Sugar and Spice

Tag: Female empowerment

  • Jealous and possessive sugar daddies

    If you’ve ever experienced jealousy or felt possessive over someone then you’ll understand what an all-consuming experience it can be; I should know, I’ve been there.  

    Of course, jealousy and possessiveness are often symptoms of insecurity and low self-esteem. For me certainly, my past issues around jealousy and possessiveness stemmed from not feeling good enough and a fear of being abandoned, which I’ve been working on… ‘you can’t love someone else until you love yourself’, etc.  

    Sugar daddies feeling jealous towards other men or becoming possessive over me is something I’ve had to deal with as a sugar baby, which I guess is to be expected. I mean, it can’t be easy seeing someone who’s involved with and having sex with other people; it’s bound to have a negative impact on some of the men I’m seeing. 

    Some sugar daddies can be quite possessive when we’re together in public, especially if I’m attracting attention from other men. Unfortunately though, when I’m all glammed up, other men will hit on me, especially if they don’t realise what the situation is and think they have a chance. That or they realise exactly what’s going on and think I’m open to negotiation… yes, I’ve had men offer me money to abandon a sugar daddy mid-date to be with them… obviously I’ve said no. 

    One of my sugar daddies (who was a bit of a knob) got around this by physically escorting me to and from the toilet every time I needed a pee. Apparently, he was protecting me (like I need protecting…) from unwanted comments, but in reality just wanted to show everyone in the pub that I was with him, a subtle (or not so subtle) ‘back off’ to other men. I guess I should’ve counted myself lucky he didn’t get his cock out and piss on me like a dog… 

    Talking of marking territory; another sugar daddy told me he’d like to inflict so much pain onto me as to mark me, like branding a steer with a hot iron, so that I (and everyone else) would know that I belonged to him.  

    Obviously, he’d never be in a position to do anything like that, nor would anyone else for that matter. I may occasionally wear a collar, but I’m not going to be branded like an animal.  

    I’ve had to end things with several sugar daddies who’ve become jealous or possessive to the extent that it’s had a detrimental impact on me or our arrangement. I’m not a possession to be owned, nor do I want to be. I have my limits and tolerate a lot, but if their behaviour becomes an issue then I have no choice but to end things, not just for my sake but for theirs. I have a duty of care over the men I’m involved with and can’t justify seeing someone if our arrangement is having a negative effect on their mental health or wellbeing; they may not want it to end, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. 

    Sugar daddies who don’t like sharing often prefer an exclusive arrangement, forbidding their sugar babies from dating or sleeping with other men. For some men it’s a deal breaker, and I’ve forfeited my fair share of business because I’ve been unable (or unwilling I suppose) to offer exclusivity. Although having said that, I’m sure lots of sugar babies are ‘exclusive’ with several men, but I’m too honest for that.  

    I’m not against having an exclusive arrangement per se, in many ways it’s very sensible, it just doesn’t make sense financially; I’ve yet to find one sugar daddy who can offer me enough to convince me to give up my other men. Although knowing me, I’d probably get bored and fuck someone else anyway; no point making promises I can’t keep. 

    Hypocritically, many of the sugar daddies who dislike the fact I see other men, have no issue fucking as many other women as they like. Unfortunately, there still seem to be double standards regarding the sexual behaviour of men and women; it being somewhat socially acceptable (even expected) for men to put it about, but somehow shameful or unfeminine for women to do the same.  

    I blame evolution for this, the idea that men being driven to pass on their genes needed to fuck as many women as possible, whilst making sure that women weren’t screwing other men behind their back. Unfortunately, there wasn’t such a thing as paternity tests back then and men couldn’t afford to waste energy and resources bringing up kids that weren’t theirs, hence why they became possessive over ‘their women’ and fought off other men who got too close (i.e. became possessive slut shaming arseholes).  

    In the animal kingdom they like to keep it simple; males fighting over mating rights, with only the strongest (i.e. the one with the best genes) getting to reproduce with multiple females, whilst the defeated males just sit in the corner cry wanking (I guess). Kind of makes sense… and everyone knows where they stand.  

    I’m glad we don’t go in for all that though… I mean, we wouldn’t get men to fight it out in some hunger games style situation, we’re too civilised for that. It would be some sort of democratic voting system; the cuntservices party versus the ‘let’s get you in labour’ party (sorry, sometimes this stuff just writes itself).  

    Whilst I wouldn’t kick Keir Starmer out of bed, I don’t think the world needs any more mini Boris Johnsons running around; as for the Americans, they’d be well and truly fucked… 

    Whilst evolutionarily speaking, jealousy and possessiveness over women may have been beneficial in the past, it has no place in our modern society. Men do not own women, nor do they need to protect them from the advances of other men; we’re more than capable of saying no (or yes if we want). Women should have the right to sleep around and play the field in the same way men do; no woman needs slut shaming into being a ‘one-man’ woman, especially by men who’d fuck anything with a pulse.    

    I’m happy to say that I don’t get jealous or feel possessive over any of my sugar daddies. I fully accept that they have wives and families, lives of their own, and are free to pursue other people.  

    I do get annoyed when other sugar babies come sniffing around my sugar daddies, especially if they’re easy to please and pay well, but that’s only because they’re in short supply and it’s a competitive market!  

    I still occasionally feel jealous; those feelings haven’t totally gone away but are triggered by different things now; such as women who look good without trying, families who are close, and loved up happy couples. I’m only human, and in moments of weakness and loneliness these things get to me; and I have to remind myself of how lucky I am, how much I have achieved and how much I have to be grateful for.  

    Emily-Rose xxx 

  • Orgasm inequality

    Orgasm inequality is a term I’ve come across (or not haha) a few times recently; another inequality to add to the list… Yay! It’s definitely a thing though, and something I experience regularly in both my personal life and as a sugar baby. 

    If you don’t know what orgasm inequality is, it’s a term used to describe the disparity in sexual satisfaction (or orgasming) during sexual encounters between straight men and women; the ‘orgasm gap’ so to speak. Straight men orgasming far more frequently than straight women during their sexual encounters.    

    Unfortunately, the majority of my sugar daddies don’t make me come, most don’t even get close. My sexual interactions with them are focused on them getting their needs met; which is fine as to be honest I wouldn’t want to come with most of them anyway, I can do that in my own time. My orgasms don’t pay the bills, theirs do… 

    Having said that, it’s nice when I do come across (excuse the pun) a sugar daddy who can fully satisfy me. I have a few regulars at the moment who know exactly what they’re doing and how to make me climax; which is a real bonus.  

    Obviously both men and women enjoy a good orgasm, so why is orgasm inequality a thing? Why aren’t women getting their needs met in the bedroom? 

    I think there are several reasons for this, maybe the most obvious being that women rarely orgasm through penetrative sex alone, most need direct clitoral or g-spot stimulation, or at the very least some decent foreplay before penetrative sex. Therefore, if you’re having a quicky, whilst the man will come, the woman is often left feeling frustrated. 

    Rather annoyingly, when men become sexually aroused, which seems to happen at the drop of a hat (or some panties) they’re driven to get their cock into somewhere (or something) warm and wet; once they’ve done this and shot their load, they’ve little motivation for anything else. As far as they’re concerned, they’ve reached the finish line, and ‘sexy time’ is over; if you haven’t climaxed during this time, you’re out of luck…  

    Whilst some men are conscious about a woman’s need for stimulation and will focus on giving pleasure before getting their end away, others seem to think that a quick fingering before entering with their cock is sufficient, which it really isn’t.  

    I’d love to say that this is because men are selfish arseholes who only care about their own needs, but I don’t believe that’s true (not of all of them anyway); in many cases I think they just don’t know any better. Men can be quite naive when it comes to what woman want and need in the bedroom, and it’s this lack of awareness and education around female sensuality and sexuality that’s often the issue. 

    To be fair on men, us women can be complicated when it comes to our orgasms; hampered by the fact that our erogenous zones are hidden away. Let’s face it, you can’t exactly miss an erect penis, but the clitoris and g-spot are slightly more elusive.  

    It can also take time for a woman’s orgasm to build, and most women need to feel comfortable and in the right place mentally before they can fully let go and experience an orgasm. Add this to the fact that all women like to be touched and achieve orgasm differently, and it’s no wonder men are struggling (and often just give up).  

    Women can feel self-conscious about the fact that their orgasms are not easily achieved, or in some situations not going to happen at all, and therefore resort to ‘faking it’ in order to take the pressure of themselves or their partner. I’ve been guilty of doing this on numerous occasions; I’ve faked orgasms because it’s easier than admitting to not having had one. I’ve also been guilty of letting men think I’ve come in order to protect their egos (I’m really good at faking it); but what are you supposed to say when a guy says ‘wow, you came so many times’ or asks how many times you climaxed… If it’s someone who’s paying me, or it’s a one-off thing then what’s the point in being honest and hurting their feelings; sometimes it’s easier just to lie. 

    Trouble is, by being dishonest, or disingenuous about our orgasms (or lack of), we aren’t helping the situation. Men can hardly remedy a problem they don’t know exists. How are men expected to learn how to satisfy us if we don’t speak up about what we need and let them know that our needs are not being met.   

    The traditional role of women as ‘care givers’, and nurturers has resulted in women being less likely to speak up about what they want in the bedroom though (and elsewhere for that matter) as it feels somehow selfish. We’ve been conditioned into believing that sex is about men ‘needing’ a physical release, and that our needs are somehow less important.  

    Indeed, if we think of sex as the means to reproduce and create new life, it’s essential for the man to orgasm and ejaculate, to release the sperm that will fertilize the egg. At no point does a woman need to orgasm in order to become pregnant. From a reproductive perspective therefore, the female orgasm is irrelevant… a nice to have rather than a necessity. Men’s orgasms are essential for the survival of the species, women’s are not… but that shouldn’t mean they get overlooked; especially when most of us, most of the time are having sex for pleasure rather than to reproduce anyway… 

    Throughout history, women’s needs have been chronically overlooked though, it’s only relatively recently (historically speaking) that female self-autonomy and empowerment have even been a thing. Our traditional patriarchal society has encouraged women to please and be pleasing to men in the bedroom (and out of it), leading to men (straight men anyway) becoming complacent and in some cases quite selfish. 

    I’ve certainly felt the need to please men in the bedroom, felt under pressure to make them come, and endeavored to do so regardless as to whether I’ve been enjoying the experience or not; I’m not sure I can say the same for any of the men I’ve been with though. When I go to bed with a man, I know he’s expecting an orgasm, so if that doesn’t happen, I can’t help but feel I’ve somehow failed at my job. Men can get quite sulky when they don’t get their ‘happy ending’…. 

    A lot of my brief personal encounters (one night’s stands etc) have been very similar to my encounters with my sugar daddies (i.e. they’ve come and I haven’t). My long-term relationships have been different though as I’ve not been afraid to ask for what I want and need; and both my significant others have been more than happy to make me come first when asked (yes, I trained them well). Even then, I didn’t request or expect to come every time we had sex, there were plenty of occasions where they came and I didn’t, because I can enjoy sex without having an orgasm, it’s not the be all and end all for me; and to be honest sometimes I’m not in the mood or just can’t be bothered. 

    We all know that honesty and communication are vital components in a relationship, but it’s especially important in the bedroom. If you’re harbouring resentment towards your partner for not meeting your needs or fulfilling you sexually, you need to ask yourself whether you’ve communicated this and given them the chance to put it right. So many women in long-term relationships are having unsatisfactory sex, I mean how many women are with men who don’t know how to give them pleasure? It’s no wonder women get bored of sex and see it as a chore.  

    As a woman it’s important to speak up about what you need, and remember that it’s ok to receive pleasure, it doesn’t make you selfish; we are not accessories in the bedroom or merely objects in which to come (they can get a sex doll if they want that). It’s up to us to take ownership over our bodies and ensure that we are getting the most from our sexual encounters; if men are being selfish then we need to call them out on it, if men don’t know what they are doing then we need to teach them, it’s no good bitching about it behind their backs, we need to be proactive if we want change.  

    Yes, it sucks that women have to fight for their orgasms, but then we’ve had to fight for everything else… If we’re going to fuck the patriarchy though, we might as well get as much enjoyment from it as possible. 

    To the men reading this, I hope this blog has made you think about your behaviour in the bedroom and inspired you to do better. I know you’re not all selfish lovers, but many of you are and unfortunately need reminding that sex isn’t all about you getting your end away.  

    If you don’t know what you’re doing or what your partner needs, don’t be afraid to ask. If we work together then maybe we can start to bridge the gap.  

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    For tips on how to make a woman come, check out this blog…

    Top tips on how to get a woman to orgasm (or at least this woman) 

  • Sex workers: Victims or sexually empowered women?

    Assumptions are often made about sex workers like me; such as that we are victims, we are being exploited by men, we don’t really enjoy what we’re doing, and only having sex for money through necessity. 

    I appreciate that this is the case for lots of women, I’m not going to start spouting some idealist bullshit about how everyone is free to make their own choices in life, because as lovely as that sounds, it simply isn’t true. Vulnerable women are often forced into the sex trade or prostitution because they have no other option, men will take advantage of women by offering money they can’t afford to turn down, or by threatening or coercing them in some way; men are capable of doing some pretty awful things in order to make money or get their end away. Women struggling with addiction may turn to sex work because it’s the only way to get the money they need; and there’s no doubt that homelessness, lack of employment or access to education, and poor health (both physical and mental) all contribute to the decision (or need) for women to sell sex for money.  

    It’s wrong to assume that all women who engage in sex work are in some way victims or being taken advantage of though, as there are plenty of women who do this type of work because they want to, and they enjoy it. For me anyway it’s very much a choice, and I don’t believe that I am being exploited or taken advantage of by any of the men who pay for my services. I have chosen to put myself out there as a sugar baby, and advertise on sites that allow me to set out exactly what I’m looking for and what I have to offer. I’m in full control over who I engage with and who I choose to see, if I don’t like the look of someone then I’ll ignore their messages, if they’re being a twat then I can block or report them; I certainly don’t feel under pressure to get involved with anyone, or do anything I don’t want to. 

    I genuinely enjoy being a sugar baby; I mean obviously not all the time, no job is perfect, but 99% of the time I’m having fun and enjoy what I’m doing. I have done other things, had other jobs, and have a good degree, so could do something else if I want or need to, but I choose to work as a sugar baby because quite frankly I like the lifestyle, the freedom and the money. I love being around men and having sex, and enjoy being looked after and having (/being) a good time, so for me it’s the perfect job. I have no qualms about embracing and capitalizing on my feminine sexuality and my body to make a living, I don’t find it demeaning in any way, if anything I find it empowering. Men will always pay women for sex, they’ve been doing so since the beginning of time; the only question is whether they’re paying me or someone else… and I’m more than happy to take their money. 

    Of course, there are always going to be men who take the piss, but it’s up to me to say no and put them in their place; something I have no problem doing. Afterall, I know how much I’m worth and how much men will pay for my company; so if some guy messages me wanting a quickie in the back of his car for £60 (as happened the other day), I have no problem telling him exactly where he can shove his money. I know that I’m lucky to be in a situation where I can tell men to fuck off, but equally a lot of women doing this type of work are in the same situation; they choose who they work with, and in many ways hold all the cards. There are plenty of successful women out there who do this job because they don’t have the time or energy (or desire) for a traditional relationship, and find that these arrangements give them everything they need. Women who work as GPs, lawyers, teachers, who do sugar baby work on the side for the thrill of it, or because they want to maintain a luxurious lifestyle.   

    The point I’m trying to make is that whilst sex workers are occasionally put in vulnerable situations, not all sex workers are vulnerable women; it very much depends on the woman and her particular circumstances. If you’re paying a sex worker and you get the impression that she’s not happy or there through choice, then you’re likely taking advantage of her situation. If you’re driving around the streets picking up girls who are only having sex for money because they have no other choice, again, you’re taking advantage of a vulnerable woman in order to get your leg over. Don’t convince yourself that it’s some kind of charity, or in any way altruistic; you could just as easily buy her food or give her money without making her suck your cock or fuck you…  

    If you do want to pay someone for sex (and why not, it can be great fun when done properly), just make sure it’s with someone who’s chosen to be there, who enjoys what they do, and is in a position to say no. Having sex with a sex worker can be a wonderful experience for both parties if done correctly, and there are plenty of intelligent and attractive women like me who get off on having sex for money, so why not give it a try? You never know, you might just make someone very happy 🙂 

    Emily-Rose xxx