, or because they want to maintain a luxurious lifestyle.   

    The point I’m trying to make is that whilst sex workers are occasionally put in vulnerable situations, not all sex workers are vulnerable women; it very much depends on the woman and her particular circumstances. If you’re paying a sex worker and you get the impression that she’s not happy or there through choice, then you’re likely taking advantage of her situation. If you’re driving around the streets picking up girls who are only having sex for money because they have no other choice, again, you’re taking advantage of a vulnerable woman in order to get your leg over. Don’t convince yourself that it’s some kind of charity, or in any way altruistic; you could just as easily buy her food or give her money without making her suck your cock or fuck you…  

    If you do want to pay someone for sex (and why not, it can be great fun when done properly), just make sure it’s with someone who’s chosen to be there, who enjoys what they do, and is in a position to say no. Having sex with a sex worker can be a wonderful experience for both parties if done correctly, and there are plenty of intelligent and attractive women like me who get off on having sex for money, so why not give it a try? You never know, you might just make someone very happy 🙂 

    Emily-Rose xxx