So, Tony was perfect on paper… late 50s, single, looked after himself, lived in a big house, had a nice car, and loved to cook; what more could you ask for. He was generous, and looking for a regular fortnightly arrangement, promising to pay well, and treat me like a lady. As I said, sounded perfect; but like anything that sounds too good to be true, it probably is… and this was.
Looking back, the warning signs were there from the start, when during our first meeting (a quick coffee) he was over the top and heavy handed with the compliments. It was creepy, but I put it down to nerves; it can be rather daunting meeting a sugar baby for the first time.
It wasn’t this though, as when I visited his house a few days later, he ushered me in, sat me on a chair and stared at me like I was a sculpture or piece of art; I wasn’t allowed to say anything, just sit there whilst he ‘admired’ me. I didn’t like it, in fact it made me feel quite uncomfortable; but I like to please, so sat there quietly cringing whilst he gushed over me!
Throughout the evening, he continued to tell me how beautiful I was, and how he was going to adore me, treat me like a princess, and give me the finest of everything; it was all too much. He was trying too hard, and it didn’t feel genuine; plus, it was triggering my imposter syndrome big time.
I hate being treated like an object anyway; I’m not that pretty and I’m definitely not the sort of girl who needs (or wants) to be put on a pedestal or treated like a princess. However it made him happy, so I sucked it up and let him get on with it; after all, I was being paid to be there so couldn’t really complain…
As I got to know Tony better, I began to realise how incredibly vain he was, and how for him appearances were everything; it wasn’t just his appearance that mattered now though, it was mine too. He wore expensive clothes, worked hard on his body (which I didn’t find attractive), and was particular about what he ate and drank; only the best was good enough for him. Now that I was his sugar baby, he wanted me to live by the same standards, to wear nice clothes (which he’d buy); and to eat well, drink less alcohol and work out every day to be in peak physical condition. I think he saw me as a ‘project’, he saw potential and thought he could transform me into his ‘perfect woman’.
Tony was obsessed with going to the gym and working out, which is fine if that’s your thing (good for you), but I’m not really a gym kind of girl; gin yes, gym… not so much. Tony wanted me to be like him and couldn’t understand my resistance, despite me explaining that I didn’t have the time, money or inclination to go to the gym. He was determined to help me get into shape though, so designed a workout plan that I could do at home. I said I’d give it a go, hoping that would shut him up and get him off my back, but it didn’t.
Despite his constant nagging, I wasn’t motivated or disciplined enough to work out every day and was honest with him about it. He was disappointed, and unable to accept that I was comfortable and happy the way I was. Yes, I’m lazy and a bit overweight, and I enjoy eating and drinking too much, but we can’t all be athletes, some of us need to eat Dominoes and binge-watch shit on Netflix…
I was starting to feel suffocated by his dominance, constant need for physical closeness, and obsession with perfection. He was also beginning to make it clear that he didn’t like what I was doing and wanted me to stop working as a sugar baby. I think maybe he thought he was saving me, but in reality, he just wanted control; he was jealous and didn’t want to share me with anyone else.
In the end it got to the point where I didn’t look forward to spending time with him, so decided I had no choice but to end our arrangement; we’d lasted less than 3 months together.
Despite ending it in the nicest way possible (it’s not you it’s me etc), he didn’t take it well, and I had several unpleasant messages from him, many commenting on how I was destroying my life and any prospects of a normal relationship in the future. He also thought it would be fun to threaten to tell my place of work about my sugar baby activities, a thinly vailed attempt at blackmail, which I really didn’t appreciate.
It amuses me how guys who pay for the services I offer as a sugar baby then feel compelled to comment on how ‘disgusting’ or ‘disrespectful’ my work is, and why I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. I’ve come to realise that this says more about them then me though, and the shame they feel about paying someone to spend time and have sex with them. They feel dirty, embarrassed or ashamed by their behaviour, and alleviate those feelings by projecting them onto me and making me the issue.
Of course, I don’t think my job is in any way disgusting or shameful, I enjoy and am very proud of what I do. I genuinely believe that I provide a valuable and much needed service, which lots of men (including him) find useful.
He tried reaching out a few months after it ended, wanting to reconnect and try again. He’d been seeing other sugar babies, but they didn’t have what I had…
I’m not sure why he’s continued to engage in a lifestyle that he finds so disgusting and ruinous for the young women involved, but that’s something he has to justify to himself. I just hope he’s not taking out his frustrations on the women he’s seeing.
I was very polite and told him that I’d moved on and wasn’t interested, I wasn’t prepared to open myself up to that kind of judgement and control again. I’m not going to allow anyone to make me feel shit about myself for who I am and what I do. I’ve worked too hard on my confidence and self-esteem to let someone who hasn’t got their shit together yet bring me down; I don’t need anyone projecting their insecurities or self-loathing onto me in order to make themselves feel better.
This was pretty early on in my career when I was inexperienced and naive, and less selective about who I worked with. If I met a sugar daddy like this now, I’d send him packing; I don’t have time for men who try to make me feel ashamed of what I’m doing.
As to whether my job will destroy my chances of finding a relationship in the future, that is yet to be seen. However, I’ve met a few guys recently who don’t seem to have an issue with what I do….so who knows.
Emily-Rose xxx
Sugar and Spice 
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