Slightly different blog today, as this isn’t an extract from my (yet to be published) book, but a life update/ some fresh ramblings. In case you hadn’t guessed from the title, today is actually my birthday, today I am officially 36 years old; yay, well done me!
I’m not planning on doing anything productive today (other than writing this), no… today is reserved for contemplation and self-reflection; thinking about what I’ve achieved, what I’ve yet to achieve, and wondering where the hell the last 12 months have gone. I might even treat myself to a little cry and an afternoon nap, just because it’s my special day and I can.
They’ll be no partying or celebrating here, tonight I’ll be in my PJs by 6pm (assuming I get dressed at all), and in bed by 9pm with a book and a mug of hot chocolate; fuck it, I might even put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours. This may sound a bit tragic, but it’s my idea of heaven; and if you can’t do what you want on your birthday, then when can you….
Thankfully it’s just me and my daughter here today, so no-one has to witness my birthday induced anxiety. My daughter is celebrating her anniversary with her online boyfriend, which totally trumps her Mum having survived another year; so, she’ll be spending most of her evening on her laptop in her room anyway.
Don’t worry, I have just come back from a few nights in Dublin with my regular sugar daddy where we celebrated in style, and on Thursday I’m heading up to Birmingham for an afternoon of shopping with another sugar daddy, so my birthday is not going unobserved. I may not feel the need to celebrate, but apparently other people do…
Am I where I thought I’d be at the age of 36; no, of course not. I’m single, living on a tiny boat (I moved onto a narrowboat), without any real career prospects. I’m still figuring out who I am and what I want to do with my life (all be it whilst having a great time in the process). I seriously thought I’d have my life sorted by the age of 30 though, but that didn’t happen (not even close) so 40 is my new 30. I’ve got four years to get my shit together; maybe I’m a late bloomer… let’s hope so!
My main goal is to publish my book, however I’m yet to find a literary agent; I’ve had two agents requesting the full manuscript though, so hopefully it’s just a matter of time. Yes, I know I could self-publish, but that costs money and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, and I’d probably fuck it up; so, I wait, hoping that someone reads my book and thinks it’s worth a shot. In the meantime, book number two is being written, as I need something to do other than check my inbox every 5 minutes.
Obviously, I have my sugar daddies to keep me busy and pay my bills whilst I’m waiting, for which I’m eternally grateful; and I must say that I’m absolutely smashing it in terms of work/life balance at the moment.
What is my 37th year on this planet going to have in store for me, fuck knows…. Ideally a six-figure publishing deal, a best-selling book, and Netflix harassing me for movie rights… I’d also quite like to fall in love, ideally with someone who owns a nice house with a big comfy bed; we’ll rescue cats and possibly have a dog. I think that’s all, surely that’s not too much to ask…
I’m well aware that growing old is a privilege, not that I’m particularly old, but you know what I mean. I’m also lucky that all my bits work (most of the time anyway) and I’m in relatively good shape, although I do have to watch what I eat and exercise now, which sucks; you can’t have it all though…
Anyway, can’t sit here writing all day, I have an existential crisis to organise.
I’ll be back soon, when normal service will be resumed.
Emily-Rose xxx
*In case you’re interested in what I’m reading at the moment, I’m reading ‘In Pursuit of Happiness by Stacey Duguid’. It’s not a bad book, but not as good as mine; just saying…
Sugar and Spice 