Sugar and Spice

Real life confessions of a working girl

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  • Dishonest Sugar Babies

    Of course, not all sugar babies are as honest and genuine as I am, and I’ve heard first-hand what some sugar babies will do; blackmailing their sugar daddies, asking for additional money, threatening to contact their family or place of work if they don’t get what they want etc. Or alternatively convincing their sugar daddies that what they have is ‘special’ and ‘different’ to their other arrangements in order to manipulate them. 

    It happens all the time, women taking advantage of sugar daddies who have more money than sense, are naive and vulnerable, or only thinking with their cocks.  

    One of my sugar daddies for example was conned out of thousands of pounds by a sugar baby who lied about the death of her disabled son, and being unable to cover funeral costs. Of course, it turned out to be a lie; her son was alive and well (having been taken away by social services), and the money was being spent on drugs. He totally fell for her sob story though and helped pay off her debts, although had to involve the police when dealers started turning up at his house threatening him for money; it got really messy.   

    Turns out she wasn’t even single as she’d claimed to be, but had a boyfriend the whole time, no doubt at home getting high whilst she was out conning men to feed their habit.  

    How he managed to get himself into that situation I’ll never know, but he’s still paying financially for his mistake having totally over-extended himself for someone who was taking advantage of him.  

    Obviously, whilst I felt sorry for him, I couldn’t help but think how incredibly stupid and naive he’d been. She saw him coming and milked him (behave) for every penny he had. 

    Another sugar daddy (who didn’t have a lot of money) had a similar experience with a sugar baby he believed he had something special with. He gave her money towards buying a horse because he thought she genuinely liked him and that what they had was special; he was rather hurt when he realised that wasn’t the case. She knew exactly what she was doing though. She saw an opportunity to play on the fact that he had feelings for her and used this to get what she wanted. Her name’s been mentioned by a few of my sugar daddies, she’s getting a reputation for leading men on and breaking their hearts. 

    Unfortunately, girls like her give sugar babies a bad name, and make us look like desperate money grabbing whores, when in reality most of us aren’t, we’re just normal decent people trying to make ends meet. Nurses trying to supplement their income, students trying to get through uni; or horny women like me who just love sex and money.  

    By its very nature, the whole sugar daddy/sugar baby arrangement leaves both parties at risk of being taken advantage of, and there are plenty of dishonest sugar babies out there, just as there are corrupt coppers, bent lawyers and dodgy builders. It’s not the job that’s the issue; it’s just human nature… give someone power and they’ll be tempted to abuse it (just look at our politicians).  

    Being somewhat an ‘underground’ profession doesn’t help either. Men who have been conned by sugar babies feel unable to go to the police, because they feel humiliated and embarrassed. One sugar daddy who paid a girl that did a runner before ‘putting out’, felt unable to tell anyone about it; what would he even say? He didn’t think the police would take him seriously, that he’d be laughed at; so he took the hit and moved on.  

    At the end of the day though it’s theft, and she shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it. If you paid a plumber upfront and they fucked off with your money you’d be pissed off, but at least you’d be able to tell someone about it; when there’s sex involved it’s dirty and shameful, and somehow different though.        

    One of my other (married) sugar daddies got into a very difficult situation with a sugar baby who was trying to blackmail him. He realised that he had no option but to pay her, however decided to write ‘blackmail’ as the payment reference. The money left his account but was flagged by her bank as a dodgy transaction, immediately freezing her accounts. She was absolutely fuming and gave him a load of abuse down the phone; but didn’t bother him for money again. 

    It frustrates me that this sort of thing goes on, but as easy as it is to place the blame fully on the women involved, I think men need to take some responsibility here. Honestly, some men are just asking for trouble, they see a pretty face (or a nice pair of tits) and everything else goes out the window; they leave themselves wide open. Worse than that, many of them don’t even care; they have so much money that it doesn’t matter. They’ll send money to women they’ve never met because they’re fed some sob story about the dishwasher breaking or the kids needing new shoes etc; and are stupid enough to fall for it. 

    Maybe I’m just bitter because I’m too honest to expect something for nothing so I’m here working like a bitch whilst they’re doing fuck all; or I’m just jealous because I’m not pretty enough to merely flutter my eyelashes at men to get money. 

    However women have been screwed over by men for centuries, so I don’t blame the odd one for seeking revenge and wanting to fuck men over; especially those who are asking for it… 

    Anyway, it goes without saying that I don’t know the women I’ve discussed in this blog, I can only relay the stories told to me by my sugar daddies. I don’t know their individual circumstances and what led to their behaviour. Obviously claiming that your child has died in order to scam someone is a fucked-up thing to do, but I don’t know the full story. You have to be pretty desperate or mentally ill to pull a stunt like that, so let’s try to show some compassion… 

    If you’re thinking about becoming a sugar daddy or paying a woman for sex, just be careful. Don’t allow loneliness, desperation or your ego to leave you vulnerable. Be realistic about the situation and what’s going on and try to think with your head rather than your heart (or your penis). 

    Being a sugar daddy can be a wonderful and very rewarding experience, and there are lots of lovely sexy sugar babies out there who are genuine and caring; you just have to find them. 

    Till next time, stay safe. 

    Emily-Rose xxx  

    For advice on reducing the risk of being blackmailed, check out this post

    Advice for sugar daddies who want to protect their identity and avoid being blackmailed 

  • Pubic Hair

    I didn’t realize how controversial (borderline offensive) pubic hair could be until I became a sex worker; it seems to be something that everyone has an opinion on though. 

    I personally don’t mind having pubes, left to my own devices I’ll leave them grow, and just trim them back when they get annoying or unruly; I certainly don’t feel the need to be clean shaven or even that tidy down there most of the time. However, as a sugar baby I have to consider my sugar daddies and what they want. Obviously, if the guy I’m seeing tonight wants a hair free pussy but the guy I’m seeing tomorrow prefers the natural look, then one of them is going to be disappointed; however, I try to accommodate their preferences when and where I can. 

    Before meeting me, sugar daddies will often ask what the situation is ‘down there’, as it’s clearly important to them. Most of the guys I see prefer a shaven pussy or a tidy landing strip, not many men want the natural look….  

    I personally blame the porn industry for this; men (especially younger men) being so used to seeing hairless or neatly trimmed pussies that they’ve become accustomed to this look and find the ‘au naturel’ look unattractive. Or maybe it’s just women like me who work in the sex industry that are expected to look a certain way…either way, it’s a pain in the ass.    

    One guy I met up with insisted that I be completely hairless down there (and everywhere else on my body) as he considered pubic hair to be unhygienic. He mentioned several times how disgusting pubic hair was, and how important it was for me to be completely hair free.  

    Now, I don’t mind guys having a preference, we all have preferences, but this guy was being obsessive about it, and I had to reassure him several times that I’d be ‘clean’ for him. 

    I don’t think he was that intelligent, so I wasn’t going to argue about it or point out that pubic hair is perfectly natural and not disgusting or unhygienic; I just got my razor out and dutifully did what I was told (as a sugar baby you have to pick your battles).  

    It pissed me off that I was being made to feel almost ashamed about something perfectly natural though, like I was in some way disgusting; unclean and unshaven. I was so annoyed by his ignorance that I did some research into pubes and why we have them, in case he kept going on about it and I needed to defend myself. 

    Anyway, it turns out that pubic hair serves many important functions, which is obvious when you think about it, as otherwise we wouldn’t have it. 

    Firstly, pubic hair acts as a barrier, trapping sweat, oils and bacteria that can cause irritation or infection, and can prevent the transmission of bacteria and other pathogens during sex. As well as protecting us (to some extent) against sexually transmitted infections, having pubic hair can also reduce the risk of UTIs, vaginitis and yeast infections (something for us ladies to consider). The sebaceous glands connected to the hair follicles also produce an oily substance that moisturizes our skin and protects it from bacterial and fungal infections. 

    As well as all this, pubic hair traps pheromones (which help us attract a mate); and reduces friction between our genitals during sex, and our clothing when we’re dressed. 

    So, as long as you wash regularly (and thoroughly), then having pubic hair is not disgusting or unhygienic; quite the opposite. 

    On the other hand, removing our pubes can result in skin irritation, redness and itching, as well as ingrown hairs; and increases the risk of infections and STIs, especially if you’ve managed to cut yourself in the process.  

    Then of course there’s the time, cost and energy that goes into doing all of this and maintaining the ‘hair free’ look, honestly, I don’t know why we bother… 

    Actually, I know exactly why we bother, it’s because the beauty industry makes us feel unattractive (or not good enough) in our natural state in order to sell us expensive and unnecessary products to make us feel better. Another example of our capitalist (patriarchal) society creating and then profiting from our insecurities (and vanity). 

    Anyway, I personally didn’t have much experience with going completely hairless until I became involved with a dominant sugar daddy who insisted I be perfectly smooth whenever we met; and would inspect my pussy to check I’d done the job properly. I’d be punished if I wasn’t up to his (very high) standards, so I had to seriously up my game, investing in an expensive razor, moisturizing cream and after care oil in order to avoid the dreaded razor burn and annoying ingrown hairs.  

    Fortunately, my arrangement with that particular sugar daddy didn’t last long, so I was able to relax my standards again, and not continuously obsess over my pubic hair. 

    As with a lot of these things, as soon as the pendulum swings too far in one direction it’s faced with resistance and swings back the other way. We’re seeing this in the younger generation and their resolve not to give in to societal and cultural pressure to shave everything, but to embrace (and even celebrate) their natural body hair.  

    I’d love to be able to join the movement and not worry about my own body hair, however whilst I’m a sugar baby and working with men who expect me to look a certain way, I feel under some pressure to conform. Although, having to shave every now and then to keep men happy is a small price to pay for doing a job I love, so I don’t mind. 

    Men obviously shave their pubes for ‘hygiene’ reasons too, although we all know it’s actually to make their cocks look bigger; like that’s fooling anyone… 

    Obviously, I’m not going to dictate what my men do down there, but I actually prefer the natural look, or at least a trimmed down version. For me, pubic hair is preferable to red pimple covered skin, which is often what I’m presented with when I go down on a man. 

    Hopefully this blog has been insightful, and you’ve learnt something… I guess the important message I want to get across is that you should do whatever you feel comfortable doing and not let society (or men) dictate how you wear your pubic hair. And if someone does try to shame you into shaving or waxing your pubes because they think it’s unhygienic, tell them they’re wrong (or better still, direct them to this blog); if they still insist on it then tell them to do one. Noone has the right to make you feel bad about your body or force you to change anything about the way you look. 

     Your hairy(ish) godmother, 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

  • Jealous and possessive sugar daddies

    If you’ve ever experienced jealousy or felt possessive over someone then you’ll understand what an all-consuming experience it can be; I should know, I’ve been there.  

    Of course, jealousy and possessiveness are often symptoms of insecurity and low self-esteem. For me certainly, my past issues around jealousy and possessiveness stemmed from not feeling good enough and a fear of being abandoned, which I’ve been working on… ‘you can’t love someone else until you love yourself’, etc.  

    Sugar daddies feeling jealous towards other men or becoming possessive over me is something I’ve had to deal with as a sugar baby, which I guess is to be expected. I mean, it can’t be easy seeing someone who’s involved with and having sex with other people; it’s bound to have a negative impact on some of the men I’m seeing. 

    Some sugar daddies can be quite possessive when we’re together in public, especially if I’m attracting attention from other men. Unfortunately though, when I’m all glammed up, other men will hit on me, especially if they don’t realise what the situation is and think they have a chance. That or they realise exactly what’s going on and think I’m open to negotiation… yes, I’ve had men offer me money to abandon a sugar daddy mid-date to be with them… obviously I’ve said no. 

    One of my sugar daddies (who was a bit of a knob) got around this by physically escorting me to and from the toilet every time I needed a pee. Apparently, he was protecting me (like I need protecting…) from unwanted comments, but in reality just wanted to show everyone in the pub that I was with him, a subtle (or not so subtle) ‘back off’ to other men. I guess I should’ve counted myself lucky he didn’t get his cock out and piss on me like a dog… 

    Talking of marking territory; another sugar daddy told me he’d like to inflict so much pain onto me as to mark me, like branding a steer with a hot iron, so that I (and everyone else) would know that I belonged to him.  

    Obviously, he’d never be in a position to do anything like that, nor would anyone else for that matter. I may occasionally wear a collar, but I’m not going to be branded like an animal.  

    I’ve had to end things with several sugar daddies who’ve become jealous or possessive to the extent that it’s had a detrimental impact on me or our arrangement. I’m not a possession to be owned, nor do I want to be. I have my limits and tolerate a lot, but if their behaviour becomes an issue then I have no choice but to end things, not just for my sake but for theirs. I have a duty of care over the men I’m involved with and can’t justify seeing someone if our arrangement is having a negative effect on their mental health or wellbeing; they may not want it to end, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. 

    Sugar daddies who don’t like sharing often prefer an exclusive arrangement, forbidding their sugar babies from dating or sleeping with other men. For some men it’s a deal breaker, and I’ve forfeited my fair share of business because I’ve been unable (or unwilling I suppose) to offer exclusivity. Although having said that, I’m sure lots of sugar babies are ‘exclusive’ with several men, but I’m too honest for that.  

    I’m not against having an exclusive arrangement per se, in many ways it’s very sensible, it just doesn’t make sense financially; I’ve yet to find one sugar daddy who can offer me enough to convince me to give up my other men. Although knowing me, I’d probably get bored and fuck someone else anyway; no point making promises I can’t keep. 

    Hypocritically, many of the sugar daddies who dislike the fact I see other men, have no issue fucking as many other women as they like. Unfortunately, there still seem to be double standards regarding the sexual behaviour of men and women; it being somewhat socially acceptable (even expected) for men to put it about, but somehow shameful or unfeminine for women to do the same.  

    I blame evolution for this, the idea that men being driven to pass on their genes needed to fuck as many women as possible, whilst making sure that women weren’t screwing other men behind their back. Unfortunately, there wasn’t such a thing as paternity tests back then and men couldn’t afford to waste energy and resources bringing up kids that weren’t theirs, hence why they became possessive over ‘their women’ and fought off other men who got too close (i.e. became possessive slut shaming arseholes).  

    In the animal kingdom they like to keep it simple; males fighting over mating rights, with only the strongest (i.e. the one with the best genes) getting to reproduce with multiple females, whilst the defeated males just sit in the corner cry wanking (I guess). Kind of makes sense… and everyone knows where they stand.  

    I’m glad we don’t go in for all that though… I mean, we wouldn’t get men to fight it out in some hunger games style situation, we’re too civilised for that. It would be some sort of democratic voting system; the cuntservices party versus the ‘let’s get you in labour’ party (sorry, sometimes this stuff just writes itself).  

    Whilst I wouldn’t kick Keir Starmer out of bed, I don’t think the world needs any more mini Boris Johnsons running around; as for the Americans, they’d be well and truly fucked… 

    Whilst evolutionarily speaking, jealousy and possessiveness over women may have been beneficial in the past, it has no place in our modern society. Men do not own women, nor do they need to protect them from the advances of other men; we’re more than capable of saying no (or yes if we want). Women should have the right to sleep around and play the field in the same way men do; no woman needs slut shaming into being a ‘one-man’ woman, especially by men who’d fuck anything with a pulse.    

    I’m happy to say that I don’t get jealous or feel possessive over any of my sugar daddies. I fully accept that they have wives and families, lives of their own, and are free to pursue other people.  

    I do get annoyed when other sugar babies come sniffing around my sugar daddies, especially if they’re easy to please and pay well, but that’s only because they’re in short supply and it’s a competitive market!  

    I still occasionally feel jealous; those feelings haven’t totally gone away but are triggered by different things now; such as women who look good without trying, families who are close, and loved up happy couples. I’m only human, and in moments of weakness and loneliness these things get to me; and I have to remind myself of how lucky I am, how much I have achieved and how much I have to be grateful for.  

    Emily-Rose xxx 

  • Orgasm inequality

    Orgasm inequality is a term I’ve come across (or not haha) a few times recently; another inequality to add to the list… Yay! It’s definitely a thing though, and something I experience regularly in both my personal life and as a sugar baby. 

    If you don’t know what orgasm inequality is, it’s a term used to describe the disparity in sexual satisfaction (or orgasming) during sexual encounters between straight men and women; the ‘orgasm gap’ so to speak. Straight men orgasming far more frequently than straight women during their sexual encounters.    

    Unfortunately, the majority of my sugar daddies don’t make me come, most don’t even get close. My sexual interactions with them are focused on them getting their needs met; which is fine as to be honest I wouldn’t want to come with most of them anyway, I can do that in my own time. My orgasms don’t pay the bills, theirs do… 

    Having said that, it’s nice when I do come across (excuse the pun) a sugar daddy who can fully satisfy me. I have a few regulars at the moment who know exactly what they’re doing and how to make me climax; which is a real bonus.  

    Obviously both men and women enjoy a good orgasm, so why is orgasm inequality a thing? Why aren’t women getting their needs met in the bedroom? 

    I think there are several reasons for this, maybe the most obvious being that women rarely orgasm through penetrative sex alone, most need direct clitoral or g-spot stimulation, or at the very least some decent foreplay before penetrative sex. Therefore, if you’re having a quicky, whilst the man will come, the woman is often left feeling frustrated. 

    Rather annoyingly, when men become sexually aroused, which seems to happen at the drop of a hat (or some panties) they’re driven to get their cock into somewhere (or something) warm and wet; once they’ve done this and shot their load, they’ve little motivation for anything else. As far as they’re concerned, they’ve reached the finish line, and ‘sexy time’ is over; if you haven’t climaxed during this time, you’re out of luck…  

    Whilst some men are conscious about a woman’s need for stimulation and will focus on giving pleasure before getting their end away, others seem to think that a quick fingering before entering with their cock is sufficient, which it really isn’t.  

    I’d love to say that this is because men are selfish arseholes who only care about their own needs, but I don’t believe that’s true (not of all of them anyway); in many cases I think they just don’t know any better. Men can be quite naive when it comes to what woman want and need in the bedroom, and it’s this lack of awareness and education around female sensuality and sexuality that’s often the issue. 

    To be fair on men, us women can be complicated when it comes to our orgasms; hampered by the fact that our erogenous zones are hidden away. Let’s face it, you can’t exactly miss an erect penis, but the clitoris and g-spot are slightly more elusive.  

    It can also take time for a woman’s orgasm to build, and most women need to feel comfortable and in the right place mentally before they can fully let go and experience an orgasm. Add this to the fact that all women like to be touched and achieve orgasm differently, and it’s no wonder men are struggling (and often just give up).  

    Women can feel self-conscious about the fact that their orgasms are not easily achieved, or in some situations not going to happen at all, and therefore resort to ‘faking it’ in order to take the pressure of themselves or their partner. I’ve been guilty of doing this on numerous occasions; I’ve faked orgasms because it’s easier than admitting to not having had one. I’ve also been guilty of letting men think I’ve come in order to protect their egos (I’m really good at faking it); but what are you supposed to say when a guy says ‘wow, you came so many times’ or asks how many times you climaxed… If it’s someone who’s paying me, or it’s a one-off thing then what’s the point in being honest and hurting their feelings; sometimes it’s easier just to lie. 

    Trouble is, by being dishonest, or disingenuous about our orgasms (or lack of), we aren’t helping the situation. Men can hardly remedy a problem they don’t know exists. How are men expected to learn how to satisfy us if we don’t speak up about what we need and let them know that our needs are not being met.   

    The traditional role of women as ‘care givers’, and nurturers has resulted in women being less likely to speak up about what they want in the bedroom though (and elsewhere for that matter) as it feels somehow selfish. We’ve been conditioned into believing that sex is about men ‘needing’ a physical release, and that our needs are somehow less important.  

    Indeed, if we think of sex as the means to reproduce and create new life, it’s essential for the man to orgasm and ejaculate, to release the sperm that will fertilize the egg. At no point does a woman need to orgasm in order to become pregnant. From a reproductive perspective therefore, the female orgasm is irrelevant… a nice to have rather than a necessity. Men’s orgasms are essential for the survival of the species, women’s are not… but that shouldn’t mean they get overlooked; especially when most of us, most of the time are having sex for pleasure rather than to reproduce anyway… 

    Throughout history, women’s needs have been chronically overlooked though, it’s only relatively recently (historically speaking) that female self-autonomy and empowerment have even been a thing. Our traditional patriarchal society has encouraged women to please and be pleasing to men in the bedroom (and out of it), leading to men (straight men anyway) becoming complacent and in some cases quite selfish. 

    I’ve certainly felt the need to please men in the bedroom, felt under pressure to make them come, and endeavored to do so regardless as to whether I’ve been enjoying the experience or not; I’m not sure I can say the same for any of the men I’ve been with though. When I go to bed with a man, I know he’s expecting an orgasm, so if that doesn’t happen, I can’t help but feel I’ve somehow failed at my job. Men can get quite sulky when they don’t get their ‘happy ending’…. 

    A lot of my brief personal encounters (one night’s stands etc) have been very similar to my encounters with my sugar daddies (i.e. they’ve come and I haven’t). My long-term relationships have been different though as I’ve not been afraid to ask for what I want and need; and both my significant others have been more than happy to make me come first when asked (yes, I trained them well). Even then, I didn’t request or expect to come every time we had sex, there were plenty of occasions where they came and I didn’t, because I can enjoy sex without having an orgasm, it’s not the be all and end all for me; and to be honest sometimes I’m not in the mood or just can’t be bothered. 

    We all know that honesty and communication are vital components in a relationship, but it’s especially important in the bedroom. If you’re harbouring resentment towards your partner for not meeting your needs or fulfilling you sexually, you need to ask yourself whether you’ve communicated this and given them the chance to put it right. So many women in long-term relationships are having unsatisfactory sex, I mean how many women are with men who don’t know how to give them pleasure? It’s no wonder women get bored of sex and see it as a chore.  

    As a woman it’s important to speak up about what you need, and remember that it’s ok to receive pleasure, it doesn’t make you selfish; we are not accessories in the bedroom or merely objects in which to come (they can get a sex doll if they want that). It’s up to us to take ownership over our bodies and ensure that we are getting the most from our sexual encounters; if men are being selfish then we need to call them out on it, if men don’t know what they are doing then we need to teach them, it’s no good bitching about it behind their backs, we need to be proactive if we want change.  

    Yes, it sucks that women have to fight for their orgasms, but then we’ve had to fight for everything else… If we’re going to fuck the patriarchy though, we might as well get as much enjoyment from it as possible. 

    To the men reading this, I hope this blog has made you think about your behaviour in the bedroom and inspired you to do better. I know you’re not all selfish lovers, but many of you are and unfortunately need reminding that sex isn’t all about you getting your end away.  

    If you don’t know what you’re doing or what your partner needs, don’t be afraid to ask. If we work together then maybe we can start to bridge the gap.  

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    For tips on how to make a woman come, check out this blog…

    Top tips on how to get a woman to orgasm (or at least this woman) 

  • The farmer and his whore

    Being only in his forties, Kevin is one of my younger sugar daddies, and of all the men I see, the most ‘wham, bam, thank you mam’. There’s no wining and dining or romancing here, he knows exactly what he wants and doesn’t waste any time getting it. 

    He’ll normally call in on his way back from work; dressed in a shirt and tie, smelling of coffee, and desperate for a wee… typical salesman. He sells farm machinery and has his own small holding.  

    He knows my dad, which isn’t surprising as everyone in the farming community in Cornwall knows each other. He’d never say anything though, I mean, how would that conversation even go, “oh by the way, I know your daughter, yeah I pay her for sex”, I don’t think so…  

    The moment Kevin sees my naked body, his cock is rock solid and he’s ready to go. He makes me kneel down in front of him so he can ram his hard cock down my throat. He doesn’t care how much I gag or choke, he’s got a big cock and makes me take it all. Sometimes he’ll throw me on my back on the bed, with my head tilted over the edge so he can stand over me and push his cock straight down my throat. I can feel my throat pop as he pushes his cock all the way in; there’s no way to breathe, and it makes your eyes water. When I can’t take anymore, he’ll turn me over on all fours and fuck me from behind, pushing my face down into the bed and pounding me hard.  

    I have a full-length mirror in my bedroom, so sometimes he’ll get me to stand facing away from him, spreading my legs slightly, bending over to touch the floor so that he can fuck me from behind whilst watching himself in the mirror.  

    If you’ve ever tried this position, you know it’s not easy to maintain and eventually (if you’re unfit like me) your legs give out and you end up on the floor. I did this with a guy one night when I was pissed and hit my head on the kitchen floor; I swear I had concussion for weeks afterwards.  

    Unlike most men who need time to recover after coming, Kevin can just keep going. His record with me is four times in one session; he’s a fucking machine (literally).  

    One day he messaged to say that he was coming over to spunk in each of my holes (mouth, vagina and ass, in case you were thinking anything else). His cock is on the big side for anal, so I don’t let him fuck me up the ass every time we meet; when he does, I know about it afterwards and it takes me a few days to recover.  

    If you’re thinking of going for the ‘holy trilogy’, as I’ve decided to call it, just be careful what order you do it in, you definitely want to pop the brown last is all I’m saying… 

    Kevin is one of my biggest sugar daddies (cock wise), and probably one of the biggest I’ve had (or at least top 10); not just a good length, but girthy with it! I know men can be obsessed with the size of their penises, but believe me, there’s such a thing as too big, and Kevin is bordering on it.  

    When he’s fucking me hard and deep, he’ll say that he can feel my contraceptive coil, which isn’t surprising, I’m sure the end of his cock is smashing into my cervix and trying to penetrate my uterus, which isn’t always a pleasant feeling.  

    Whilst I enjoy sex with Keven, I’m glad my other sugar daddies aren’t so big, my poor vagina would be destroyed (and as for my asshole…)!   

    As well as being dominant in the bedroom, Kevin also enjoys talking dirty, calling me a naughty little slut whilst spanking my ass; getting me to repeat it back to him, whilst telling him how much I want his massive cock. He gets off on hearing about how many men I’m fucking, and how many I fuck bareback, so I play my part and tell him what a filthy whore I am etc. It’s all very boring, but he absolutely loves it….  

    When he can’t see me because he’s either too busy or doesn’t have the money, he likes getting dirty messages about the other men I’m fucking, and I’ll send him sexy photos (of me, not other men) to keep him going. I let Kevin film a few of our sessions, so he can always watch those if he wants to see me sucking cock or being fucked. 

    Kevin seems to be fairly typical when it comes to younger guys and the way they treat sugar babies, in the way he likes to talk dirty and call me names. Yet although he can be rough in the heat of the moment, he’s always a gentleman afterwards and there’s something quite sweet about him. He’s got a vulnerable side, although I can imagine him being a right bastard when he wants to be.  

    Unfortunately, I don’t see Kevin that often, which is a shame since it’s quick and easy, and I don’t have to leave the house; in fact, I don’t even need to get dressed.  He works hard yet is always short on money, having just paid some big bill or another. He’s one of those guys though, it doesn’t matter if I haven’t seen him for ages. We just pick up where we left off…. the farmer and his whore. 

    Emily-Rose xxx

  • Sex and intimacy in older age

    Older people are often overlooked in terms of their need for sexual and physical intimacy. I certainly assumed that people of a certain age no longer desired a physical connection, but as I’ve discovered, that’s not the case. Even if full sex is off the table (or bed), the desire for some kind of ‘fun’ or physical intimacy is often still there; in men anyway (I can’t talk for women). 

    We’re all familiar with the ‘dirty old man’ trope though, and mock older men who lust after younger women; but maybe we’re being unfair. I don’t think these men mean to come across as ‘dirty’, most of them (in my experience anyway) are just sexually frustrated or craving a physical connection; trying to reconnect with something they’ve lost or aren’t ready to let go of yet. I swear that the older men I’m involved with still think they’re randy teenagers and often behave as such; maybe they should know better, but I don’t think they can help it. Men are biologically programmed to be attracted to (and want to reproduce with) young fertile women after all, regardless of their own age… damn evolution. 

    It’s unfortunate when older men are no longer able to access the physical intimacy they need, but sadly it happens all the time; it’s less a case of not being able to ‘get it up’ but having nowhere to put it when they do…. 

    Take one of my sugar daddies in his mid-seventies for example. Whilst he’s living independently, he’s free to see and fuck me whenever he wants, but he’s struggling with his health so moving in with his daughter; which will be the end of our arrangement and his sex life. He can hardly tell his daughter he’s paying me to spend the night with him, she’d be horrified…  which is a shame as although he’s struggling to walk, his penis works fine, and he loves it when I ride him cowgirl style. 

    Someone told me the other day that there was a huge increase in cases of STIs during/after the pandemic in care homes (nothing to do with me, I promise). I’ve no idea whether that’s true or not, but if it is, it highlights the sexual needs of older people; as well as how boring and unstimulating lockdown was.  

    The first question I had on hearing this was ‘who are these horny old people having sex with’? I’d maybe wrongly assumed that older women weren’t as up for it as men, but perhaps I’m wrong (it’s happened before). My second question was ‘how can I get in on the action’… 

    That to one side, if you’re stuck in a care home and want to get your leg over, your options are limited, and I’m guessing that for a lot of people that’s the end of their sex life, and the end of any kind of physical or sexual intimacy. What if you don’t want it to be though? What if you still want and need sex or some kind of sexual stimulation? Shouldn’t that be something you have the right to? Care homes are hardly set up to cater for these needs though.  

    I suspect some men are getting their needs met through their carers, in what is hopefully a consensual agreement, though in some cases possibly not. Maybe some come to an arrangement and provide a service for money; others ‘help out’ because they get pleasure out of it or are sexually attracted to older people. Whatever the case, it’s hardly ideal… but better then nothing.   

    People in care homes don’t have the freedom that comes with living independently but imagine for a moment that they could see a sex worker if they wanted to. That a professional like me could pop in once a month (or week even) to spend time with them and give them what they need, wouldn’t that be great; may not necessarily be something sexual, could just be lying naked together, or being held, whatever it is they need but aren’t getting. It would certainly give them something to look forward to, help reduce loneliness, and I’d even go so far as to say increase not just their quality of life but their life expectancy too. If done properly, it could also reduce the risk of sexual abuse, which is undoubtedly an issue in some care homes. 

    It must be particularly difficult for those who lose their partner late in life, especially if they’ve been together for many years; losing the person they’ve been relying on to provide that physical intimacy and closeness, it must be something they really miss.  

    It’s not ‘the done thing’ to move on too quickly though, it’s seen as somehow disrespectful to the memory of the departed, yet if you’ve been enjoying a physical relationship, why wouldn’t you want to recreate that with someone else? Why shouldn’t someone in their 70s or 80’s be looking for a physical connection? To get back in the saddle and fuck like a randy teen? Are they really expected to spend the rest of their lives in mourning, remaining faithful to the memory of the one they’ve lost, ignoring their own needs.  

    A widower I was involved with certainly experienced this complicated mix of emotions; guilt for wanting to have sex and be physically intimate with someone, whilst at the same time worrying about what people would think if they found out. Feeling ashamed and confused by his desire for physical intimacy, despite it being a natural and understandable reaction. Feeling like he was in some way cheating on his late wife and disrespecting her memory; concerned about what his children would think if they found out.  

    It’s silly to think that you can’t be grieving, whilst also in need of physical intimacy, especially if that’s the very thing you’ve just lost. His involvement with me in no way diminished the love and commitment he had for his wife of 35 years (how could it); it helped him to process his loss though, and showed him that there is life after death (bad choice of words, but you know what I mean). 

    Whilst we talk about loneliness and lack of connection, especially in older people, we don’t discuss the importance of sex and physical intimacy, which are very much connected. Just think of all the endorphins that are released when we’re physically intimate with someone, it doesn’t even have to be a sexual thing; it can just be being held or having skin to skin contact with another human being, these are things we all crave no matter our age.  

    I’ve seen several men in their 70s and would never discriminate based on age. We all deserve to feel wanted and desired, and to feel the warmth of another human being, even if that’s just a hug.  

    I’m doing my bit anyway, one old man at a time…  

    Emily-Rose xxx 

  • Balancing sex and sanity: the mental health impacts of being a sugar baby.

    Being a sugar baby (like any job) can have a negative impact on your mental health, for not only can it be physically draining, but mentally and emotionally draining too. Whilst I enjoy what I do, at times I’ve definitely overextended myself, on a few occasions waking up with one man, seeing another in the afternoon, and going out with a third in the evening; great for the bank balance, but not my mental (or physical) health.  

    As an empathetic introvert (all be it a sociable one), I find it tiring being around people for too long; I’m someone who needs time and space to recover. I give so much of myself to my sugar daddies though, that if I’m not careful I’ve nothing left for myself.  

    Hopefully you realise that I’m not just a sexual outlet for many of my men, but also a confidante, a friend, a therapist etc; and that can be a lot, especially if one of them is going through a tough time. I have sugar daddies who experience anxiety, depression and loneliness, and open up to me because they simply have no one else to talk to; sugar daddies who are grieving or going through marriage breakups who need a sympathetic ear or shoulder to cry on. It’s my job to be strong and provide a safe place where my sugar daddies can talk openly about their feelings and not have to be the ‘stoic man’ society expects them to be; for many of my sugar daddies the ‘pillow talk’ is an essential part of the experience, equally as important as the sex. 

    The sugar baby/ sugar daddy dynamic is an interesting one, being a unique relationship that transcends conventionality. The intimate nature of the relationship requires a certain level of trust and vulnerability from both parties; and the unspoken rule that whatever happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom (unless your sugar baby blogs of course). It’s not surprising then that sugar babies often take on the role of therapist as well as sex buddy.  

    I really enjoy this side of the job though and get a lot of pleasure from making people feel good; whether that’s physically, mentally or emotionally, it doesn’t matter, it’s all connected.  

    When life is good, dealing with other peoples’ problems is easy, however there have been times over the last 4 years when I’ve had my own shit going on, which has been difficult. I’ve lost my job, been through bereavements and had to deal with illness in the family; but I’ve never stopped working.  

    Most of my sugar daddies are understanding, and I can talk to them when things are tough, however they’re not paying to hear my problems, or to spend time with someone who’s feeling sorry for themselves, so I never make a big deal of anything. There’ve been times when I’ve been exhausted and at the end of my tether yet still turned up with a smile on my face, determined to make sure that my sugar daddy has an enjoyable evening, and leaves feeling happy and satisfied.  

    Of course, if things are really bad I can cancel, but it’s very rare that I do so; I don’t like letting people down, plus it’s bad for business. Trust me, there are plenty of other sugar babies just waiting to swoop in and steal my men, so I need to be consistent and reliable.  

    There’s also the fact that if I don’t work, I don’t get paid. I don’t have the luxury of sick pay or compassionate leave, so I just have to suck it up and get on with it. I can afford to take it easy for a week if I need to, but I can’t afford to stop for long or lose too many clients. 

    You have to be thick-skinned to be a sugar baby, as you’re constantly opening yourself up to judgement and critique. Every time I meet a new client there’s the possibility that they won’t like me or will find me unattractive. As a sugar baby you’re selling a product, and that product is yourself; if they don’t like it, it’s difficult not to take it personally. In many ways it’s similar to dating, in that you’re constantly putting yourself out there at the risk of being shot down or rejected, which isn’t always great for your self-esteem.  

    A few of my sugar daddies think it’s ok to make negative comments about my body or appearance, pointing out if I’ve put on weight or I’m looking tired etc, which can be a little insensitive. I don’t always feel confident or attractive, so these comments can get to me if I’m not careful and I have to remind myself of my own worth, and the fact that I am more than just a body. 

    Being a sugar baby can also be quite an isolating and lonely experience, especially, if like me, you don’t know anyone else in the business. I’m guilty of avoiding certain social situations, preferring to keep myself to myself; because I’m avoiding being asked what I do for a living, which is often the first question people ask when you meet. It’s not because I’m particularly embarrassed or ashamed by what I do (as I’m not), but because I can’t be arsed to continuously explain how and why I got into this lifestyle, and deal with all the questions. As a result, I’ve become a bit socially awkward, finding it difficult to open-up and make connections, and have forfeited opportunities to make new friends; which has left me feeling even more isolated and lonely.  

    Working weekends and evenings doesn’t help either, as I often miss out on doing things with friends because I’m busy; in fact, sometimes I’m not even invited, because they just assume I’ll be working. To be fair, I don’t think they realise how lonely I am, they think I’m fine because I’m out with a sugar daddy; but it’s not the same. 

    Even when I’m with friends who know what I do, I find it difficult to talk about it as my life is so different from theirs; unless you’re a sugar baby it’s hard to understand what it’s like. Most of my friends think my job just involves going out and having a good time, they don’t see the other side of it. 

    As someone who’s struggled with depression since a teenager and been diagnosed with a personality disorder (BPD in case you’re wondering), I know how important it is to look after myself and my mental health. It’s especially important when you’re looking after other people; after all, you can’t draw from an empty well.  

    Being a sugar baby allows me to work around my mental health issues and low energy though (a common symptom of depression), and I’m getting better at listening to my body and recognising when I need to take a break and put myself first for a change.  

    I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m moaning about my job, because I love being a sugar baby and am in many ways happier now then I’ve ever been. Nothing in life is ever perfect though, and we all have to take the rough with the smooth.  

    Keep smiling.  

    Emily-Rose xxx  

    P.S I intend to write a separate blog at some point about borderline personality disorder and how that (subconsciously maybe) influenced my decision to become a sugar baby. It’s something that’s not really talked about and something I want to raise awareness of, but that’s for another day.   

  • A risky business…

    It would be irresponsible of me to write about being a sugar baby without writing about some of the ‘not so good’ parts of the job. I’d hate to be accused of glamourising this type of work, because believe me, it’s often anything but… 

    Unfortunately, by its very nature, being a sugar baby is a risky job, but for some reason I am (and always have been) a bit of a risk taker; it’s just the way I am… impulsive and occasionally irresponsible.  

    Whilst I arrange to meet my sugar daddies in a public place, there are times when I’ve only a matter of minutes (or seconds) to decide whether they’re safe or not before I jump into their car, follow them back to their house, or go into a hotel room with them.  

    Whilst I like to think I’m a good judge of character and could defend myself, in reality most of my sugar daddies could overpower me if they wanted to. I’m incredibly lucky that I haven’t been hurt (without consent anyway), been forced into doing anything I haven’t wanted to do or been in a position where I’ve felt physically unsafe; however, I appreciate that I put myself in situations where this could happen.  

    As you know (if you read my blogs) I’ve done things that I wouldn’t want to do again, seen people I haven’t enjoyed spending time with, and been in some unpleasant situations; but thankfully nothing I haven’t been able to handle. There have been times when I’ve had to walk away from men who have been rude and unpleasant though, which whilst difficult, is not something I’m afraid to do. Like any job involving other people, you’re always going to come across the odd asshole (no pun intended). 

    Obviously having sex for a living comes with numerous health risks. Urinary tract infections for example are an occupational hazard when having sex with multiple partners, especially when anal is involved (men aren’t always careful about what they’re sticking where).  

    Sexually transmitted infections are also a huge risk, and whilst I’d like to say I always use protection, that would be a lie. Yes, I know I’m stupid to put my sexual health at risk, but trying to get some men to wear condoms is a real challenge, especially older men who have trouble maintaining an erection. Given the choice I’ll use protection, but I don’t force the issue.  

    I keep tabs on who I’m sleeping with and try to keep it within a closed network; however, being the sexpot I am, I do occasionally slip up (see my blog ‘disaster strikes’).  

    I’m honest with the men I’m involved with, they know I’m having sex with other men and that not all my sugar daddies use protection; if they decide not to, they know the risks. Thankfully it’s a rare occurrence; three STIs in nearly four years isn’t bad going, but probably still three too many! 

    Most of the time I’ll fuck a sugar daddy before taking or checking payment, as I don’t like demanding payment upfront or counting money in front of people (feels yucky). Whilst I’ve never not been paid, I’m always quite relieved when I open the envelope and find it’s full of money and not empty; that would really suck! I don’t know what I’d do if a guy didn’t pay though, I don’t think there’s really anything I could do about it… 

    A lot of my sugar daddies take me out and spend time with me in public, which can be problematic. I’ve been shouted at for being a whore, had people asking whether I’m a prostitute and how much I charge, and been in a situation where my sugar daddy was accused of being a whoremonger.   

    Unfortunately, if I’m out with a much older man it’s obvious what’s going on, and people will pass judgement, that’s just human nature. In general, men seem to be more ok with it then women; who can be quite judgemental and untrusting, like you’re morally corrupt and going to steal their man or something. That or they get jealous and want to put you down; women can be so bitchy. Men on the other hand just see you as a piece of meat, or an easy lay; which isn’t great either, but in many ways easier to deal with. 

    There are still unfortunately people who see women who work in this industry as an expendable commodity though; and believe that because of what we do we don’t deserve respect and should expect (or even tolerate) a certain amount of physical or verbal abuse as just ‘part of the job’. However, whilst it’s true that as a sex worker I’m putting myself in a vulnerable position, just as the men who engage with me are, it doesn’t mean I’m asking to be abused or disrespected, because I assure you, I’m not. 

    If I was abused or assaulted by a client, do I feel like I could go to someone for help without fear of judgement… no, probably not. Which is shit, because if I was doing a more ‘socially acceptable’ job it would be different; as a sex worker I don’t think I’d get the same level of empathy or support though… 

    Unfortunately, sex work has a bad reputation and is greatly misunderstood, most people don’t like to talk about it because it’s seen as dirty or dishonest in some way. Hopefully you can appreciate that sex work isn’t necessarily a ‘dirty’ or ‘shameful’ thing though, it can be done in a dignified and respectful way.  

    Although it is perfectly legal, sex workers are not safeguarded or protected, it’s very much an ‘at your own risk’ sort of job. We’re not given the same support as those who work in other industries, because society doesn’t like to admit that this sort of thing goes on or openly discuss ways to make it safer (as that would be like saying it’s ok). Not only does this put sex workers at risk, but it also puts the men who engage with sex workers at risk too. I’ve heard numerous horror stories from men who have been conned or blackmailed by sex workers but felt powerless to do anything about it; but that’s for another day.  

    To conclude, whilst I obviously enjoy my job (most of the time), I wouldn’t necessarily encourage all women to rush out and become a sugar baby. It’s not a job that would suit everyone, it takes a certain type of person to do this kind of work; which if I’m being totally honest with you, is probably not the kind of person you want to be.  

    For me though the rewards far outweigh the risks, and I can’t imagine doing anything else right now. 

    Till next time, stay safe or stay lucky. 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    Disaster strikes

  • My Body (keeping it real)

    I’m not sure I look like a ‘typical’ sugar baby but then, what does a typical sugar baby look like?  I’m 5ft 7in and a dress size 12 (UK); I’m not as slim as I used to be, but it is what it is.  

    As you can probably see from my photos, I have thick hair, with a surprizing amount of grey; or silver highlights as I call them. I used to hate my hair growing up, so thick and unruly, but now as I watch other women faffing around with hair extensions and expensive products trying to create volume, I finally appreciate what I’ve got.  

    My eyes are probably my best feature; despite the fact they don’t work very well (I can see fuck all without contact lenses or glasses). I’m not so keen on my masculine (roman) nose, but you can’t have it all. I like my pale complexion and classical looking face; and lean into the ‘English rose’ aesthetic I’ve got going on. I’d be great in one of those Tudor period dramas; in a tightly laced corset, my bosoms heaving, waiting for some rich married man to fuck me and make me his mistress… hmm yes please!  

    Talking of bosoms, I love my breasts; they’re a good handful (36D if you’re interested), and fairly pert. I can still get away without a bra if I need to; although for how much longer I’m not sure… (gravities a bitch). My tummy is soft and rounded, bigger than I’d like, but that’s because I’m lazy and enjoy eating and drinking too much; I have a big slapable ass, strong thighs and long shapely legs. I have stretch marks from being overweight as a teenager, and having a child, but these are faded now, and not as noticeable as they once were. My stretchmarks don’t bother me, I think they’re quite pretty; the cellulite on the back of my thighs on the other hand is not so attractive, but at least I don’t have to look at it.  

    Shall I describe my pussy? I just as well… I can always cut it out later (the description, not my pussy, blimey). Before you ask, no, she doesn’t have a name, I just refer to her as my pussy, or if I’m feeling funny I might call her my money maker, but that sounds a bit crass.  

    You know some girls have neat tucked away pussies that you have to open like a delicate flower, well mine’s not like that; it’s out and proud, like a big old daffodil. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have massive saggy pussy lips or anything, it’s still fairly neat, it’s just a shower, not a grower. I actually think it’s quite pretty, but then I think pussies are, they’re certainly nicer to look at then penises, which just look silly most of the time.  

    My clitoris is easy to find (for most men anyway) and will become erect and stick out when aroused. Despite having had a child, my vagina is in pretty good shape, one advantage of having a baby so young, I guess. It’s still fairly tight (or so I’m told), and men often find it hard to believe I’ve had a child, which is always a nice compliment (shout out to the doctor who sewed me back together afterwards…).  

    If you’re struggling to picture my pussy, here’s a description from one of my sugar daddies, “most pleasant and a bit like a ham roll with an engorged slice of ham peering out from time to time”. Before you say anything, no, I didn’t ask for this, it was just a random message he sent me one day after we’d had sex…  

    Men seem to love my womanly curves, and soft milky skin; my hourglass figure looks classy in figure hugging dresses, and my long legs look good in stockings and suspenders. My body is far from perfect, but it’s the only one I’ve got, and I’m certainly not about to do anything drastic to change it.  

    Growing up I never liked my body or the way I looked, I was bullied quite badly at school, so have had to work hard to love and accept myself (which is still a challenge at times). At the end of the day, I’m not stunning and I’m never going to be, but I’m pretty enough, which is all that matters really. I’ve certainly improved with age, not quite the ugly duckling who turned into a magnificent swan, but the ugly duckling who turned into a pretty enough looking duck (which makes more sense, ducklings don’t turn into swans, that’s impossible).  

    Before you ask, no, I’ve not had any cosmetic surgery (which would be obvious if you ever met me); I don’t do Botox or lip fillers or any shit like that. No-one is putting any needles anywhere near my face, or anywhere else for that matter!  

    I was a proper tomboy growing up; so not very good at all the grooming and pruning that us women are ‘supposed’ to do. I don’t fake tan, nor do I wax or pluck anything, other than this one really annoying hair below my nipple which randomly appeared the other day and keeps coming back, what the fuck…  

    I shave my legs and under arms, and keep my pussy trimmed, but that’s about it; oh, apart from using hair removal cream on my toes, something I’ve been doing since my ex-boyfriend’s daughter asked her dad why his girlfriend had hairy toes… loudly enough for me to hear (aren’t kids great).  

    Sometimes if I haven’t bothered to shave for a while, I pretend I’m one of those women who doesn’t give a fuck, but I’m not really ready to embrace the whole hairy look in public quite yet, and to be honest I don’t think my sugar daddies are either. I’m slightly worried that I’m growing a moustache, but have so far avoided doing anything about it, I’ve a horrible feeling that once I start, I’ll have to keep it up; and I’m not sure I can be bothered at the moment to be honest. I’ll just wait for some innocent child to point it out…   

    As well as attempting to stay smooth and hair free(ish), I usually have painted nails and wear a modest amount of makeup. I don’t get my nails done professionally or anything, I just paint them at home whilst watching tv. Infact, I haven’t even been to a hairdresser for years, I just cut my own hair; I don’t like having people fussing over me! Some of my sugar daddies like me to dress up and have a more glamourous look, whilst others prefer something more understated and natural, so I tailor my look accordingly, or at least attempt to.  

    I don’t scrub up too badly actually, and when I’m all dressed up and out at a fancy restaurant, I love looking and acting like a lady (like a proper lady, not just someone with a vagina). It’s a stark contrast to sitting at home in my PJs, slobbing out on the sofa, watching Netflix, which is often what I’m doing when I’m not working; I’m not very glamourous at home…  

    There are sugar babies out there who are absolutely stunning and look like Victoria Secret models, but I’m not one of them; I’m very much your girl next door. I do own a Victoria Secret handbag, but that’s as close as I’m ever going to get… 

    Who wants to go out with someone unrealistically attractive, who’s too worried about looking perfect to have a good time anyway… 

    Here’s to all us women keeping it real! 

    Emily-Rose XXX 

  • Virgin Island: Trash TV or a must see?

    If you don’t know what Virgin Island is, it’s a ‘documentary’ broadcast on Channel 4 in the UK, following 12 virgins who are sent on a therapeutic retreat /intimacy bootcamp in order to overcome their intimacy anxiety. With help from sex and relationship experts and surrogate partners the virgins are able to explore their issues around physical intimacy; with the goal of overcoming them and ‘popping their cherry’. Spoiler alert, only one guy actually loses his virginity, but that’s by the by. 

    If you think this sounds like some trashy reality tv show where vulnerable adults are exploited for our entertainment, don’t worry I thought the same. However, having been told to watch it by a friend, and now having binged the whole series (it’s only 6 episodes), I’ve got to say that I really enjoyed it and found it surprisingly insightful.   

    It’s not all focussed around sex and becoming sexually active, the experts take a holistic (bigger picture) approach running workshops around shame, gender expression and body confidence, as well as practical workshops on basic biology and non-sexual touch etc.  

    Self-acceptance and letting go of negative self-image and self-talk are key to the process, the experts explaining that in order to receive and give pleasure, you need to be comfortable in your body and present in the moment.  

    Just as in other therapeutic settings, the therapists use unconditional positive regard to nurture acceptance; and support the virgins in reframing negative inner dialogue and exploring new experiences in a safe controlled environment (all be it whilst being filmed for tv).  

    Exposure to sexual intimacy is approached in a respectful and sensual way, the virgins encouraged to stay mindful during the experience, tuning into their partners energy, and listening to their body and what feels good; a challenge for many of the virgins who struggle with negative internal self-talk, hence why the work outside the bedroom is so important.  

    The journey of self-discovery that the group go on is beautiful to watch, the change in each of them visible as their confidence grows and they learn to feel comfortable in their bodies. Many of the virgins must confront past trauma and let go of unhelpful ways of thinking before being able to open up and fully embrace the experience, and a few of the virgins have major breakthroughs regarding their gender or sexual identity which they are able to share with the group; the way they encourage and support each other is really endearing. 

    Some of the work around shame and past experiences is emotional to watch but sensitively handled. The vulnerability displayed by the virgins shows enormous bravery and courage, and just how much they want to overcome their issues and become sexually active. Whilst only one achieves their ultimate goal, they all make real progress; from being naked in front of someone else for the first time, to figuring out who they are attracted too and how they want to show up in the bedroom, they all leave the island better equipped to lose their virginity when the time is right. 

    The surrogate partners who explore sexual intimacy in a physical, hands-on way with the virgins are just brilliant; incredibly caring, supportive and patient. It’s interesting to watch their relationships evolve with each of the virgins over the series, as it’s a complex dynamic and like any therapeutic relationship can have its challenges; as demonstrated in one rather cringeworthy session with one of the virgins. 

    It’s great to see how empowered the virgins feel after their sessions with their surrogates (when it goes well that is) and how much they appreciate everything that the surrogates are doing for them; which for many of the virgins feels pretty lifechanging.    

    In case you’re wondering, a surrogate partner is very much as it sounds, someone who steps in as a partner in order to practice/ role play doing all the things you would want to do with an actual partner. Which in the case of the virgins on the show includes getting naked, learning how to touch and pleasure another person, as well as receiving pleasure; all done in a safe, controlled environment where consent, communication and connection are key. 

    I was so inspired after watching the show that I looked into training programmes re becoming a surrogate partner myself, but the only specific training I could find was in America, and involved a five day in person workshop in San Francisco which I can’t afford to attend at the moment, so that’s that idea down the drain. 

    I did reach out to a woman in the UK who does surrogate partnering (amongst other things), she seemed lovely and is probably great at what she does; but admitted that she’s very much having to figure it out as she goes along. It’s not really a recognised thing over here, and therefore not regulated, meaning there’s nothing to stop me from just setting myself up as a surrogate partner, after all it’s not that different to what I’m doing half the time anyway. I don’t claim to be a therapist though, and working with vulnerable people can put you in a vulnerable situation yourself, especially if you’re on your own; hence why surrogate partners often work alongside a trained therapist. All it would take is for one person to accuse you of misconduct and you’d be fucked… 

    Would I take someone’s virginity though? Absolutely, it would be an honour and a privilege. I’d love to make someone’s first time special, something they can remember and cherish. Becoming sexually active and figuring out who you are in the bedroom is so empowering, and losing your virginity is just the start of an exciting adventure of discovery and pleasure; those first experiences can be crucial in shaping how you feel about sex and view yourself as a sexual being though, so ideally you want them to be positive..      

    The show got me reminiscing about losing my own virginity, although I hardly remember anything about it now, I couldn’t tell you where I was or what he was called, it was such a long time ago and I’ve probably blanked it out. I don’t think it was a particularly enjoyable experience though, there certainly wasn’t any love, compassion or connection involved; I’m not even sure it was something I wanted to happen. Being underage, drunk and with no self-esteem or self-respect, my virginity was very much something that was just taken from me with little thought, no doubt from some selfish guy who felt entitled to my body.  

    For many people losing their virginity is a special experience and rite of passage though, a sign of maturity and having reached adulthood; being unable to achieve this can therefore understandably have a huge impact on a person’s self-esteem and self-worth, as articulated very well by the virgins on the show.  

    Regardless of whether you’re a virgin or not, it’s likely you’ll get something from watching Virgin Island, and who knows, maybe it will inspire you to try something new. 

    If you want to check it out, the series can be found on 4OD, give it a watch and see what you think. 

    Emily-Rose xxx 

    P.S. Whilst I may not have fond memories of losing my virginity, losing my sugar baby virginity was a very different experience….read about it here if you’re interested…

    Losing my Sugar Baby virginity